


Somewhere Safe

by HeyGoodLookin



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: #angstypostseasononefic, #maybecriedwhilewritingthis, #noideawherethisisgoing, #suicidaltriggers #nothingcrazybutjustawarning, #whatelseisnew, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:01:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 44,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25121323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeyGoodLookin/pseuds/HeyGoodLookin
Summary: With nowhere else to turn, Kie turns to an unlikely source for help.
Relationships: JJ & Kiara (Outer Banks), JJ/Kiara (Outer Banks)
Comments: 28
Kudos: 190





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Oh hey, another angsty post season 1 fic? Sure, why not. Here we are.  
> I might continue this... who knows.  
> Let me know what y'all think!  
> Just to let you guys know, there's slight suicidal intentions at the start, so mind your triggers!

JJ stood in front of the door, frozen in place. He hadn’t cried yet. He’d wanted to. God, seeing Kie sobbing into her parents’ arms was enough to break his entire spirit and Pope’s family’s sympathetic glances and embraces had almost driven over the edge, but he’d kept his guard up. And even there, in the pouring rain and standing in front of the chateau, he still felt the need to stay strong. _Be a man_ , his father would yell at him time and time again, and maybe that was why JJ felt to deflect so often.

Finally, and with a shaky hand, JJ opened the door and entered his old home. The chateau had always been more of a home than his actual home. His actual home meant beatings and fear, while the chateau had shown him safety and happiness. But all of those things were gone now. They were just memories. He’d never see John B again. JJ swallowed hard and slammed the door shut behind him. The place was a literal disaster, but none of that mattered to JJ. He kicked things out of his way as he went on the hunt for candles (which he haphazardly lit on various surfaces) beers (which he put on the pillow beside him) and weed (which he thankfully still had lots of).

JJ just wanted to forget.

He flopped down onto the pullout and lit himself a join. Usually, getting high numbed the pain, but now all it seemed to do was depress him even further. He still couldn’t bring himself to cry. He couldn’t see what good it would do. Slowly, and without much purpose, JJ reached into his backpack. He wasn’t sure what he was looking for (maybe a leftover candy bar or his backup supply of extra strength Advil) but his entire body tensed when his hand ghosted over the gun. He’d forgotten about it.

He took it out, promising himself he was only going to look at it, but that promise soon became extremely difficult to keep. JJ stared at it, as if it were supposed to give him answers to the question spinning around in his head. The questions that neither weed nor beer could answer. _Why am I such a reckless idiot? Why John B? Why did he ever listen to me?_ It kept going on and on and soon, without even realizing it, JJ came to a conclusion. It was all his fault. If he hadn’t have given John B and Sarah the phantom, they wouldn’t have gotten caught in the storm. If he hadn’t have encouraged John B to go for the gold when he wanted to give up, they’d all still be alive. Really, it was his fault they were dead.

JJ stared down at the gun in his hand. He chugged down the rest of his watery beer and tossed the can aside. Nobody would miss him. Kie and Pope were together and honestly, it was for the best. Kie deserved a decent guy like Pope, who had a future and his life kind-of-sort-of together. All JJ had to offer was debt and a dead end job working at an auto shop. In the back of his mind, JJ knew he was going down a dark and dangerous rabbit hole, but he somehow couldn’t stop himself. He knew he was too scared to actually do it, but he none the less couldn’t stop thinking about it.

And was how Kie found him when she opened the door to the chateau. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw JJ propped up on the pull out, beer and his stash of weed beside him, and the gun in his hand.

“JJ…?” Kie breathed, scared to startle him. JJ’s shoulders twitched in response. Then Kie noticed the gun more clearly and the fact that he didn’t have it pointed outwards, and she snapped. “JJ! No!” She dove towards him and made to grab the gun from his hand. “JJ, please! What the fuck do you think you’re doing? Don’t—“ JJ gave her the gun willingly. “You can’t do that!”

Despite giving her the gun, JJ didn’t digest his words without a fight. “And why’s that, Kie? What’s left for me, huh?”

“You’ve still got us,” Kie said desperately. “Me n’ Pope.”

“Right.”

“What? You wanna bring Pope and me kissing into this, now?”

JJ shrugged nonchalantly. “You’re the one who mentioned it.”

“We’re not together, you know.”

“I wasn’t asking,” said JJ.

Kie blinked rapidly and looked down at the gun now between them. “Were you gonna do it?”

“No,” JJ kept staring straight ahead.

“Then why…?

“I was just thinking about, okay? And I mean, why not? Everything’s gone to shit now so really, what have I got left to live for?”

“Me!” Kie cried. “And Pope! And I know it sounds crazy, but maybe, just maybe, John B and Sarah survived the storm.”

“You really think that, Kie?” JJ finally turned to face her. It was at that point that Kie saw how hard he was working on keeping it together. Every muscle in his body was tense and his jaw was set. His eyes were bloodshot and glassy from the weed and from spending hours trying not to cry.

“I really do,” said Kie. “You’ve gotta stay with us, JJ. If nothing else… do it for me.”

JJ studied Kie as she spoke. She’d been crying, he could tell, and she looked like she hadn’t slept in days. “Okay,” he said slowly. “I wasn’t going to go through with it anyways.”

“You scared the shit out of me.”

“I know, and I’m sorry,” JJ reached out a hand to grab hers. She was shaking.

“It’s okay,” said Kie gently. “I know this is probably harder on you than it is on me or Pope.”

“Don’t compare situations.”

“But it’s true! John B’s your best friend, basically your brother.”

“He was your best friend too,” said JJ.

“I know,” said Kie softly.

They sat in silence for what felt like hours. The gun lay forgotten and they drank through about half the beers. Finally, JJ broke the silence.

“Why did you come here?” He glanced over at her quickly.

“My parents,” Kie took a deep breath. “We got into a huge screaming match. They threatened to take me away and I threatened to run away and well… they didn’t stop me, so…”

“Kie,” JJ put his beer down.

“And I knew you’d be here.”

“Shit, Kie, maybe they’re not wrong. I mean, you could get outta here. You’ve got a future. You’re wasting your life bumming around with me.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Kie chugged down the last of her beer in anger. “You know what would happen if I stayed living with my parents all the time and went full kook with them? I’d end up having five anxiety attacks a day, be on more medication than I can keep track of, and be treated like a prized pig at a county fair. You know how many anxiety attacks I’ve had around you guys? Like, maybe three. Being around you guys makes me feel normal and healthy.”

“You are normal and healthy, Kie. They’re the fucked up ones.”

“I know,” Kie felt herself relax as JJ handed her the remainder of his joint. “I’ve tried telling them that too. They’re always like, oh Kiara, you need to get your anxiety in check, and I say hey, it’s actually you guys that’s causing it so…”

“And what do they say?”

“Oh fuck, they don’t believe me for a second.”

“Shit,” JJ looked over at Kie and gripped her hand. “I’m sorry.”

“Now do you get why I bum around with you guys?”

JJ smiled at this. “Yeah, I get it.”

“JJ?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry too,” Kie finished the joint and the but end into the solo cup they’d been using as an ash tray.

“For what?”

“For what you’ve had to go through.”

“I’m fine,” said JJ quickly.

“I’ll stay here with you,” said Kie. “You can’t go back home.”

“I’ll have to eventually, Kie. I’ve gotta grab the rest of my things and my clothes and make sure my dad’s paid the bills.”

“Why do you keep going back?” Kie didn’t mean for her words to sound so harsh, but she was angry and scared. God, JJ had no idea how loved he really was.

“Because, Kie, he’s my dad. For better or for worse, he’s my dad and sometimes he’s okay, you know?”

“You don’t deserve it. What he does to you. It’s not okay and you don’t deserve it.”

“Right well…” JJ yawned and made to get up. _Deflect, deflect, deflect._ “I can go into the other room if…”

“No, no,” Kie put a hand on JJ’s arm to stop him from moving. “I—uh— don’t wanna be alone tonight.”

“Yeah,” JJ leaned back down. “Me neither.”

***

Kie didn’t remember falling asleep. She remembered crying a bit and JJ holding her and whispering words of comfort to her. She remembered telling JJ that he was special and she remember him rolling his eyes. They didn’t do anything beyond hold each other, too afraid of damaging a friendship that was already far too precious.

She woke up the next morning (well, closer to afternoon, actually) to an empty bed. She looked around frantically and called for JJ. God, it was triggering too many memories. Memories of her Kook year and that one nightmare of a night that she’d successfully compartmentalized. Memories of her dead friends and her fucked up life. Once she’d yelled around the entire chateau and beach, she found her phone stuck between the couch cushions. She called JJ something like twenty times. Texted another ten. No replies.

Then she remember his words. _I’ve gotta grab the rest of my things and my clothes and make sure my dad’s paid the bills._ Oh God, Kie ran out the door, he went home. And while Kie knew that JJ was street smart and clever, she knew that Luke Maybank’s wrath in regards to the Phantom would be unparalleled.

Kie was always quite sure that she had good coping skills. She prided herself on being about to handle practically any situation. But the thing was, no amount of pre-existing knowledge; no amount of skill could have prepared her for what was in front of her. JJ was slumped against the wall of his so-called house. His dad (Kie hesitated to call him that) was nowhere to be seen, though she suspected him to be passed out inside. The wrath of Luke Maybank usually ended in a drunken rage and very selective memory loss.

Kie audibly gasped when she saw JJ. He was quite literally trembling from head to toe, and was half collapsed against the wall. His head was bleeding and there was a very ugly bruise forming around his neck. How he managed to get away, Kie had no idea, but she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that if JJ hadn't have gotten away, he'd most likely be dead. He looked far too close to death. And the usual fight he had in him; the grit and determination to cover up his pain, was all gone.

That's when Kie realized how bad it really was. Usually JJ would try and deflect. He'd never let himself be seen as being in pain or hurt.

Kie approached JJ. She let out an involuntary gasp and near sob, when she tried to reach out her hand out to him, but he flinched back.

Talk to him.

Talk to him first.

That's what John B had told her once.

"JJ?" Kie spoke as softly as she could. He flinched again, but other than that, he didn't react. So she tried again.

"JJ? It's me... It's Kie. Let me help you, okay? I'm here to help you."

Instead of looking up, JJ seemed to recoil further into the wall. "JJ, it's me... Kie. I'm not going to hurt you, okay? I'm gonna take you somewhere safe. I promise," Kie felt tears springing from her eyes. She was so scared. She'd never seen JJ so weak, so terrified in her entire life. She had to help him.

"Don't...no...don't- I'm sorry-" JJ whispered while holding up his hands.

"Shhh..." Kie murmured. "JJ, look at me. Can you look up?"

At the request, JJ shifted his gaze towards Kie. And then it was like all the fear was gone and the only thing left was trauma and grief. He let out a kind of choked sob.

“Kie,” he whispered her name as he gripped his side. She could have sworn she heard him manage a soft _sorry_ , but he slumped against the wall before she could question his words.

“Oh God,” Kie looked around for someone, anyone to help her. JJ had passed out, probably from blood loss, and no matter how much Kie plead and begged, he would’t wake up.

Somehow, Kie managed to drag JJ over to the van. She lifted him into the back and pressed a shaky kiss to his forehead. God, she wanted to curl up next to him and sob and sob and never stop. How someone could do this to their son was completely beyond her. And how JJ managed to keep the severity of his situation hidden from all of them was also beyond her comprehension. How did such a good, kind, loyal, person come out of such a toxic home?

Once Kie gathered herself, she started driving down the road. She had no idea where she could go. A hospital was out of the question. It would earn JJ a one way ticket to a foster home. She couldn’t take him to the Chateau; she didn’t know how to treat him. She’d helped tend to his wounds (bruises and cuts) before, but he’d never been hurt and traumatized to the point of passing out before. Maybe around John B he had (God, she wished he could magically materialize and tell her what to do) but never around her.

Then, just as Kie was about to frantically call Pope, she saw Shoupe heading to his car after his shift. JJ wouldn’t like it, but Kie knew they were all out of options. He was currently bleeding onto the floor of the van and every second Kie didn’t do anything, was a second she feared she could loose him.

“Sir!” Kie stopped the van and yelled out the window. “Shoupe!”

The man in uniform jolted up at his name and turned around. “Kiara?”

“Sir!” Kie ran out of the van and towards him. “It’s JJ. He’s—he’s hurt and I don’t know what to do and—“

“Slow down, kid,” Shoupe looked down at her.

Kie took a breath. “JJ’s hurt. It’s bad.”

“Where is he?”

“In—in the van,” Kie tried to regulate her breathing. “I don’t know what to do and…”

“Okay,” Shoupe brushed passed Kie and opened the door to the van. “Jesus Christ, kid. What did ya get into this time, huh?”

“It was his dad,” Kie’s voice shook as she spoke.

Shoupe gripped the side of the van door with white knuckles. “Son of a bitch.”

“JJ didn’t do anything wrong, he just—“

“I know,” Shoupe interrupted Kie surprisingly calm. “Get in the van and follow my car.”

“Where?”

“My place.”

“Why?” Kie stared up at him suspiciously.

“Look, do you want the kid to end up in foster care? Cause if anyone else sees this, that’s where he’s gonna end up.”

Shoupe got into his car and waited, fingers drumming on the wheel, while Kie looked down at her friend. It was like a silent apology.

"Hold on, JJ," Kie pressed another kiss to JJ’s forehead. She looked at him one last time and sped after Shoupe's car. She wanted to trust him. She wanted to think Shoupe really meant to help, but there was still a lingering fear within her. Kie knew JJ was suspicious of all cops and authority figures. It wasn't until they got to Shoupe's house and Shoupe carried JJ into his place and onto an old sofa, that Kie realized she'd been holding her breath.

"Relax," Shoupe said evenly. "The kid's gonna be okay."

"He won't wake up."

"That's a blessing in disguise with what I've got to do now," Shoupe started taking JJ's shirt off. His body was literally battered. Kie felt like she was going to be sick. "Jesus Christ, kid," Shoupe brushed JJ's hair back. "You ain't done nothing to deserve this."

His words made what little composure Kie had been clinging onto, crumble.

"Is he..." Kie couldn't finish her thought.

"He's gonna be fine," Shoupe felt over JJ's ribs. "Nothing broken, thank God. But he's gotta rest of a couple days while these heal. We gotta stitch a couple up too."

"Okay."

"I'm just gonna grab some supplies. You sit by his head and hold him, okay?"

"Okay," Kie said again and nodded. She shifted over to the end of the sofa and put JJ's head in her lap. She swore he made a soft noise at that, but she didn't have to time to make sure. Shoupe came rushing back with first aid supplies.

"Hold his arms," he said evenly as he started wetting cotton with disinfectant.

"Why?"

"In case the kid wakes up. We can't get those wounds opening up even more. Some of them have already clotted."

"Oh," Kie put her hands on JJs arms softly. "You're okay," she said quietly, hoping he could hear her voice.

"He'll pull through, Kiara. He's a tough kid."

Kie watched as Shoupe disinfected JJs wounds and stitched up the worst of them. She was about to hope that maybe JJ would stay passed out through the pain, but a particularly nasty stitch jolted him awake.

"S-stop!" JJ gasped, eyes blinking wildly.

"Hold him down, Kiara," Shoupe remained calm.

"Kie?"

"Shhh," Kie placed another kiss into his hair. "You're safe. You're okay. I'm here."

"Kie, what the--"

"Stop moving, kid. I'm almost done," Shoupe looked up from JJ’s wounds. His hard expression relaxed when he saw JJ’s panic. “Look at me, kid,” Shoupe brushed his hair back. “You’re safe, okay? We’re not gonna hurt you.”

“What the _fuck,_ man!” JJ tried to yell, but his throat felt like sandpaper. Everything hurt and the fact that he was being held down didn’t help matters.

“Look, JJ,” Shoupe slowly reached up his hand and put in on his shoulder. “I need you to stay still for just a few seconds, okay? I just gotta finish this last one here. Kiara’s right behind you.”

“Kie?” JJ moved his head. His vision was still a bit blurry, but he could make out Kie’s face, upside down and lined with worry, gazing down at him.

“I’m right here, JJ,” Kie whispered. She took one hand off his arm and ran it through his hair soothingly. Shoupe waited until he saw JJ’s breathing normalize before he spoke again.

“I’m just gonna finish this last one, okay?”

“Yeah,” JJ grit his teeth in preparation.

“You’re doing great, kid,” Shoupe said as he worked as quickly as he could. Every time JJ flinched, Kie felt her throat close painfully.

“Almost done,” Shoupe let out a breath. “All done.”

“You’re okay,” Kie murmured against JJ’s hair.

“Wha—what am I—“

“Don’t talk, kid. Rest,” Shoupe got up and poured JJ a glass of water and took out some extra strength tylenol. “Take three,” he handed JJ the pills and gave the cup to Kie. “If they keep my back from killing me, they should help you too.”

“Thanks,” Kie nodded at Shoupe weakly and helped JJ hold the glass to his lips.

“Kiara found you,” Shoupe explained while JJ drank. “Your damn lucky she saw me leaving work.”

“So this is…?”

“My place,” Shoupe finished for JJ. “And you’re gonna stay here for a couple days. Your ol’ man did quite a number on you.”

“My dad didn’t do anything. I…” JJ took in a painful breath. “I got into it with some kooks again.”

“Sure,” Shoupe sat down in the lazy boy opposite the couch. “That may have worked on me when you were in grade school, kid, but that’s not gonna fly now.”

Kie kept stroking JJ’s hair as he swallowed hard. “It’s okay, JJ,” she breathed.

“No, it’s _not_ okay!” JJ’s voice cracked. “You don’t need this, Kie. And now they’re gonna drag me away to the mainland and stick me in some group home or foster care.”

“Not on my watch, JJ,” Shoupe opened the mini fridge beside him and took out three beers. “Here,” he handed two over to Kie. “It’ll help with the pain.”

“Thanks,” said Kie.

JJ remained oddly silent.

“Look, I know you don’t like me, kid,” said Shoupe.

“Wonder why,” JJ snatched a beer from Kie and winced.

“I don’t need you to like me, JJ, I just need you to trust me,” said Shoupe.

“Give me one good reason.”

“I can help you.”

“Bullshit,” said JJ.

“JJ!” Kie ran a soothing hand through his hair. “Try and listen.”

Shoupe downed half his beer in one swig. “Okay, how about this. I understand. I get it, JJ. The beatings, the pain, the fighting. I get it. And let me tell you something,” He paused to look directly at JJ. “I get fighting against any and all help.”

JJ stared at Shoupe. He knew he was shaking, his body unable to process the words he was hearing properly. His hands shook so badly, Kie had to take the beer from him.

“Shhh,” she whispered softly and _God,_ he’d never had anyone comfort him like that before. “You can’t go back. I can’t watch you do that to yourself.”

“You’re safe here, JJ,” Shoupe approached the shaking boy. He flinched when he reached out a hand to check some of his bandages. “As long as you’re here, your ol’ man can’t lay a hand on you.”

“JJ, _please,_ ” Kie realized she was begging, but damn it all to hell if she’d do anything for JJ.

“Okay,” JJ breathed.

“Okay?” Kie couldn’t quite believe it.

“Okay,” JJ repeated weakly. “Can you—“ He couldn’t finish his question. He was too scared to Kie even more involved.

“I’ll call your folks,” Shoupe said, nodding firmly at Kie. She smiled a small, grateful smile.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay with updating this! I didn't think y'all would dig it as much as you did so HERE WE ARE. I'm still trying to figure out where I'm going to go with his, but as of right now I think there's about 2 chapters left.   
> Anyway, let me know what ya think and if y'all like the direction this is going in!   
> Stay safe & happy <3

“I called your folks,” Shoupe came back into the living room from the kitchen. “They’re not thrilled, but hey.”

“What did you tell them?” JJ asked. He was still lying with his head on Kie’s lap.

“I said you got into a spat, that it wasn’t your fault, but that you were really beat up.”

“And what about Kie?”

“I said she needed to stick around for moral support.”

“Moral support,” JJ repeated the words with amusement. “You’re killin’ me, Deputy.”

“Look, she’s staying here ain’t she? Isn’t that what you want?”

JJ closed his eyes momentarily and nodded.

“You lied,” Kie said shakily. “You lied to my parents.”

“Would you rather I told them the truth? They’d be down here and picking you up so fast it would make your head spin. I’ll have you know, I had to convince them that you two are staying in separate rooms.”

“Jesus Christ,” JJ groaned.

“Seriously?” Kie’s eyes widened in embarrassment.

Shoupe simply reached for another beer. “Look you two, I’m all for helping y’all out, but like hell am I going to bed while you two do God knows what under my roof. That ain’t happening.”

“I’m not trying anything,” said JJ firmly.

“Well that’s just dandy, seeing as I don’t think you could do anything even if you tried.”

“Separate rooms is fine, Deputy,” said Kie.

Shoupe chuckled at this. “Just call me Shoupe.”

“Okay,” Kie continued caressing JJ’s hair. It calmed him.

“Look, I’m sorry I lied to your folks, but I had to do what I had to do.”

“I get it,” said Kie. “It’s just… you’re a cop and…”

“Cops lie, Kie,” JJ hissed as he tried to shift on the couch.

“Sure, cops lie,” Shoupe passed JJ another beer. “It’s a thing that we do. Just like kids lie.”

“I’m not a kid.”

“Funny, you’re sixteen and haven’t started shaving yet,” Shoupe leaned back into the lazy boy.

“You stole that money,” said JJ.

“Yeah and you stole the gun and God knows what else. I’m here for you, kid, but don’t get wise with me. We’re not so different, me and you. Don’t make me out to be a bad guy when you know full well, you would have done the same damn thing in my position,” said Shoupe.

JJ looked at the deputy for a second. He wasn’t wrong. “Okay, fine,” JJ relaxed against Kie again.

“Right, so I’m just gonna lay some ground rules.”

“Ground rules?” JJ smirked. Kie felt herself relax. Some of JJ’s personality was coming back again.

“Yeah, ground rules. You don’t drink my booze unless I offer it to you. I see some of it missing and you can pay me right back for it. Secondly, I don’t cook. Don’t expect me to. You’re gonna be getting take out and pancake mix.”

“Sounds perfect,” said JJ.

“Thirdly,” the corner of Shoupe’s lip twitched with amusement. “Y’all sleep separated. Kiara, you can stay on the couch for now and JJ, you can go in the spare room just down the hall there.”

“Okay,” Kie nodded.

“Fourth thing, I can call in and stay home from the station tomorrow morning, but I’ll have to report back by lunch or else they’ll start asking questions. Which means, you kids will be here alone. If I see one thing out of place, one thing missing, or a used condom _anywhere_ in this house, I will not hesitate to throw your asses out the door. That being said, I’ve got a makeshift library over there,” he pointed to the bookshelf. “Help yourself to whatever book you want. Or watch TV, put on a record, I don’t care. Just don’t trash the place.” 

“Yes sir,” JJ nodded stiffly.

“Last thing,” Shoupe but his beer down and looked directly at JJ. “If you need anything. Even just someone to talk to, you can come to me. I know you don’t want to. I get it. But I’m just saying, if you need, I’m here.”

JJ’s lips formed a small smile. “Eye, eye, captain.”

“Oh Captain, my captain,” Shoupe finished his beer with a sigh.

“What?”

“It’s a poem,” Kie explained softly. “Walt Whitman.”

“Smart kid,” said Shoupe. “O Captain, my Captain. Our fearful trip is done,

The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won.”

“Didn’t think you were the type to dig poetry,” said JJ.

“Didn’t think you were the type to dig Van Halen,” Shoupe eyed JJ’s old shirt on the floor.

JJ flashed a quick smile. “I stole that from a second hand store when I was in middle school. The band’s pretty sick.”

“Eddie Van Halen was a God.”

“Truth,” said JJ.

“What else do ya listen to, kid? You can listen to whatever records you want.”

JJ’s eyes lit up at this. “I’ve been kinda getting into this band called The Cars.”

“Hell no,” Shoupe waved off JJ’s words. “New wave is garbage.”

“Well then what do you suggest, oh wise one?”

“You like 80’s stuff?”

“80’s…90’s…I don’t like new stuff all that much.”

“I’m with ya on that one,” Shoupe nodded his approval and stood up. “Waddia say we try some Queen and order pizza?”

“That would be awesome,” Kie felt herself smiling. “What albums do you have?”

“All of them,” Shoupe grabbed a record from his collection. “The Works is an 80’s staple, though.”

So Shoupe ordered pizza and they made complete pigs of themselves while listening to 80’s music and sharing dumb memes with the deputy. (He said he didn’t understand memes, but they still saw him chuckle.) Once, Shoupe brushed JJ’s leg by accident while reaching for a record, and he flinched. Shoupe reminded him that he was okay and Kie reached out to hold his hand. This happened a handful of times until Shoupe let out a dramatic yawn.

“Well kids, it is time for this old man to get his beauty sleep,” he turned the record player off.

Kie helped JJ off the couch but JJ, ever the warrior, insisted he was fine on his own. He followed Shoupe to the spare room and noticed a pair of boxers and a T-shirt on the bed. Apparently Shoupe had gotten that together while he’d been on the phone with Kie’s parents. The thought made JJ smile in spite of himself.

“Hey kid?” Shoupe stood at the doorway.

“Yeah?”

“You’re alright, you know that?”

“I—um—thanks, Deputy.”

“Shoupe.”

“Shoupe,” JJ repeated with a slight grin.

“Try and get some sleep, okay? I’m usually up by seven.”

“Okay,” said JJ.

“You’re safe here, okay? I promise you that. I know I haven’t done much to earn any kind of trust from you, but you have my word, nobody’s gonna hurt you here.”

JJ processed Shoupe’s words and blinked rapidly. “Thanks,” he mumbled.

“I’ll see ya in the morning, kid.”

“G’night.”

“Night, JJ,” Shoupe smiled down at the blonde one last time and closed the door behind him.

JJ turned on the small nightlight and sat down on the edge of the bed. He’d brought a book with him, but he didn’t have the focus to read. His body ached and hurt despite the pain killers and the emptiness of the spare room fed his fears. He hated being alone. Being alone made him think and JJ hated thinking. He tried to avoid his feelings as much as possible. He didn’t know how long he sat there before he finally changed into the clothes Shoupe had left him and lay down. He was far from asleep, but the light knock and opening of the door still shocked him.

“Kie?” JJ stared into the darkness.

“Yeah,” Kie whispered shakily. “It’s me. I’m sorry I just…“

“C’mere,” JJ held up his cell phone to shine a path over to the side of the bed.

“Shoupe said—“

“Fuck what he said. We’re both pretty messed up right now.”

“Okay,” Kie slowly made her way over to the bed and lay down next to JJ.

“What’s wrong?”

“I know you probably don’t wanna hear this…” Kie swallowed thickly. “But I’m worried about you. I thought you were gonna _die_ , JJ.”

JJ stared at her as she grasped his hand between them. There was no point in lying now. “I thought I was gonna die, too,” he said in a low voice.

“Oh God, JJ,” Kie squeezed his hand and rested her head on his shoulder.

“But hey, I didn’t, right? I’m kinda like a cat with nine lives huh?”

“This isn’t funny, JJ.”

“Yeah, I know,” JJ looked into her eyes. “I’m fine, okay, Kie? I promise you, I’m fine.”

Kie pushed herself closer to him and nuzzled her forehead into the crook of his neck. She needed contact. Needed to know he was alive and warm and safe. “I know,” Kie mumbled against his skin.

“Hey…” JJ sensed her shaking slightly against him. “Awe hey, Kie, it’s okay. I’m fine. Shhh…”

“I thought—I thought you were gonna die just like John B and Sarah and— _fuck,_ I know I shouldn’t be upset like this and I should be the strong one right now.”

“That’s bullshit, Kie. You’re the strongest person I know,” said JJ, putting an arm around her. “I’m gonna be fine, okay? We’re gonna be fine.”

“JJ?”

“Yeah?”

“Promise me you’ll try and trust Shoupe? I think he really wants to help you.”

JJ pressed a feather light kiss to Kie’s forehead. “I’ll give it a shot.”

“You deserve so much better, JJ,” said Kie.

“You tryin’ to mack on me?” JJ grinned down at her.

Kie chuckled against his skin. “Maybe a little.”

“Hey, I’m not complaining,” JJ gave her a light squeeze. Kie stared up at him for a moment. The moonlight shining in from the window made him look almost etherial amongst the conflicted sadness. She wanted him to kiss her. It scared her to admit it, but it was the God’s honest truth. Her breath caught in her throat when JJ’s gaze dropped to her lips for a moment before going back to her eyes. He seemed to sense what he’d done because he placed his chin on top of her head and wrapped the blanket around them.

“We should sleep,” he whispered.

“Right,” Kie felt her eyes close as JJ ran his fingers up and down her spine.

****

Morning came and JJ opened his eyes to the sound of bustling in the kitchen. It took him a few seconds to get his bearings. Kie was asleep beside him, still tucked into his side, and while JJ loved the comfort it gave him, he needed pain meds and something to drink. He managed to pry himself away from Kie without waking her and made his way to the kitchen.

“Shit!” JJ exclaimed, jumping back as Shoupe turned to face him.

“Coffee?” Shoupe held out an empty mug.

“Uh—sure,” JJ took the mug and watched the deputy pour him a cup. “Kie’s still asleep. I—uh—nothing happened. We just—“

“Sure,” Shoupe slurped his coffee.

“Nothing happened.”

“Uh-huh,” another slurp.

“Sir, I promise you—“

“I got it, kid. But you know what I haven’t got yet?”

“What?” JJ felt his body tense.

“My morning coffee. So kindly stop with the bullshit until I’ve had at least one cup,” Shoupe saw JJ back away ever so slightly.

“M’sorry.”

“It’s okay, kid,” Shoupe’s gaze softened. He handed JJ a bottle of Asprin. “Here, take another three.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I insist,” Shoupe took another generous slurp of coffee and sat down. “You doin’ alright?”

JJ hesitated to sit across from him at the small table. He didn’t feel like he belonged. “I’m cool,” he swayed awkwardly.

“Sit,” said Shoupe. “Take the pills, then we’ll talk.”

“Okay,” JJ sat down slowly and poured three pills into his hand.

“You’re safe here, you know that, right?”

JJ swallowed the pills with a gulp of coffee and shrugged, so Shoupe continued.

“I meant what I said last night. I get it. I get trying to hide it and trying to make up excuses. I had to go to school and make up excuses just like you did.”

JJ found himself staring at the deputy despite his best effort at keeping his cool. “Was it…was it your dad?” JJ hesitated.

“Every God damn time. My ol’ man had it in for us.”

“It wasn’t just you?”

“No,” Shoupe drank a generous sip of coffee and looked out the window. “My ol’ man used to beat on my mom too. I used to be scared to go to school ‘cause of what I knew he’d do to her. My brother, he ran away and dropped outta school as soon as he turned sixteen. I used to hate him for it, but now I don’t blame him one bit.”

JJ couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. Here was this cop who, up until recently, had only proven himself to be a liar and a cheat, now opening up about his own horrors. Somehow the thought of Shoupe, young and afraid, put everything into perspective. JJ didn’t feel quite so alone.

“You got out, though? You made it?” JJ looked down at his coffee.

“I got put in foster care for a bit, and as much as it hurt at first, anything was better than living with my ol’ man. I signed up for the army as soon as I could and never looked back.”

“Shit,” JJ ran a hand over his face. “I don’t think I could handle being in the army.”

“I didn’t think so either, but believe me, it was a cake walk compared to life with my dad.”

“I don’t think I can leave here,” said JJ.

Shoupe nodded. “See, that’s where y’all are different from me. I grew up on the farm. Didn’t have nobody. So leaving was easier ‘cause I didn’t have nothin’ holding me back.”

JJ looked up at the deputy again. His words painted an even clearer picture. At least JJ had friends, his pogues, but when Shoupe had been his age, he had nobody. JJ couldn’t imagine going through that kind of pain all alone.

“I’m…I’m sorry,” JJ said without thinking. “I can’t even imagine that.”

“It’s fine, kid. I was like you. Deflect and deny. You think you’re the only kid with those coping mechanisms? Look, the point is, I ended up with an okay job and a place of my own. I made it out and you can too. You just gotta trust people who want to help you.”

“Right,” JJ drank a sip of coffee. He didn’t like it black, but he didn’t want to bother the deputy.

“I didn’t trust my social worker or my foster family very much at first, but they were the ones who suggested I sign up for the army. And believe it or not, my foster dad helped me get into training to be a cop,” Shoupe stopped talking as his phone went off. “Shit,” he looked at JJ. “I gotta take this. I’ll be right back.”

“Okay,” JJ looked up at him. “Hey Shoupe?”

“Yeah kid?”

“Thanks.”

Shoupe smiled slightly as he left the kitchen. “No problem.”

***

Kie woke up to the door slamming shut and someone yelling. She jolted up and collected her scattered thoughts. JJ wasn’t lying beside her anymore and the shouting; it sounded like Shoupe.

“Shit,” Kie remembered the night before and ran out into the kitchen. Shoupe was yelling out the side door.

“JJ!” He shouted. “JJ let me explain, God damn it!”

“What the hell is going on?” Kie grabbed her backpack from beside the couch.

“The kid bolted.”

“What? Why?”

“I’ll go get him,” Shoupe made to grab his cell phone and keys.

“No,” Kie stood her ground. “I’ll go. I know where he’d go.”

“Where’s that?”

“The beach. Not far from here. Trust me,” Kie ran out the side door. “Don’t follow me!” She called over her shoulder.

Kie ran the short distance it took to get to JJ’s favourite stretch of beach. She ran until she practically plowed into him sitting curled up in the sand.

“JJ,” she crouched down to his level. “JJ, it’s me…Kie. What the hell happened?”

JJ didn’t respond at first. He simply stared out at the water and let silent tears fall down his cheeks.

“I heard him,” JJ gasped. “I heard him talking on the fucking phone, Kie.”

“About what? What the hell’s going on, JJ?”

“He was talking to someone from DCS. They’re gonna ship me off to the mainland!”

“What?” Kie sat at JJ’s side and embraced him because _fuck_ boundaries. She needed him to know that she was physically there and no going anywhere. She was relieved when he didn’t flinch, instead sagging against her.

“I heard him say that he found a place for me.”

“Fuck,” Kie pressed a kiss to his hairline and ran her hands over his back. “They’re not gonna take you anywhere. We’ll run away before they do that.”

“You can’t,” JJ tried to collect himself enough that he could pull back to look at her. “You’ve got a future. Kie. Don’t tie yourself to me.”

“Pogues stick together, right?”

“Kie, please…”

“I’m not leaving you. If they make you leave, then I’m coming with you or we leave together.”

“Kie,” JJ cupped her face with his hands. “I don’t know what the fuck I did to deserve you.”

And Kie, because she’d been feeling it for so long and because she feared she wouldn’t have the chance to say it, placed her forehead against JJ’s. “I love you, JJ.”

“You, what?” Their breath mingled as JJ whispered.

“I…I love you. And I know it’s hard for you to say or maybe you don't feel the same way, but—“

“I love you too,” JJ cut off her rambling with a wobbly smile. “Like, I’m pretty fucking crazy about you.”

Kie stared into his eyes. “I’m not leaving you.”

And then, because JJ wasn’t that great with words and because he’d been waiting a good four years, he kissed her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now for an onslaught of FEEEEELS. I apologize for nothing, though I would have some Kleenex handy.  
> Also, I fully realize that Shoupe has gone a bit Hopper here.  
> Sorry for the shorter chapter, though, I just felt like this deserved to be separate from the next bit. I'm thinking there's gonna be one, more two more chapters after this one.  
> Let me know what you think of this!!  
> Stay safe and healthy and happy everyone! xoxo

JJ figured kissing Kie was either the worst or best idea he’d ever had, but all it took was her sighing against his lips and any an all rational thought left him. Screw it, it was a great idea. Despite everything that had happened, kissing Kie was the best idea he’d ever had. He felt her hands in his hair and sure, a he’d made out with more than a couple of girls before, but the way Kie’s touch was gentle and needy at the same time, made his skin practically erupt in goose bumps. God, and their lips were only just brushing against each other. One closed mouthed kiss became another and another and wow, he could get high off of kissing Kie.

Kie wasn’t innocent, but the way JJ was kissing her, all passion and heat, had her gasping for breath between kisses. She’d been kissed by a handful of guys, but never like the way JJ was kissing her. His hands went from her cheeks to her waist and when he nipped her lip ever so slightly, she couldn’t help but shudder and gasp. Kie flushed and pulled back slightly.

JJ’s eyes widened.

“Shit,” he noted Kie’s dazed expression and assumed the worst. “I’m sorry. That was stupid. I shouldn’t have—“

“Shhh,” Kie leaned forward to kiss him lightly on the lips. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“No?”

“No,” Kie kissed him again.

JJ pressed his forehead against hers. “I just kinda got —uh— carried away.”

“Me too,” Kie giggled. Like, actually giggled and JJ thought it was literally the most amazing sound.

“I don’t want to rush you into anything or make you do anything you don’t want to do.”

“Dude, it’s not like we’re going to bang right here on the beach,” Kie looked up at him with a smirk. JJ actually laughed out loud.

“I wish,” he cocked an eyebrow and brushed a stray curl from her face. He wanted to explain himself to Kie; wanted to clarify why he had kissed her and what they should do, but a police car parking not a few meters from the beach stopped him. JJ tensed.

“It’s Shoupe,” Kie grabbed hold of his hands to ground him. “Let’s hear him out.”

“I’m not listening to a word that bastard says.”

“Then do it for me,” Kie said softly as Shoupe walked towards them.

“You’re on his side? You think I should go?”

“No!” Kie cried, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Of course not. I just think we should hear him out.”

“JJ,” Shoupe approached the pair slowly. “I can explain everything.”

“Like hell,” said JJ. 

“JJ, please! Listen to him!” Kie put her hands on his shoulders.

“No!” JJ looked overtop of Kie’s head at Shoupe. “I’m not listening this is bastard!”

“JJ—“

“No, don’t _JJ_ me. He’s leaving. He’s leaving just like every other God damn person in my life! He doesn’t give a shit!”

“That’s not true, kid,” Shoupe took a slow step towards the pair.

“Bullshit!”

“If you’d just let me explain,” Shoupe tried.

Kie placed her hands on JJ’s face, forcing him to focus on her. “JJ, please. Listen to me. Look at me. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not leaving you. I’m just asking you to listen.”

“He lied to me,” JJ’s voice cracked as he lowered his voice. He was exhausted.

“You don’t understand,” said Shoupe.

“I heard you.”

“What did you hear?”

“I…” JJ focused on Kie’s hands stroking his cheeks soothingly. “I heard that you found a place for me.”

“I did.”

JJ’s face fell. “You’re a lying son a bitch, you know that?”

“And you jump to conclusions before you think,” Shoupe replied swiftly. “We’ve both got shit to work on.”

“You lied.”

“No I didn’t,” Shoupe countered.

“You _lied,”_ JJ repeated, his voice hardly above a whisper.

“I said that you’d be safe and that you wouldn’t have to leave here. You’re staying here.”

“What?” JJ put his hands on top of Kie’s and looked up at the deputy.

Shoupe slowly walked over to the pair and put a hand on JJ’s shoulder. “If you would have stuck around for the extra thirty seconds, you would have heard that the placement I found was with me.”

JJ blinked. “Fuck—what?”

“I told them that I wanted to take you in. That way you wouldn’t go into the system and you could stay on the island.”

Kie watched as JJ’s mouth flapped open and closed, somehow unable to process the information.

“You’d do that?” She wrapped her arms around JJ, but turned her head to face Shoupe.

“In a heartbeat. You’re not a bad kid, JJ. None of you kids are.”

“You’re serious?” Kie let JJ bury his head against her collar neck. He was quite literally bone achingly tired.

“I’m serious,” said Shoupe. “And you can stay as long as your folks are okay with it, alright Kiara? I know this is gonna be a big adjustment for y’all and I don’t think JJ should go though this alone. I just don’t want no…funny business.”

“Funny business?” Kie raised an eyebrow.

“Sex,” Shoupe rolled his eyes. JJ’s raised his head and blinked up at the deputy. “Hey, I was a teenager once. I know how y’all think and I’m having none of it. No sex on the couch. No sex in my spare room. No sex on any surface. Actually, no sex in my house at all. No sex on my lawn either. I take care of my lawn, it’s the nicest lawn on the block, and I don’t need y’all going to town on it.”

“Jesus,” Kie tried not to smile as she felt JJ chuckle against her.

“So I should become a monk, then?” JJ said weakly. The corner of his lip twitched though.

“Y’all are celibate in my house.”

“Okay,” Kie could feel herself blushing. God, she hoped JJ didn’t notice.

“I mean, bang all you want in your van. I could give a shit. Just wrap it up and make sure I can’t hear—“

“Okay!” JJ pulled back from Kie to face the deputy. “You’ve made your point. No…funny business… where you can see it.”

“And no closets.”

“Dude,” JJ groaned. “Get real.”

“I am real,” said Shoupe. “And so is this. I know it’s sudden, but if you want to, we can start looking into paper work. Make it official and all that. It’s a process and you’ll still have to see a social worker and a therapist during your adjustment period, but we can get the ball rolling. If you don’t want to, I understand that too.”

“I…” JJ looked at Kie, who was smiling encouragingly and then back to the deputy. “I don’t know if you want me around. I’m not exactly a prize kid.”

“That’s just what you’ve been told.”

“My grades are shit.”

“We’ll get you a tutor. I’ll help you out.”

“I get into lots of trouble.”

“Believe me, I know,” said Shoupe.

JJ could feel his throat closing painfully. Jesus, he didn’t want to cry again. He’d done too much of that already. But there was this odd tightening in his chest. A kind of tension that needed release. He wanted to trust the deputy; he wanted to let himself be free, but he was so scared. He felt like at any moment Kie would disappear or the deputy would laugh at him. Good things weren’t supposed to happen to JJ Maybank.

“I want to,” he mumbled and closed his eyes briefly.

“I know you do, kid,” Shoupe said gently. “Let yourself. Let yourself believe that it’s over.”

“I want to.”

“It’s a slow process. You don’t even need to ever call me dad or anything. I can just be Shoupe or whatever you want.”

“I…I just…” JJ kept his eyes pinched closed as Kie pulled back to look up at the deputy. It was a kind of offering. She trusted him.

“Listen kid,” Shoupe took Kie’s place in front of him and put both of his hands on his shoulders. “I’m not perfect. Nobody’s perfect. I’m gonna make a hell of a lot of mistakes and so are you. But at least we’ll make ‘em together and maybe, by the time you’re eighteen, you’ll graduate and just think I’m annoying instead of hate me. Hell, maybe you’ll even go to college or something.”

“I don’t hate you,” JJ mumbled.

“That’s a good start,” said Shoupe.

“And I don’t wanna go to college.”

“That’s fine. Neither did I. What do you like?”

JJ swallowed hard and shrugged. “I dunno…I just surfing and music.”

“Okay, surfing and music. I can work with that,” said Shoupe. JJ still looked sceptical, so the deputy continued. “Look, I know you’re scared. I know you don’t trust me and I get that. Believe me, I get that. I don’t expect you to fully trust me any time soon, either. I just want you to trust me enough to let me help you now. Because between the three of us, we can make this work.”

JJ opened his eyes and looked up at the deputy. “You think?”

“One hundred percent,” Shoupe smiled.

And then JJ did something that made both Kie and Shoupe’s eyes widen in shock. JJ leaned forward and wrapped his arms around the deputy. He was crying. But, as Shoupe rubbed his back and motioned for Kie to join him, he realized they were tears of relief.

Maybe, just maybe, things would be alright.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic has taken on a mind of it's own y'all   
> Legit amazed that anyone is actually reading it, but HERE WE R.   
> Anyway, I apologize for the short length and "filler" nature of this chapter. I felt like this needed to be separate.   
> Let me know what y'all think!!   
> xoxo

JJ had never felt safe before. Sure, the chateau was a kind of sanctuary and home, but it had also always been a place to escape. Like the calm before the inevitable storm. He had always known that as safe as the chateau was, that he’d have to go back to his dad eventually. Someone had to make sure he paid the bills, ate something, and didn’t burn the house down.

He’d fallen asleep on the couch after insisting Kie take the spare room, and woke up to the smell of coffee and bacon. JJ blinked rapidly, gathering his bearings. Shoupe was pouring himself a mug of coffee and humming along to something on the radio.

“Jesus Christ,” JJ grunted and sat up on the couch. “How much coffee do you drink a day?”

“Oh a good six cups,” Shoupe turned around with a slight smirk. “And good afternoon to you too.”

“I thought you had to be at work?”

“I called in,” Shoupe replied.

“Oh,” JJ looked down.

“It’s not a big deal,” Shoupe waved off JJ’s concern. “They can survive without me for a day.”

“What time is it?” JJ tried to stretch, but grimaced. The pain meds were wearing off.

“Eleven,” Shoupe tossed him the bottle of extra strength Tylenol. “Time for second breakfast.”

“Second, what?”

“Second breakfast.”

JJ chuckled as Shoupe handed him a mug of coffee, this time with cream and sugar. “Oh you mean, like that meme?”

Shoupe stared at the blonde. “What?”

“The meme with the hobbit.”

“Oh,” Shoupe breathed a kind of sigh of relief. “So you do know about Lord of the Rings.”

JJ swallowed the pills gratefully. “Of course I do,” he smiled. “I’m not a complete idiot.”

“Read the books?”

“I don’t read much,” JJ frowned. “I’ve seen the movies literally a hundred times, though. Peter Jackson’s a God.”

“So is Howard Shore.”

“Totally,” JJ nodded.

“You’re full of surprises aren’t you?” Shoupe sat down next to JJ on the couch and handed him a plateful of eggs and bacon.

“How so?” JJ nodded his thanks and practically hoovered the food.

“Slow down, kid. You’ll get sick if you keep that up. We’re not gonna run outta food any time soon,” Shoupe watched him eat. “I just meant that I didn’t think you’d pay attention to the film score composer.”

“I like music,” said JJ simply. “And that’s damn good music.”

“You’re absolutely right,” Shoupe waited for JJ to be done eating before he continued talking. “So one of the first things we need to do once all the paper work is filled out is head over to your school and get you registered for the fall. We can even do that tomorrow.”

“Screw that,” said JJ, looking down into his coffee.

“You’re going back to school. You’re not dropping out on my watch.”

JJ’s grip on the mug tightened. “I almost failed everything last year anyway.”

“We’ll get you a tutor or I’ll help you. I’ll play hard ball if I have to, kid, but you’re not dropping out. You’re not stupid.”

“Yeah, well the teachers seem to think otherwise.”

“Teachers can’t teach kids who don’t want to be taught. They also can’t teach kids who don’t want to be helped. We’re going back to that school and I’m going to talk to each and every one of your teachers and figure out what the problem is.”

“Where’s Kie?” JJ asked.

“Don’t change the subject,” Shoupe answered quickly. “She’s asleep in the spare room.”

“Okay,” JJ drank a small sip of coffee.

“How come you don’t read?”

JJ fiddled with the mug nervously. “Dunno…” he paused. “I guess I’m just no good at it. I’m slow and it’s… confusing.”

“Confusing, how?”

“Confusing like…I don’t understand what I’m reading.”

“Okay,” Shoupe seemingly connected the dots. “There are tests they can do for that, you know? And even if you don’t don’t have an official diagnoses, we can work through it.”

“Work through what?” JJ looked up at the deputy.

“There are loads of what they call learning disabilities. Dyslexia, dyscalculia, visual processing disorders… those can all make learning and reading really difficult.”

“And you think I’ve got something like that?”

“Could be,” said Shoupe. “One of my best buddies on the force has dyslexia. I used to help him all the time. He used to complain about the letters and numbers jumping around and that’s he’d try and read a line of something and then not know what he read.”

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” said JJ. “Honestly, I don’t care if there’s anything _wrong_ with me, I’m just glad I’m not nuts.”

Shoupe couldn’t help but chuckle at JJ. “You’re not nuts, kid. Lots of people have learning disabilities. It explains why you’re doing so poorly in school, though.”

“I still don’t wanna go back,” said JJ.

“And I’m still gonna force you to,” said Shoupe. “You don’t have to get A’s. Just show up and try your best and graduate. That’s all.”

JJ processed this. He wanted to fight back and tell Shoupe to get lost and stop riding his ass, but he realized if he wanted to get along with Shoupe and live with him, that he’d have to learn to live with some rules.

“I’ll try,” JJ sipped at his coffee again. “I can’t promise I’ll be some kind of miracle success story.”

“You never know,” Shoupe smiled. “So, you like surfing?”

“Yeah,” JJ smiled back.

“I heard you’re real good at it.”

“Oh you did, did you? Who told ya that?”

“Kiara,” said Shoupe.

JJ smiled in spite of himself. “She said that?”

“Sure did,” said Shoupe. “You two together?”

“I—uh—“ the question caught JJ off guard. “I dunno.”

“Do you want to be?” Shoupe asked.

JJ tried to shrug nonchalantly. “I dunno…maybe.”

“Seems like you like her.”

“Everyone likes Kie,” said JJ. “I mean, what’s not to like? She’s a killer surfer, super smart, and undeniably beau—“ he cut himself off. God, he was talking himself into a corner. Who was he kidding? Sure, they’d kissed, but Kie deserved so much better than him. “She can do so much better than me, though,” JJ voiced his thoughts.

“Thats a load of bullshit,” Shoupe frowned.

“Kie’s gonna get outta this rat race. She’s too good for someone like me. If she sticks around me, I’ll just drag her down.”

“That’s not true, and you know it,” said Shoupe. JJ made to respond, but Kie opened the door to the spare room and walked into the living room holding her cell phone limply by her side.

“They want me to come home,” she mumbled weakly.

“That’s okay, Kie,” JJ said firmly.

“No it’s not.”

“Yeah it is.”

“No,” Kie could feel herself shaking slightly. “No, it’s not.”

“Kie,” JJ got up from the couch.

Shoupe took a cigarette out of the package in his pocket. “I’ll let you kids…sort this out. I’ll be out back,” he made his way outside. “Oh!” He called over his shoulder. “And no sex!”

“Jesus,” JJ rolled his eyes. He walked over to Kie once he knew Shoupe was out of earshot.

“I’m sorry,” Kie looked up at him. “I tried to convince them but—“

“Kie,” JJ put a comforting hand on her arm. “It’s cool, okay? I’m fine.”

“But I promised I wouldn’t leave.”

“You’re not leaving,” said JJ.

“Yeah I am,” said Kie bitterly.

“Not you’re not,” said JJ. “You’re stubborn as all hell, but you’re not leaving. Your folks are just worried and want you home. I get that. I don’t want to give them another reason to hate me.”

“They don’t hate you,” Kie inched closer to him.

“Pretty sure you can’t fight me on this one. Okay, so your folks might not _hate_ me, but they don’t exactly like me either. I don’t want to give them more reasons to hate me. Just go home, Kie.”

“Do you not want me to stay?”

“Of course I do,” JJ sighed. “But I can do this on my own. I probably should anyway. This _is_ something I should do on my own. I don’t really wanna drag you down with me.”

“What?” Kie blinked rapidly. “You’re not dragging me down. What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m saying, before…when we…kissed,” JJ made eye contact with her. “I just don’t want to bring you down. You’ve got a way out of here, Kie. I don’t want to be the reason why you stay behind and settle.”

“I’m not settling,” said Kie.

“You can do so much fucking better than me. If you stick around me, I’m just gonna do something crazy or fuck up and then bring you down with me. I can’t do that to you, Kie.”

“JJ,” Kie bought a shaky hand up to his face. “Are you saying you regret that kiss?”

“No,” JJ’s gaze fell. God, he felt like an idiot.

“Did you not feel anything?”

“I…I don’t know.”

“God JJ,” Kie let her hand fall. “Whatever lies your dad’s been feeding you, they’re not true. You’re worthy of love and you deserve a good life. Don’t deny yourself what feels right, just because you’re scared it’s gonna fuck up.”

“Kie,” JJ felt his throat closing. “I can’t do this to you.”

“I don’t care.”

“Well I do,” JJ took a step back. “I’m not going to stand by and watch you fuck up your life by being with me. Go home, Kie.”

Kie swiped at her eyes angrily. “Fine, I’ll go home,” she grabbed her backpack and walked towards the door. “But I’m not leaving you.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is mostly Shoupe-JJ interaction, but I felt like it was important. I'm not sure if I like how it turned out, but hey.  
> I hope y'all enjoy and let me know what ya think! :)

It was neither surprise nor a secret, that JJ hated school. Pretty much everyone knew it. He’d hated school as a small child, being all energy and slow to learn concepts, and he hated school as a teenager.

So, as he stood next to Shoupe, who was busy talking to his principal, he felt an odd self of both anger and pride. Anger, because of his clear dislike for authority figures and stern glances, and pride, because of the words Shoupe chose to say. JJ had never been referred to as clever or smart before and to hear Soupe refer to him as such, made him feel an odd sense of pride. So he wasn’t as book smart as Pope or Kie, but he wasn’t moron. H

He felt Shoupe elbow him at one point.

“Huh?” JJ looked up at his principal. “Sorry, I was just—“

“Distracted,” Principal Jones sighed. “I know.”

“I was paying attention,” JJ said firmly. “And sure, I’ll join a club or something.”

“School involvement would be good for you,” said Shoupe.

The principal nodded. “Here’s a sheet of all our extra curricular activities and teams. Some of them even count for credit.”

“Thanks,” JJ took the paper from him and handed it to Shoupe.

“Well,” Principal Jones shook Shoupe’s hand. “I think that’s about it. Happy to have you back this year, JJ.”

“Cool,” said JJ evenly.

“I’ll be in touch,” said Shoupe. The pair left the office.

“Looking forward to it, JJ!” Principal Jones called after them. JJ simply waved without turning around.

“That’s not likely,” he mumbled. At first, he thought Shoupe would reprimand him, but it didn’t come. Instead, the deputy laughed out loud, messing up JJ’s hair good-naturedly.

“He’s gonna celebrate like it’s God damn Christmas when you graduate.”

“Oh for sure,” JJ laughed along. “Oh look!” He pointed at the list of activities. “I can join the Kook force surf team.”

“You’re better than all of them put together. You’re better off training on your own and going pro from there,” said Shoupe.

“You’ve never seen me surf.”

“Yeah,” Shoupe looked over at JJ. “But I’ve seen this school’s so called surf team and it’s an embarrassment.”

“Can’t argue with that, Shoupe.”

The deputy stopped before opening the car door. “I need to pick something up before I head home.” He looked at JJ carefully and reached in his pants pocket to retrieve a key. “I got this made for you.”

“Jesus,” JJ’s eyes widened in shock.

“You go on back to my place and take a nap. You still look rough, kid.”

“Gee, thanks,” JJ rolled his eyes.

“I’ve just got somewhere I need to be.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Don’t you sass me.”

“You meeting a lady friend?” JJ raised an eyebrow.

“Hardly,” Shoupe chuckled. “Have you called Kiara?”

“Not yet,” said JJ. “I texted her saying we could chill later on tonight, if that’s cool?”

“It’s cool,” Shoupe got into the car. “I’ll see you back home.”

“Yep,” JJ smiled. Genuinely smiled. As in yes, he maybe had a home to go back to and yes, he’d do as he was told. His walk home was peaceful. It was a short walk (maybe ten minutes) but JJ felt himself actually enjoying it. He listened to a new playlist he’d created entitled “Good 80’s vibes” featuring a particularly good band he made a note of asking Shoupe about later. And then JJ felt that sense of pride again when he reached the house and opened the door himself. Like he _belonged_ there. Like he _deserved_ to be there.

JJ locked the door after himself and headed into the spare room that had slowly morphed into his own. He hadn’t changed much at all, besides move the dresser so he could his phone beside the bed to charge. Part of him wanted to make it his own, but it had only been a little over 48 hours and JJ was still scared that it was all a dream. In the back of his mind he worried about having to go back to his dad’s place to gather the last of his things, but he figured it could wait. Shoupe had been right, he was tired. He hardly had time to worry about going back to his dad’s because he fell asleep incredibly quickly.

***

JJ awoke to a loud crash and cursing. His reflex was to bolt, but then he remembered where he was and relaxed slightly. He could hear the deputy swearing in the living room and chuckled. JJ figured he was probably trying to cook, so when he rounded the corner to inspect the damage, he was taken aback at what he found. Food was nowhere to be seen. Instead, there was a half-built drum set sitting near the couch.

“God damn, son of bitchin’ thing…” Shoupe tried to adjust the hight of a crash cymbal. “I thought this was supposed to—oh!” He looked up at JJ. “Hey kid.”

“Uh…hi,” JJ raised an eyebrow.

“Sorry about the racket. I thought I’d be able to get this all done before you woke up.”

“It’s cool,” JJ stared at the drum kit. “What’s this for?”

“It’s for you.”

“For me?”

“Yeah, kid. For you,” said Shoupe, standing up with a groan.

JJ kept staring at the drums. “I don’t play.”

“Well, ya do now.”

“I don’t know how,” said JJ.

“You’ve got lessons on Thursdays with Jeff Goldberg,” said Shoupe simply.

“But those cost a fortune.”

“I know the guy,” Shoupe said casually. “He gave me a deal.”

JJ didn’t seem convinced. “What about the kit? I’ll pay you back for it.”

“Don’t even think about it. This is a hunk of junk, kid,” Shoupe snickered. “I got it for eighty bucks at the pawn shop. Maybe, if you practice and you’re any good, I’ll get you a good kit.”

“I could be horrible,” said JJ.

“I doubt that,” said Shoupe.

“How do you know?”

“Because,” Shoupe handed JJ a pair of sticks. “You’re always moving around. You’ve got lots of nervous energy and that’s a common thing with drummers.”

“And you know that, how?”

“I used to play in a couple bands growing up,” Shoupe shrugged. “Nothing serious, but enough to know that you’re every inch a drummer. Even down to the way you move your feet when you listen to music.”

“What did you play?”

“Bass,” Shoupe smiled slightly.

“Were you any good?” JJ tried to smile back.

“I was alright. Good enough to play Detroit Rock City in any event,” Shoupe gestured at the kit. “Sit,” he smiled encouragingly.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” JJ sat down on the stool slowly.

“I know some of the basics,” said Shoupe. “Try this…”

And so JJ watched as Shoupe showed him how to play the kick drum on beats one and three while the high hats played steady quarter notes. JJ nodded like he understood what four/four time meant and pretended like he knew the difference between eighth notes and quarter notes. Shoupe knew JJ understood about half of what he was saying, but it didn’t matter, because soon he was playing a steady rhythm without much effort at all.

“Like this?” JJ asked as he played.

“Yeah,” Shoupe grinned from ear to ear. “Exactly like that.”

JJ stopped playing. “What?” He looked up at the deputy’s grin.

“Nothing, kid,” Shoupe sat down on the couch. “You’re a natural.”

“You’re just saying that.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Okay…” JJ fiddled with the drum sticks.

“You gonna practice then?” Shoupe drank a sip of coffee.

“Hell yeah,” JJ smiled. So he could only play two basic rhythms, but damn it all to hell if it didn’t feel great. It was like riding a really long wave that didn’t end. It was like a constant energy.

“I got you surfing too,” said Shoupe casually.

“You—what?”

“Tuesdays you’ve got surfing coaching at 4:00. Coach said he wants to see you surf next week so he can assess your skill level. Says if you’re any good he could use you to teach some beginners.”

“I didn’t sign up for this,” JJ’s eyes narrowed. “Look, I appreciate you doing all this, but I didn’t ask for any of it and—“

“And you’re gonna do it because I’m your guardian and what I say goes, okay? It won’t kill you to have some things to do besides smoke weed and bum around the beach. So you’ll have these two activities and maybe, just maybe, you won’t get into so much trouble because you’ll be taking all your angst out on rhythms and waves,” Shoupe explained firmly. 

“Right,” JJ clenched and unclenched his jaw. He wanted to be angry and lash out, but he couldn’t. Not when he knew Shoupe was right. He owed it to the deputy to at least give it a try.

“Just try,” said Shoupe.

“Okay,” JJ looked back at the drums.

Then there was a light knock on the front door. Shoupe grunted, moaned something about being too old for this shit, and got up to open the door.

“Yeah, yeah, c’mon in,” he stepped aside.

“Kie,” JJ breathed.

“Hey,” she twitched a small smile. “What’s with the…?”

“Shoupe got it at the pawn shop,” said JJ. “Wanna hear what I can do?”

“Sure,” Kie’s eyes lit up at the sight of JJ sitting with what could only be described as an expression of pride on his face.

“I’m gonna order some food,” Shoupe looked back at the pair.

“Burritos?” JJ asked hopefully.

Shoupe rolled his eyes. “Yeah, sure, kid,” he muttered. “Oh and no sex on the drums.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been too long and I apologize for that!  
> Anyway, this chapter has some important moments and some subtle big feels. I think it turned out alright, but I always love to know what y'all think.  
> I've already got a good chunk of the next chapter mapped out (it's gonna be wild) so it shouldn't be too long until that's ready.  
> Thanks so much!!  
> xoxo

Drumming, JJ soon realized, what about the best thing he’d ever experienced. Better than fighting, better than working on cars and motors, and better than Netflix and pizza combined. He understood what Shoupe had meant by being able to channel extra energy, because after practicing for almost three hours straight the next morning, he had absolutely no desire to hunt action at the beach. In fact, all he wanted was for Shoupe to come back for his lunch break.

JJ checked his phone. Three unread messages from Pope and five from Kie. Yeah, he sucked at communication. He was totally one of those guys who would text rapid fire for two hours straight, but then completely forget to respond for days on end. He texted Pope back: _sure, let’s catch some waves later._ And then Kie: _Been practicing all morning. Sorry. Wanna swing by for lunch?_

By the time he closed his messages, the time read 12:00 and the deputy dragged his feet through the door.

“Right on time, as usual,” JJ smirked.

“Don’t need your sass today, kid,” Shoupe grimaced.

“I made coffee.”

“Thank God,” Shoupe practically ran to the kitchen.

“Rough morning?” JJ asked.

“You could say that.”

“Oh,” JJ looked down at his drum sticks. “I’ll just let you be.”

Shoupe slurped at his coffee and shook his head. “No, no, it’s fine, kid. You been practicing?”

“Yeah,” JJ smiled nervously. “Wanna hear?”

“Go for it,” Shoupe sat down at the table and waited. Sure, the deputy knew JJ would take to drumming as fast as he’d taken to surfing, but he hadn’t prepared himself for the sheer talent he possessed. He watched, jaw hanging slack, as JJ turned on the record player and played along with a few songs. He had to stop and start a few times, cursing in between, but the fact that JJ had obviously learned how to play the songs that morning was not lost on him.

“I fucked up that last part pretty bad,” JJ wiped his brow and sighed. “Gotta work on that more.”

“Jesus Christ,” Shoupe stood up.

“What?”

“You just learned that today?”

“Yeah,” JJ seemed all too nonchalant.

“How?”

“By listening,” JJ paused. “And a bit of youtube.”

Shoupe blinked, still in shock. “You know that’s not normal, right?”

“Huh?” JJ fidgeted with his sticks nervously.

“You know it normally takes a person weeks before they can even attempt what you just did in four hours.”

“Three hours,” JJ replied. “I smoked a joint and watched Bugs Bunny around ten.” 

“How you manage to both make me livid and proud at the same time, I’ll never understand.”

“It’s a gift.”

“You eat yet?” Shoupe got up from his chair again.

“Kie’s coming by and dropping off some food,” said JJ.

“Bless that girl,” said Shoupe. He ran a hand over his face, clearly exhausted, when someone started hammering on the door. JJ froze. “Stay put. I’ve got this.” Shoupe put hand on his shoulder to calm him.

“Shoupe!” A voice hollered from outside the screen door.

“God damn it,” Shoupe rushed over to the door. “I’m coming.” He unlocked the door and huffed in annoyance.

“Need ya to sign some papers for me, Deputy,” an officer strode into the house. “What’s that kid doing here?”

“That kid,” Shoupe glared at the officer. “Is staying with me.”

“You’re shitting me.”

“Do you really want me to like you even less, Daniels?”

“Lighten up, Shoupe. I didn’t know you were in the habit of taking in charity cases.” 

Shoupe noticed JJ’s hardening expression and snapped. “Shut your mouth, Daniels.”

“Jesus, it’s not like you to be all tetchy!”

“You’re an incompetent idiot, you know that?”

“That kid’s nothing but trouble,” Officer Daniels hardly got the words out when Shoupe had him pinned against the wall.

“That _kid_ is staying with me and that _kid_ has more talent in his pinky finger than you have in your entire cadet-trained, privileged body!” Shoupe shouted. He held Daniels by his shirt collar.

“Jesus, I’m sorry!” The officer cried. “You don’t need to lose your shit on me!”

“I haven’t even started yet,” Shoupe’s eyes narrowed. “You say one more thing about me or the kid and I will report you so fast it’ll make your head spin.”

“Fine.”

“One word.”

“Fine!” The officer struggled against Shoupe’s grip.

“Idiot,” Shoupe let the officer go. “Get outta here.”

Officer Daniels practically ran from the house. JJ had backed himself up against the far wall and when Shoupe noticed him, visibly shaken and wide-eyed, his expression softened.

“Still got it, old man,” JJ tried to joke feebily.

“Every now and then,” Shoupe approached him slowly. “Sorry about that, kid.”

“S’okay.”

“Hey,” Shoupe lowered his voice. “You’re okay.”

“I know,” JJ tried to relax. His heart was still pounding.

“I didn’t mean for that to get so intense. I should have known better than to react like that.”

“It’s cool,” JJ replied.

Shoupe shook his head. “You’ve seen enough violence. You don’t need it from me too.”

“Seriously, Shoupe, it’s fine,” JJ pushed himself from the wall and shook himself.

“I’m gonna screw this up lots, kid. I’m kinda learning as I go too.”

“I know,” JJ poured himself a cup of coffee. “Me too.”

“We’ll figure it out.”

“Something like that,” said JJ. “So…you’re not a fan of Officer Daniels then I take it?”

Shoupe groaned at this. “He’s a useless idiot.”

“Hence the shitty morning.”

“Exactly,” Shoupe replied. “Four hours stuck doing God damn paperwork with that useless turd fresh outta cadets.”

“Kook?”

“You betcha,” Shoupe suppressed a yawn. “When’s that girl of yours showing up?”

JJ checked his phone nervously. “She should be here.”

“Is she usually late?”

“No, never,” JJ swiped through Kie’s texts. “She got off work half an hour ago.”

“The Wreck, right?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll take you there.”

“It’s okay, I got my bike,” JJ pocketed his phone again.

Shoupe grasped his car keys. “I’ll take you.”

“Fine,” JJ noticed defeat. He was tired and worried and frankly, even three minutes in Shoupe’s air conditioned car made the ride worth it.

They drove in relative silence. JJ stared out the window. It felt odd to him; getting a ride from someone who was looking after him. JJ had only ever looked after himself. The concept of someone else looking out for him, especially an adult, was so foreign, he felt slightly uneasy. Like at any moment the spell would break and Shoupe would turn him in to social services. Sometimes they’d pass a few Kooks and they’d notice JJ in the passenger seat and eye him with such distain and suspicion that it made him shift uncomfortably. Shoupe noticed this, of course.

“I hate ‘em too,” Shoupe commented as they passed three Kooks in front of the marina.

“Really?”

“With a burning passion. Hey, I didn’t grow up privileged and comfortable. I have very little sympathy for kids who get a free pass on life just because there daddy’s a hot shot lawyer.”

“No shit,” JJ grinned. “Wish you could lock ‘em all up.”

“Something like that,” Shoupe eyed JJ’s jigging legs. “Hey, she’s gonna be okay, alright? She hasn’t gone anywhere other than to work and home again, right?”

“Right.”

“So nothing’s gonna happen to her from the restaurant to her house. And I bet her folks probably take her there and back, anyway.”

“Sure,” JJ tried to have confidence in Shoupe’s words.

“What about your other buddy?”

“Pope? He’s on house arrest.”

“Understandable,” said Shoupe. They approached The Wreck from the back as per JJ’s instruction. Shoupe had hardly turned the motor off when they heard shouting from the back kitchen entrance. The words were hardly recognizable, but JJ knew anger when he heard it.

“Shit,” JJ cursed under his breath. He opened the car door before Shoupe could hold him back.

“Cool your jets, kid!” Shoupe called after him. But JJ was in no mood to be smart. He could hear Kie shouting, he could practically _feel_ her crying, and he wasn’t about to let it happen. He stopped in front of the back door and listened for a moment. Kie’s mother’s voice rang loud and clear.

“Don’t you _dare_ use that tone with me, Kiara! After all we’ve done for you! After what we’ve built! You are behaving like an ungrateful brat and your father has every right to keep you from that scum!”

JJ stiffened. He knew Kie had issues with her parents, but he never considered that their words were just as damaging as his father’s fists. He knew first hand that Luke’s blows were one thing, but his stinging words hurt more. It pained JJ to hear Kie’s mother shout such horrible things to her only daughter, simply because she wouldn’t conform and obey. He heard the word _dirty_ and _reputation_ and made up his mind. Shoupe had just made it to his side to stop him, but JJ opened the door before he could do anything about it.

“Leave her alone,” JJ strode into the kitchen. Kie was standing in the middle of the kitchen, shaking from head to toe, and carrying a bag of takeaway in her hand. Her parents were on either side of her. Her father noticed JJ first and glared.

“Get away from her,” he spat. “We don’t want you anywhere near our daughter anymore.”

“I’m her best friend,” JJ stood his ground. “And one of the only ones she has left.”

“This would have never happened if she’d stayed away from you in the first place,” Kie’s mother fumed.

“I’d do anything for Kie.”

“Kie needs to focus on getting her life back on track. She doesn’t need you,” Kie’s father said.

“Dad!” Kie cried as she made eye contact with JJ. “I _need_ him! He’s the only thing I’ve got left!”

“Leave, Maybank. Don’t come back,” Kie’s father ignored his daughter.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“I won’t have my daughter hanging around with criminals and thugs like—“

“Stop right there,” Shoupe entered the kitchen.

“Deputy,” Kie’s mother softened. “What seems to be the problem?”

“Right now, you,” his eyes narrowed at Kie’s mother before turning to her father. “And you.”

“Us?”

“Yeah you, Anna,” Shoupe put a hand on JJ’s shoulder to calm his rattled nerves. “I don’t really like it when folks talk down to people I care about.”

“And what’s the Maybank kid to you?” Kie’s father stood tall.

“He’s my kid,” Shoupe replied firmly as if that settled the matter.

“He’s what?”

“He’s my kid and I won’t stand for the way you two treat him. Now either you two agree to let Kiara here come over for lunch, or she’ll sneak out on you later. Either way, I’ll be seeing her today.”

“Kiara…” Anna looked at her daughter pleadingly.

“Bye, mom,” Kie swiped at her eyes angrily. “Bye, dad. I’ll be home in time for the supper rush.”

Her parents stood mute as Shoupe gave them a finally glare and ushered the kids out the door.

“You didn’t have to do that, Shoupe,” JJ said. He joined Kie in the back and put a comforting hand over hers.

“Yeah I did,” the deputy looked back at the pair.

“Thank you,” Kie said earnestly.

“No problem. What do ya got in the bag of yours?”

“Fried rice, popcorn shrimp, and fries.”

“Dibs on the fries,” Shoupe said. “I figure after that Oscar winning performance, I deserve some grease.”

“Definitely,” JJ grinned. He looked over at the Kie and stroked her hand lightly. She gave him a look back as if saying _I’m okay_ and smiled back at him.

“Don’t you guys be getting all lovey-dovey back there,” Shoupe glanced back at them.

“We’re not doing anything,” said JJ. “Jesus, what is with you and your obsession with abstinence.”

Kie flushed and giggled. Actually giggled and JJ thought it was about the greatest thing he’d ever heard.

“I’m not obsessed.”

“Sure you’re not,” JJ smirked. “You know, maybe you’re just tetchy ‘cause you aren’t getting any?”

“Watch it, kid,” Shoupe replied quickly. He couldn’t help but grin, though.

“Maybe if you got out more—dated a little bit…”

“Right, because every woman’s dream is a fat aging cop,” Shoupe chuckled.

“We could make you a dating profile!” Kie joked brightly, much to the amusement of JJ.

“Dude, with all kinds of pictures with your guns and uniform. Woman love a uniform. And we could—“

“You will do no such thing,” Shoupe stopped the car in front of their house. “I am not getting into online dating and nothing y’all say is going to change my mind.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo this is a bit shorter than I intended, so massive apologies for that. Hope this hits y'all right in the feels.   
> Also, slight trigger warning 'cause ol' Luke Maybank is involved and that's always a shit show.   
> Anyway, let me know what you guys think! Your feedback means so much :) xoxo

JJ had his first drumming lesson and it was both terrifying and inspiring in equal measure. Terrifying because his teacher caught on to his talent within seconds and pushed him and made corrections about every ten seconds. Inspiring because JJ knew, deep down and despite his self doubts, that no teacher would care as much as Jeff Goldberg, if they didn’t think he was any good.

JJ’s surfing coach was also hard to please, but gave him a trial period for teaching beginner lessons. JJ would observe other lessons for a while before getting permission to start teaching his own. He passed the teacher’s examination with flying colours.

Kie was talking to him again, almost like normal, though things were still awkward and tense. Pope had lunch with them one day while Shoupe kept grumbling about how he only adopted one kid, not three. He pretended to be annoyed, but JJ knew he didn’t mind all that much.

So all in all, things were looking up. They were still traumatized and hurting, but they were healing. JJ was healing physically and mentally. That didn’t stop him from worrying, though. Sometimes he still felt that the whole situation was too good to be true. That something would blow up or his self destructive tendencies would come out again.

It was twelve-thirty, half an hour into Shoupe’s lunch break, when JJ decided to go to the station. He was waiting with Pope.

“Shoupe said not to come down to the station,” Pope, ever the voice of reason, watched JJ’s nervous pacing.

“Shoupe also said he’d be here at noon. He’s always here at noon.”

“Maybe he got caught up with paperwork?”

“He hates paperwork.”

“So maybe it’s taking him longer?” Pope tried to reason, but JJ wasn’t hearing any of it.

“He procrastinates paperwork. He wouldn’t be doing it in the middle of the day.”

“Okay… I still don’t think we should go down there, though.”

JJ ran a hand through his hair and put his ball cap back on. “He should be here. What if something happened? What if—“

“JJ!” Pope stood in front of him to stop his pacing. “I’m sure he just got caught up with something.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do know that if something serious happened, we’d be getting a call by now. The whole island knows you’re living with him,” said Pope. Before, he’d been able to handle JJ’s outbursts. Before, it wasn’t quite as dangerously out of control. Their friends hadn’t been lost at sea and presumed dead before though.

“What if Rafe or Barry got to him or—“

“Fine!” Pope recognized defeat with a frustrated sigh. If JJ was going to go in guns blazing, he’d at least be there to pull him back from doing anything too stupid. “We’ll go.”

“Okay,” JJ tried to gather his thoughts.

“It’s gonna be fine. Everything’s probably fine and Shoupe just lost track of time.”

“Dude, you don’t lose track of time when burritos are on the line,” said JJ. He pocketed his cell phone, grabbed his backpack, and dashed out the door.

“Hey! That rhymed!” Pope called after him.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m basically slim shady,” JJ launched himself into the twinkie.

“How very Y2K of you.”

“So here’s the plan…”

“You have a plan?” Pope stared at JJ as they started to drive away. “Since when do you have a plan?”

“Since I don’t feel like getting us both killed today.”

“Man, is Kie rubbing off on you or something?”

“Whatever,” JJ chose to dismiss his comment. “Look, you just stay here okay? I’ll call you if I run into problems.”

“Yeah, no, not happening,” Pope said firmly as JJ parked haphazardly.

“Pope, if something’s going down, I don’t want you involved, okay?”

“That’s stupid, JJ, you can’t go in there alone.”

“I can and I will,” JJ said firmly. He closed the door behind him with a snap and didn’t look back.

JJ was prepared for a multitude of things, but he wasn’t quite prepared for the situation to be so damn personal. The second he opened the door to the station, his heart jumped into his throat. God, he knew that voice anywhere. The voice literally ricochet off the walls and made his blood run cold.

“ _I demand to see my God damn son!”_

JJ felt like he couldn’t breath. He felt someone put a hand on his shoulder.

“Let’s get outta here, JJ.” It was Pope. Of course he’d followed him in. “C’mon JJ. Before he sees you.”

But JJ wouldn’t budge. He felt rooted to the spot. His dad’s voice drowned out Pope’s reasoning.

“ _That useless son of a bitch made my life a living hell and y’all got the nerve to keep him from me?”_

JJ tried to take in a deep breath. Then another voice joined.

“Get your ass out of my station, Maybank!” Shoupe hollered.

“Not until I see my son!” Luke yelled back.

“He’s not your son anymore!”

“Like hell he’s not. He’s got a restitution to pay off and bills to pay and—“

“Now you listen to me you sick drunk!” Shoupe pinned Luke against the wall. “You get out of my station, get out of my face, and stay away from JJ. If I see you within a mile of my house or this station, I will arrest your ass so fast it’ll make your head spin.”

JJ blinked rapidly, trying to process the scene before him. He heard Pope urging him to leave and pulling at his arm, but he couldn’t move. The moment seemed suspended in mid air. Shoupe holding Luke in a choke hold and Luke turning his head to notice JJ standing by the entrance.

“You’ve done nothing but turn my life into a living hell, boy!” Luke shouted. Shoupe, noticing Luke’s eyes shift to over his shoulder, turned around. 

“Get outta here, JJ,” Shoupe said as calmly as he could.

JJ swayed as his father continued ranting across the room.

“Everything you touch turns to shit!” Luke tried taking a step forward. Shoupe slammed him back against the wall with full force.

“I’ve had about as much as I can take from you,” he hissed. “Cuff him.” Two of the officers watching close by rushed forwards and grasped Luke.

He did not go quietly.

“Get your fucking hands off me!” He yelled. “You see what you’re doing to me, boy? You see what you’ve done? If I get my hands on you—“

_whack._

JJ jolted back. Pope put an arm around him, seemingly keeping him upright. Shoupe had punched Luke right in the face. Blood was gushing from his nose.

“Take him away,” Shoupe shook his hand. Luke didn’t leave silently.

“What's the boy to you anyway?”

“He’s not the boy,” Shoupe turned away from Luke and collected himself. “His name is JJ and he’s my kid now.”

JJ watched in bewilderment as his dad was dragged away and Shoupe approached him slowly.

“I thought I told you not to come here?” He said, though his gaze was gentle.

JJ looked up at the deputy and shrugged. He was shaking, close to tears, and completely overwhelmed. The feelings he’d tried so hard to hide were bubbling over.

“I tried to tell him,” said Pope delicately.

“I’m sure you did,” Shoupe ruffled Pope’s hair affectionately. “You’re a good friend.”

Pope seemed to stand taller upon hearing the words and nodded.

“I…I thought you were in trouble,” JJ’s voice shook.

“No trouble, kid,” Shoupe put his hands on JJ’s shoulders to steady him. “Hey, look at me, JJ.”

JJ let out a quivering breath and looked up. Christ, the boy was brave. Braver then any teenager had a right to be.

“You’re gonna be okay,” Shoupe gave his shoulders a squeeze. “You’re never gonna see that piece of shit again as long as I can help it. He’s never gonna touch you or hurt you again.”

“You—you can’t promise that.”

“Yeah,” Shoupe ignored any and all cues and pulled JJ into an embrace. The kid needed comfort weather he liked it or not. “I can promise that, JJ. I’ve got the power to lock him up for a good long while so you never see him again. I promise you that you’ll never have to deal with him again as long as I have anything to do with it.”

JJ didn’t know what to say. He felt himself relaxing without even realizing it.

“What do you need, JJ?” Pope asked softly.

“I dunno,” JJ answered, his voice muffled against Shoupe’s uniform.

“I can go to the wreck and get some fries or…Kie?” As much as it pained Pope to see the connection between Kie and JJ, he knew her comfort and understanding was second to none. He knew if anybody could put JJ back together again, it would be her.

“I don’t…I don’t want Kie to see this,” JJ whispered.

“She cares, bro,” Pope got out his phone. “Let her care.”

“Tell her I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” said Shoupe. He looked over at Pope. “Call Kiara and let her know what happened. Bring her over to my place and tell her I’ll pay for lunch.”

“Okay,” said Pope. He left after a quick exchange of nods.

“Let’s get you home,” Shoupe looked down at JJ. He felt him stiffed. A knee-jerk reaction. “My place, kid. Your new home.”

“Right,” JJ tried to relax.

“You’re gonna be okay.”

“How do you know that?”

“I’ve already spent eighty bucks on a drum set, a hundred on lessons, and another hundred on surfing coaching for this month,” Shoupe grinned playfully. “You better be okay.”

JJ couldn’t help but chuckle. “I’ll try.”

“I can’t ask for more than that.”

“Hey,” JJ let Shoupe guide him out the station. “Did you mean what you said back there about me being your kid?”

Shoupe stopped walking and put a firm hand on JJ’s shoulder. “Absolutely.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey it's a new chapter wooooo ft. moody Shoupe, Kie's feelings, and JJ's realizations.   
> Everyone deserves a hug.   
> I hope y'all like this!! This chapter didn't quite turn out the way I wanted it to, but hey.   
> Thanks so much for the love and comments!! <3 xoxo

When JJ returned back to the small bungalow that was his new home, he was unresponsive. Shoupe tried to speak to him, but it seemed the exhaustion was setting in. Every little noise made JJ jump. Every move Shoupe made was slow and deliberate, watching JJ’s cues, as to not scare him.

“You want a beer, kid?” Shoupe offered him a can as they sat down on the couch. JJ simply shook her head and stared at the carpet. The last thing he wanted was alcohol. He could still smell the cheap whiskey his dad drank that had nearly penetrated the entire station house. Shoupe seemed to understand. “Yeah, I guess drinking is about the last thing you wanna do right now,” he muttered. “I’d order us pizza for lunch, but I’m pretty sure your friends’ll come with doggy bags.”

JJ nodded weakly, but kept his focus down. “Kie’s coming?”

“Yeah, kid. Kie’s coming,” Shoupe put a gentle hand on JJ’s bouncing knee.

“I’m fucked up,” JJ whispered. “It’s all fucked up.”

“Don’t say that,” Shoupe said slowly.

“S'true.”

“No, it’s not. I promise you. You’re never gonna have to deal with your ol’ man again. You believe me, right?” Shoupe tried to make eye contact with JJ, but he simply shrugged and kept his gaze down. “I need you to believe me, kid. I’m not gonna give up on you. I’ll fight for you.” Again, all JJ did was shrug. Shoupe ran a hand over his face. JJ’s unresponsiveness was to be expected, but that didn’t make it easy to deal with. Anger, he could deal with. Frankly, he preferred JJ flying off the handle and staying out all night to pick fights over the shell of a boy who sat beside him. Shoupe wanted to keep trying to talk, but a knock in the front door stopped him. JJ jumped slightly.

“It’s just your friends,” Shoupe said gently. Once he saw JJ relax back into the couch, he went to open the door. Kie and Pope waited anxiously, take-away bags in hand.

“How’s he doing?” Pope tried to whisper so JJ wouldn’t overhear.

“It’s pretty rough right now,” Shoupe replied quietly.

“Shit,” Pope cursed lowly. “We can try and talk to him?”

“How about this…” Shoupe took the bags off of Pope. “How about you and me have a little chat in the kitchen and get this food ready. Give these two some space.”

“Oh, I don’t really think—“ Kie began, nervously shifting her weight back and forth.

“He was asking for you, Kiara,” said Shoupe.

“I don’t know what I can do for him.”

Pope turned to face Kie. “Just be there. Listen to him if he talks.”

“You’re better at talking sense than I am, Pope,” said Kie.

“Maybe so, but Pope’s not the one he’s asking for,” said Shoupe. “Go to him. We’ll be in the kitchen if you need anything.”

“Okay,” Kie took a deep breath. She watched Shoupe and Pope turn the corner into the kitchen and then put her focus on JJ. He hadn’t moved at all. His legs were jerking up and down while he ran his hands through his hair and pinched his eyes shut. Kie had never seen him like that. Even the night in the hot tub, when he sobbed into her shoulder and confessed his fears to her, it hadn’t been this bad.

“JJ?” Kie walked towards him slowly. “Hey, JJ… it’s me. It’s Kie.” JJ didn’t say anything. When Kie made to sit next to him he flinched back and she gasped. God, she wasn’t expecting it. She’d seen JJ hurt more times than she could count, but she’d never seen him this truly traumatized and broken. “Shhh…” she tried to shush his rattled nerves. “It’s just me, okay? It’s just Kie. I’m just gonna sit here, okay? I’m not gonna hurt you. Nobody’s gonna hurt you.”

And then it was as if JJ could sense who it was before he understood who was speaking. He smelled coconut and honey and that organic bar shampoo he knew only Kie used.

“Kie?” He breathed in slowly again.

“Yeah,” Kie scooched closer to him so their knees with almost touching. “Yeah, it’s me.”

“Why…” JJ ran his hands over his face. “You came.”

JJ’s words didn’t make sense at first, but Kie pieced it together quickly. “I came,” she repeated softly. “And I’m here because I’m your friend and I care about you.”

“Pope?”

“He’s in the kitchen. He cares too. We all do.”

“Oh,” JJ slowly looked up.

“Can you look at me, JJ?”

JJ shivered involuntarily. He didn’t want her to see him. Kie seemed to understand, because she reached her hand out as a kind of offering. JJ hesitated for a moment, but he realized the only way he would stop shaking was if Kie held him. Even if it was just his hand. She was one of the very rare constants in his life. JJ blinked nervously and grasped Kie’s hand. He cast her a sideways glance. He had intended on it being a quick glance, but her chocolate brown eyes held him captive.

“You don’t have to stay,” he breathed.

“I want to.”

“I’m not exactly a lot of fun to be around right now,” said JJ, keeping his voice low.

“You don’t need to be fun all the time,” said Kie gently. “People get sad. They get hurt. It’s normal to be a hot mess sometimes! Nobody needs to be happy and fun all the time. Nobody is holding you to this kind of pedestal. You can’t be funny, crazy, JJ all the time.”

JJ stared into Kie’s eyes as she spoke. How many times had he thought this? He had this incessant need to be the class clown all the time. Happy-go-lucky JJ who lets nothing get to him. He realized, in that moment, how exhausting keeping up the front had been. How much he really needed to be sad. Of course, that was easier said than done. He sensed Kie’s sympathy and defaulted back to deflecting.

“Who you callin’ a hot mess?” He joked, chuckling weakly.

“What I mean is, you don’t need to keep up the happy front for us,” Kie frowned.

“I know what you mean.”

“Oh.”

“Oh,” JJ repeated. “But I gotta admit,” he took a deep breath to keep his tears at bay. “I am kinda a hot mess right now.”

“Pope told me what happened,” Kie stroked JJ’s hand with her thumb. “It’s fucked up.”

“Yep,” JJ popped the ‘p’. “Never seen my ol’ man like that before. Shoupe did a real number on him.”

“Shoupe did what he had to do. He cares.”

“Right.”

“He does, JJ. Why do you think he’s looking out for you like this?”

“Because he feels sorry for me?” JJ gripped Kie’s hand slightly tighter without realizing it.

Kie felt herself deflate. “No, JJ…” she whispered desperately. “No…Shoupe’s doing this because he cares about you and wants to help you. It has nothing to do with pity.”

“Sure it doesn’t,” JJ tried to snatch his hand back, but Kie held it firmly in her own. No, she wouldn’t let him hide this time.

“We don’t pity you, JJ, we want to help you. Do you have any idea what it was like for us to see you in that hot tub and finally understand what you’ve been going through? John B—“ Kie couldn’t help but suck in a breath at the mention of his name. “He was always looking out for you and taking you in. Do you honestly think that was because him or Big John pitied you? You’re not our own personal charity case. You’re our best friend and Shoupe’s kid and he’s doing this because he cares about you.”

JJ wanted to run out the door. Run into the waves and never come back. He didn’t want to answer Kie or face the fact that she was absolutely right. He tugged at his hand again, but instead of letting go, Kie pulled him towards her and against her chest. He was too tired to fight it; too exhausted to care about pride. Her arms wrapped around him and he let what little composure he had left, crumble.

“I’m not Shoupe’s kid,” JJ cried against Kie’s shoulder. “He—he says I am, but—but I’m nothing but a useless Maybank kid and he’s gonna realize that soon and then—“

“Shhh…” Kie ran a hand through his hair. “He’s not gonna realize that at all. He’s gonna realize how amazing you are. He’s gonna see who we see. You wanna know what I think of you, JJ?” JJ nodded weakly and wrapped his arms around Kie’s torso. “I think you’re the bravest, most loyal person I know. I think you’re clever and loving and talented and worth so much more than you give yourself credit for. You’re not useless.”

“My dad always said I was.He said it in the station too,” JJ sniffed. “I used to never believe him, but I guess you hear that shit enough, you start to believe it.”

“Fuck, JJ,” Kie’s grip around him tightened. “Don’t believe a word out of his mouth, okay?”

“He’s my _dad_ , Kie.”

“I know.”

“He’s supposed to tell me the truth and be there for me.”

“I know,” Kie murmured into JJ’s hair. She pressed a few comforting kisses to his brow.

“Maybe if I would have been better and tried harder, he wouldn’t have been so pissed off.”

“No, JJ,” Kie rubbed his back soothingly. “Nothing you could have done different would have changed him.”

“Then why does he hate me? What did I ever do to make him hate me?” JJ cried freely. Kie noticed Shoupe and Pope round the corner. Pope raised an eyebrow and nodded stiffly. He thanked Shoupe with a quick wave and left the house. Shoupe, in turn, looked over and Kie and when he noticed her small nod, he went back to eat in the kitchen. JJ’s words broke his heart, but he knew Kie had earned JJ’s trust more than he ever could.

“I don’t know, JJ,” Kie said shakily. “I wish I could fix this for you and give you parents who give and shit and care.”

“It’s okay, Kie.”

“No, it’s not,” Kie reached up to wipe a tear of her own away. “It’s not okay that your dad did this to you and made you feel like this. It’s not okay.”

JJ lifted his head upon feeling Kie’s shoulder shake. They were both crying. “Parents suck,” he lifted a hand to wipe a tear away from her face.

“You got that right,” Kie muttered.

“You want something to eat?” Make conversation— JJ forced himself to look up at her— change the subject.

“Not really,” Kie sniffled.

“You sure? I can smell the spring rolls from here.”

“I’m good.”

“Oh,” JJ watched Kie’s shoulders shake as she repressed sobs. “Well, they’re Shoupe’s favourite anyway so I’ll let him have ‘em.”

“JJ…” Kie reached for his hands again.

“Yeah?”

“I know you don’t wanna hear it, but…I’m sorry. I’m just really fucking sorry. You deserve so much better than this. I wish—“ Kie’s breath hitched. “I wish you understood how important you are. You know, every time you take off on your God damn bike at break neck speed without a helmet, I lose my mind. And you know why? Because you’re so fucking careless with your life. At first I thought it was because you just wanted the thrill, but now I understand that it’s because you really don’t think your life is worth anything. God, JJ…”

“Kie,” JJ pulled her hands towards his chest and wrapped his arms around her. “You really need to stop with all this emotional bullshit.”

“It’s not bullshit, JJ!”

“Fine, okay, it’s not, but still,” JJ didn’t know what to say. Then is occurred to him there was something he had to say. Something that was long over-do. “I’m sorry,” he breathed into her hair.

“What?” Kie pulled back hesitantly to look up at him.

“I said, I’m sorry.”

“Why? For what?”

“For not letting you talk. For dismissing your feelings. For throwing my life around even though I know it upsets you. And for bringing your down. God damn it, Kie, your life wouldn’t be like this if you didn’t know me. I’m dragging you down.”

“Not you’re not, JJ!” Kie cupped his face with her hands and forced him to look at her. “You’re my _best friend._ I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“Well, lucky for you, Shoupe makes my wear a helmet and I think I’m gonna be sticking around here for a while.”

“Good,” Kie shuddered involuntarily when JJ made to lie down and pulled her down with him so she was pressed up against in chest. “We care about you, JJ,” she fiddled with the collar of his t-shirt.

“I know.”

“You wanna know what Pope said when he came to get me? He said he was scared that we were gonna lose you. That he wanted to kill Luke and run away—just the three of us.”

“Jesus,” JJ couldn’t help but chuckle. “Like the three musketeers.”

“He cares, JJ. We all just want to help you. Let us help. Don’t,” Kie looked up at him pleadingly. “Don’t push us away.”

JJ blinked away tears. “I just don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t.”

“You’re already upset.”

“Because I _care_ and because seeing someone I love get hurt is my worst fear.”

“Kie—“ JJ wanted to question her word choice, but her face was too close to his for any rational thought to take place. _Love,_ JJ processed the word. She _loved_ him? _Him?_ “I wish we could run away together.”

“JJ…” Kie’s voice trailed off as she felt his breath fan across her face. He had freckles on his nose. How did she not notice that before? His eyes were so blue and damn it all to hell if he wasn’t saying anything back. Did he feel the same way as her or were they just emotional and traumatized? She wanted to ask him how he felt, but his lips brushed against hers and—

“NO SEX ON THE COUCH!”

“Jesus!” JJ pulled back in shock. “Nothing’s happening!”

“Nothing’s happening, my ass,” Shoupe leaned against the wall. “This ain’t happening as long as I’m here. Not on my couch, not in your room, not on the carpet or the lawn or—  
“Okay!” JJ rolled his eyes and relaxed. Kie turned her body to face Shoupe so her back was pressed against JJ’s chest.

“Finish all the spring rolls?” She grinned as she felt JJ chuckle against her.

“Smart ass kids,” Shoupe muttered under his breath. “Y’all are gonna be the death of me.”

“I have to go,” Kie glanced over her shoulder at JJ. “I can try call my parents and see if someone can take my shift?”

“No, no,” JJ pushed her off him playfully. “I don’t need your folks hating me any more than they already do.”

“I can stay.”

“I’m fine,” said JJ.

“I’m gonna be sick,” Shoupe turned away.

“I’m serious, JJ,” Kie stood up, but held onto his hand. “I can call my parents.”

“Nah,” JJ gave her hand a squeeze. “Go work your shift. I’m gonna try and practice a bit anyway.”

“Okay.”

JJ waited until Shoupe was out of ear shot. “Meet me at the beach tonight.”

“I’ll have to wait till my parents are asleep to sneak out.”

“So, midnight?” JJ smirked up at her.

“Sure,” Kie knew she was blushing. “Midnight.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy moly another chapter already? It appears so.   
> I just got real excited haha   
> Anyway, I think this baby's got a heck of a twist at the end so BEWARE. Not sure how I feel about it 100%, 'cause it's a bit of a risk, but in the end I figured I'd throw caution to the wind.   
> Hope y'all like it and let me know what ya think!   
> Your comments and support are making me so happy and loved and wowwww I can't thank you enough!!!   
> xoxo

_“One day I’ll come back to you, my darling boy. One day we’ll get away from everything,”A kindly blonde woman stroked his hair as he dozed._

_“Mama?”_

_“Yes, sweetie?”_

_“Where’s dad?” JJ blinked up at her lazily._

_“He’s…gone out for a bit.”_

_“Is he gonna be angry again?”_

_“Don’t you worry about that, sweetie. You go to sleep. When you wake up I’ll be right here and I’ll make us chocolate chip pancakes before school, okay?”_

_“M’kay,” JJ sighed into his pillow._

JJ woke up with a start.

He hadn’t had that dream in literal years. What prompted it to resurface now, years later, after he’d thought he’d gotten over that particular night, was completely beyond him. He must have somehow fallen asleep, despite trying to stay awake. He checked his phone quickly: 11:55pm. Jesus. He’d promised Kie midnight, and he didn’t relish the idea of her waiting alone by the beach, even if it was their side of the island. He could hear Shoupe snoring and relaxed. _That was ten years ago,_ JJ reminded himself sternly. _Get over it._

JJ made his way through the dark bungalow. He noticed a sealed envelope on the counter that had his name on it and even though he knew it wasn’t the right thing to do, he took it with him. Sure, he had a new home and new found sense of security, but he was still reckless and impulsive JJ.

He practically ran the whole way to the beach (making a mental note of the fact that his cardio was decided lacking) and practically crashed into Kie once he got there.

“Jesus,” Kie jumped in shock.

“Sorry,” JJ stepped back and steadied himself. “I fell asleep.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good.”

“You had a nightmare,” Kie didn’t say it like a question. She was stating a fact.

JJ tried to smirk. “Oh, so you read minds now, do ya?”

“You’re clammy, you’re eyes aren’t focusing, and you always fidget with your hands when you’re freaked out,” said Kie.

“Oh,” JJ looked down at the sand. “It’s no big deal.”

“We should talk about it.”

“Nothin’ to talk about.”

“JJ,” Kie sighed and sat down in the sand. “If you’re going to let us help you, you need to work with us. Process some of the stuff you’ve gone through.”

“See, that’s the part I’m no good at.”

“I know,” said Kie. “How about this? You tell me about your dream and then you can ask me anything and I’ll tell you the truth.”

“Oh man,” JJ smirked for real as he sat down beside her. “So kinda like a truth trade?”

“Call it what you want.”

“Deal.”

“Really?” Kie was legitimately surprised.

“Shit, sure. A truth for a truth seems legit.”

“Okay, then,” Kie took in a breath and look over at him. “So tell me about your dream.”

JJ looked back at her; saw the concern in her gentle gaze and relaxed onto his back. “It was about my mom. About the night she left. I remember them fighting— my mom and my dad— they were yelling about him drinking and her being a tramp and I forget what else— anyway, my ol’ man left after throwing something at her and she came into my room after to check up on me.I was kinda asleep, but I woke up when she sat down beside me. I asked her where my dad was and if he was going to be angry again and she lied. She lied and said not to worry and that she’d be there when I woke up.”

Kie sensed JJ’s hesitation and grabbed the hand that was situated between them.

“She left that night?” Kie chose to look up at the stars. She couldn’t bare to see JJ’s brave face.

“Yeah,” JJ sighed shakily. “She left and never came back. My dad came back the next morning though, and just about destroyed the place he was so angry. I knew if my mom would have come home then, he would have killed her. And you know what? I used to blame her for leaving, but now I don’t. I mean, fuck, she was only twenty three— she had her whole life yet to live.”

“I guess so,” Kie tried to understand. Then she did the math. “Your mom was seventeen when she had you?”

“Something like that,” JJ ran his other hand over his face. “My ol’ man always said I was a fuck up from the start.”

“Shit,” Kie stroked his hand. “That’s not true.”

“It’s whatever,” said JJ. “So do I get to ask you a question now?”

Kie stiffened slightly. “Sure.”

“That night at Midsommer’s,” JJ paused to collect his thoughts. He needed to ask this the right way or else Kie would bolt. “Rafe said you were pretty hot for a pogue. He said that like it meant something and I wanted to beat the shit out of him because I thought, I dunno why, I thought maybe something had happened between the two of you… you know, when you went Kook.”

The thumb that had been stroking JJ’s hand stilled. “Something did happen.”

“Shit, Kie, why didn’t you tell us?” JJ turned to face her. “I’ll kill him.”

“Nothing actually happened. It wasn’t that bad. I’d flirted with him before anyway, so I guess I had it coming to me. I mean, I got away before he could really do anything,” Kie tried to make light of the situation, but JJ wasn’t having any of it.

“Jesus, Kie, I thought with all your feminist stuff, that you’d know flirting with someone doesn’t give them the right to take advantage of you.”

Kie hesitated before looking over at him. She knew she was crying, her body shaking slightly from trying to keep her tears surpassed and quiet. That was the first time anyone had acknowledged Rafe’s actions as being wrong. She’d always blamed herself. It was almost easier to be angry at herself than to realize she’d been hurt.

“I tried telling Sarah…” Kie felt JJ pull her towards him.

“But she didn’t believe you,” JJ finished quietly. “So that’s why you came back.”

“No,” Kie mumbled as she cried into his shirt. “I mean, yeah, she didn’t believe me, but I didn’t come back because of that. I’d wanted to before then already. I missed you guys so fucking much.”

“I know, Kie,” JJ rubbed comforting circles around her back. “Rafe…he didn’t…”

“No,” Kie pulled back to look up at him. “No. He didn’t. He tried to kiss me and got pretty close to…” She hesitated. JJ wiped her tears away gently. “I punched him like you’d taught me and ran for it.”

“Atta girl,” JJ grinned.

“He said I was pretty hot for a pogue. That’s where he got it from.”

“Fucking asshole,” said JJ. He felt her lean in a bit closer, but the damn envelope he’d brought along pocked her in the side.

“What the hell, JJ?”

“I saw it on the counter.”

“So you thought stealing it would be a great idea,” Kie put space between them again.

JJ sighed dramatically. “It has my name on it. Technically, it’s mine.”

“Technically, you should wait for Shoupe to give it to you or ask him what it’s about.”

“It’s probably just from the school or something. He wants me to do all kinds of school activities and shit,” JJ started opening the envelope. He knew full well it wasn’t from the school, but that didn’t stop him from needing to know what it was. He’d been let down and hurt enough, he didn’t want to get lied to as well.

“JJ, I wish you wouldn’t do this,” Kie whispered.

“Look, I’m sorry Kie, but I can’t take the moral high ground here,” said JJ, anxiously taking a few papers out of the envelope. He took out his phone and used it shine a light on the papers.

“Well?” Kie watched him scan the paper nervously. She watched his eyes dart back and forth, obviously re-reading and re-reading things. She knew he was a slow reader, dyslexia she figured, but even so, it wasn’t making any sense. “JJ?” She tried to stop him as she noticed his hands shaking. “JJ, what’s going on? You’re not being sent away, are you? Shoupe’s not sending you into care, is he? He wouldn’t do that.” Kie fell silent when JJ dropped the papers and stared at her.

“He’s my dad.”

“What? Who?” Kie asked frantically.

“Wade fucking Cameron,” JJ handed her the papers shakily. The first was a birth certificate. John James Cameron. _Cameron._

“Holy shit,” Kie couldn’t process it. Wade Cameron was JJ’s father. Wade Cameron; the man who killed big John, stole the gold, and was currently hunting their two best friends down, was JJ’s real father.

“Holy shit is right,” JJ ran a hand through his hair. “I guess my ol’ man was right about one thing.”

“He knew?”

“He always suspected that my mom had cheated on him. That was always what they argued about. Why he beat her too. He thought I was a bastard kid. But my mom convinced him it was his and they got married.”

“Jesus Christ,” Kie put the papers back in the envelope. “It doesn’t change anything, though. You’re still…you… and Wade’s off God knows where so…”

“Shoupe knew. He knew and he wasn’t going to tell me. He was probably planning to give me to Wade first chance he got.”

“JJ,” Kie put her hands on his shoulders. “What if Shoupe was trying to hide this from you? What if he didn’t want you to know so he could keep you and hide the information?”

“There’s no way anyone would want me that bad, Kie,” JJ tried to chuckle.

“I do,” Kie blinked up at him. “This doesn’t change anything, JJ. You’re still you and I don’t care who you dad is.”

JJ smiled a small, grateful smile and placed a light kiss to her forehead. “Thanks, Kie,” he murmured.

Then his phone went off. Kie looked down first.

“It’s Shoupe,” she pulled away from JJ.

“I could ignore it.”

“Don’t,” said Kie firmly.

“Then I should head back,” said JJ.

Kie dropped her hands from his shoulders. “I can come with you.”

“It’s cool. I got it,” JJ waved off her concern. “You got the breakfast shift tomorrow. Don’t sweat it.”

“Look, after what you just found out, you shouldn’t be alone and—“

“And I’ll be fine,” JJ gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

“Text me or call me, okay?”

“Okay.”

“JJ?” Kie got up with him. He faced her completely.

“Yeah?”

“It’s gonna be okay,” Kie launched herself at him and hugged him fiercely.

JJ almost jumped back in surprise, but welcomed the embrace after steadying himself.

“Thanks, Kie,” he muttered into her hair. “I’ll text you later.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaaaaack with more drama than ever!! This one's quite a bit longer so the next one might be cut a bit short. Also, I'm introducing an OC in this one. Had a lot of fun writing it, so I hope it turned okay!   
> This chapter has to songs that are references and personally really dig them as a general vibe and can see them being used.   
> First is Kid Rock "Bawitdaba" and second is "Coming Home" by Leon Bridges. Consider them a playlist of sorts.   
> Anyway, I really hope y'all dig this chapter 'cause I think it's my favourite so far.   
> xoxoxo

JJ knew he'd been wrong in taking those damn papers. He knew it the second he'd done it, but he was a creature of habit and impulsive to a fault.

JJ approached the bungalow with more than a little bit of trepidation. Shoupe was waiting by the door, arms folded in front of him, looking every inch the stern father.

"Oh so you are alive?" His eyes narrowed as JJ came closer.

"Unfortunately," JJ answered bitterly. He wasn't in the mood for small talk.

"So imagine my surprise when I go check on you and you’re gone."

"Well, imagine my surprise when I saw this!" JJ thrust the envelope in Should face.

Shoupe stared at it for a moment. "Look kid..."

"No!" JJ cried. "You listen to me! When were you planning on telling me? How long have you known about this? We're you planning on sending me away with him?"

"Hell no!" Shoupe exclaimed. "I've known... since the start of the investigation. I found these in Wade's study."

"Convenient."

"I was planning on telling you."

"Sure you were," JJ clenched his jaw in anger.

"Look, this isn't exactly an easy thing to break to someone is it? It's not something you can casually slide into a conversation."

"You could have figured it out."

"And now it looks like you did that all on your own," said Shoupe. "Get inside."

"I'm not staying here."

"Yeah you are," Should argued firmly. It wasn't a discussion and he'd be willing to be the strict father if he had to.

"Why should I? It's not like I belong here. I'm not your kid, I'm fucking Wade Cameron's bastard child."

"I'm was planning on destroying these after I told you, now get in the God damn house!” Shoupe raised his voice. He knew anger wasn’t the answer. He knew yelling at the boy would only aggravate him further, but he was new at this whole ‘being a father’ thing and it wasn’t like it came with a manual.

JJ examined Shoupe’s expression carefully. “So you wanted to make this dissappeare?”

“Absolutely,” Shoupe opened the door behind him. “But I knew you deserved the truth. I’m just sorry I didn’t get around to telling you sooner. You shouldn’t have found out like this.”

“It’s bullshit,” JJ brushed past him into the house. A small victory.

“I’m sorry, kid.”

“No, I don’t mean you, I mean all of this. My ol’ man, my real dad being a murderer…”

Shoupe nodded as JJ’s voice trailed off. “You got dealt a shitty hand of cards, kid, but you can rise above it. Work through it.”

“Did you think about sending me away? When you found out about my d— Wade, I mean,” JJ didn’t want to refer to Wade as his father. Almost as much as he didn’t want to call Luke his father either. “Did you want to send me away to him?”

“No,” Shoupe answered simply. They sat down on the couch.

“So this was just…”

“A miscommunication. You jumping to conclusions and me not communicating properly.”

“Right,” JJ put his face into his hands.

Shoupe hesitated before slowly wrapping an arm around the boy’s shoulders. He flinched slightly, as was custom, but relaxed quite quickly.

“I’m really sorry, JJ. For my part in this and for everything,” said Shoupe.

“It’s cool,” JJ ran his hands over his face.

“You know this doesn’t change anything, right? As far as I’m concerned you’re neither Wade’s kid nor Luke’s kid. You’re _my_ kid.”

JJ glanced at Shoupe cautiously. “You really mean that?”

“Absolutely.”

“You’re not lying or bullshitting me or anything?”

“I swear on my badge, kid. I swear on my mother’s grave and good name that none of this changes anything. You’re still JJ and you’re still my kid.”

“Okay,” said JJ shakily. Shoupe had hoped for more, but the fact that JJ was acknowledging and accepting his words was a step in the right direction. JJ’s phone buzzed beside him incessantly.

“You better answer that,” Shoupe said, detaching his arm from JJ’s shoulders. He needed a beer.

“It’s Kie,” said JJ as he texted. He didn’t have to tell Shoupe who he was texting. He just felt like he should.

“She’s a great kid, that one.”

“Yeah,” JJ sighed and put his phone down again.

“You any closer to asking her out?”

JJ’s eyes widened. “What? Not even.”

“I think she’s got it bad for you, kid,” Shoupe handed JJ a ginger ale and sat down again.

“Pope’s in love with her,” JJ explained, expression tight. “It’s…complicated.”

“But they’re not together.”

“No.”

“But you feel guilty asking her out because your best friend likes her,” said Shoupe.

JJ flopped back against the couch. “Yeah,” he sighed. “Exactly.”

“Does Kiara like Pope?”

“I don’t think so,” said JJ. “I mean, she likes all of us for some reason, but I don’t think she _like likes_ Pope. Or maybe she does and I’m just kidding myself. She did kiss him before and I know she feels bad about letting him down. And sometimes I see them together, talking about a book or whatever, and I think yeah, there is something there.”

“I think y’all are doing the right thing, then. Be friends. Be there for each other. Don’t rush into anything. But then again, I don’t know shit about relationships.”

JJ laughed out loud at this. “But you’re a regular ol’ Romeo deputy.”

“Oh yeah, that’s me, lady killer Shoupe.”

“Don’t sell yourself short, man. I’m sure you’d clean up real good if we got you dressed nice.”

“Very funny, kid,” Shoupe chuckled.

“Hey, I don’t know shit about relationships either.”

“Coulda fooled me.”

“I can get girls no problem, deputy,” JJ managed a light hearted smirk. “It’s the part after that, that I can’t get right.”

“Ah,” Shoupe smiled knowingly. “I used to think that last part get’s better with age, but here I am, living proof that it doesn’t.”

Shoupe’s words came out as a joke but JJ, ever the master of deflecting, knew the tactic well. Disguising pain with humour was something he did all too often. Never before had he seen such a similarity between him and the deputy.

“You divorced or something, then?” The question came tumbling out of JJ’s mouth and he instantly regretted it. “Sorry,” he back-pedalled. “You don’t have to answer that.”

“It’s okay, kid,” Shoupe smiled half heartedly. “Nah, I’ve never been divorced. Never had a wife to begin with. Had a steady girlfriend for years. Met her after military school and lived with her for years until I finally got up the nerve to ask her to marry me.”

“She turned you down?”

“Not quite,” said Shoupe. “We were engaged for a few months, until she broke it off. Her old boyfriend came into town and pretty much swept her off her feet. I you know what? I don’t even blame her. The guy looked like Brad Pitt and had a private jet and a law firm. Hell, I woulda left with him given half the chance!”

“You can do better,” JJ chuckled.

“You’re funny.”

“Hey, if I were gay, I’d go for someone like Leon Bridges. He’s one classy dude,” said JJ, stifling a yawn.

“Why don’t you get off to bed, JJ? I gotta get into work early tomorrow, but I’ll be back by noon for lunch again.”

“Okay,” JJ stretched and handed Shoupe the envelope. “Do whatever you want with it.”

Shoupe snatched the envelope from JJ’s grasp and took out his lighter. He walked over to the sink and lit the envelope on fire. He dropped it into the sink and, once it had turned into ash, washed it down the drain.

“That’s that dealt with,” he smiled over his shoulder at JJ, who expression was stuck between stunned and a smirk.

“Thanks,” JJ didn’t know what else to say. He’d never known someone besides the Pogues to put that much effort into his well being.

“No problem.”

“I’m gonna—uh—head to bed. For real this time.”

“Good. And a warning, I’m gonna be a moody ass bitch tomorrow with you keeping me up into all hours of the night. Some of us need to get up and work the next day,” said Shoupe, the ghost of a smile still present on his lips. JJ chuckled and nodded at this. He waved goodnight to Shoupe one last time and fell asleep with, considering everything that had happened, surprising ease.

***

_God,_ JJ grumbled, _who the fuck is calling me this early?_

“Shut uuuup,” JJ groaned to himself. His phone stopped vibrating for a fraction of a second, only to start up again. He checked the small digital alarm clock by his bed— 10:45am. Okay, so he slept in, it wasn’t like he had to be anywhere. He checked his phone as it vibrated. It was Kie and, in checking his missed calls, it had been Kie for the past five minutes. Twelve missed calls.

“Hey, what’s—“

"JJ!" Kie cried, her voice audibly cracking over the phone. JJ's heart stopped beating for a moment.

“Kie? You okay?”

"JJ! Get over to the storage units by south beach! Now!"

"Kie, what's going on?"

"Pope and I- we're in trouble. We need backup!"

"Trouble?" JJ threw himself out of bed. "what kind of trouble? What are you talking about? Are you guys okay?"

"Just get down here as fast as you can!" Kie yelled.

"Be there in five," JJ panted, rushing around the house for his keys. He was still in his clothes from the night before. Kie and Pope in trouble could only mean two things: Wade was back on the warpath or Barry wanted his money back. After successfully selling the Cat’s Ass and any and all of Luke’s stash, JJ had managed to collect back almost 10k. He’d surprised himself. He hadn’t even mentioned any of it to Shoupe and he realized the small bit of good fortune that had come his way. The small duffle bag under his new bed contained the money and somehow JJ figured he would need it.

True to his word, JJ made it to the storage units by the southern most edge of the beach in under five minutes. One of the units was open and it took everything in JJ to stay cool as her took in the scene. Rafe and Barry had both Kie and Pope cornered, but why neither of them were putting up a fight, he had no idea. Pope had recently proven himself to be a good man in a a fight and Kie was far from a damsel in distress.

“Let them go!” JJ shouted. “Do whatever you want with me, just let them go. They didn’t steal your money, I did!”

Barry whipped around and smiled. “Let ‘em go, Rafe, we got what we need now. Unless the girl wants to have some fun?”

“Don’t you fucking _dare!”_ JJ jumped forward.

“Sore subject, Pogue?” Rafe snickered.

“Fuck off.”

“Y’all did your job,” Barry gestured a hand out. “You’re free to go.”

“We’re not leaving without JJ!” Pope cried. Damn Pope and his fierce loyalty.

JJ wouldn’t hear of it. “Just go!” He exclaimed, his voice bordering on desperate.

“You heard the boy, skedaddle!” Barry grinned.

“We’re not leaving till we know he’s okay!” Pope wouldn’t back down. Kie gripped his arm tightly, seemingly torn and unsure of what to say.

“I’ve got the money,” JJ held up the duffle bag. “I’ll be fine. You guys get outta here. You don’t need more trouble, Pope.”

Pope knew JJ was referring to his record and the fact that any more crime on it would result in absolutely no chance in any scholarship. Once again, JJ was putting himself at risk for the sake of his friends’ well being. It wasn’t something Pope wanted to live with, but JJ was making it increasingly difficult for him to fight against it.

“We’re not leaving you alone, man!” Pope tried.

“Don’t be an idiot!” JJ watched Barry’s hands twitch impatiently. He was running out of time. “Go! I’ll be fine!”

“JJ—“

“No!” JJ didn’t let Pope finish. “Go! If you don’t, we’ll all end up dead.” It was a gross exaggeration, but he needed something that would stick.

It did.

Kie cast JJ one last pleading glance before Pope pulled them away. Neither of them felt good about the agreement, but JJ knew that if they stayed, Barry and Rafe wouldn’t hesitate to hurt them to get at him. JJ gestured to his phone, silently communicating that he’d text that he’s okay. He mouthed what he hoped looked like _don’t tell Shoupe_ as they ran away to safety.

JJ tried to stand tall, because despite is crippling fear, he didn’t want Rafe or Barry to know it. If he was going to die, he was going to die standing tall.

“How much did you fucking steal from me?” Barry swung his fist around casually. _Brass knuckles_ , JJ saw them and inadvertently flinched. Where he got them from, he had no idea, but if any of the mobster movies he’d watched were any indication, he was going to be in for a whole world of pain.

“Twenty-five,” JJ muttered, taking a shaky step back.

“Twenty-five thousand dollars,” Barry took to steps forward and Rafe laughed. “And how much do you have right now?”

“Ten,” JJ tried to maintain eye contact. Avoiding eye contact showed fear.

“You’ve got some kind of nerve, Pogue, thinking you can make things square by not even having _half_ my money.”

“I can pay the rest off soon. I’ve got a few odd jobs lined up.”

“And you think mowing somebody’s god damn lawn is gonna fix this,” Rafe kicked a rock to the side. “You know, I always thought you were an idiot, but this really takes the cake.”

“I’ll get it to you,” said JJ. He was being backed into a corner and he knew it. He was just stalling for time.

“Why don’t I believe you?” Barry adjusted the brass knuckles casually.

JJ opened his mouth to respond, but the sound of heavy music and a motorcycle stopped him.The music practically shook the walls of the abandoned storage unit JJ had used to crash in before Shoupe took him in. _And this is for the questions that don't have an answer._ _The midnight glances and the topless dancers…_ the song trailed off as the engine stopped and JJ couldn’t help but notice both Barry and Rafe stiffen. JJ glanced over his shoulder. A young woman approached them wearing distressed blue jeans, converse all star runners, and a Rage Against the Machine shirt that said ‘fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me’ on it. Her shoulder length wavy hair was wild around her face as she took her helmet off.

“You know,” she let her helmet drop to the floor. “I should have just done this myself.”

“I was just—“

“Shut it, Barry,” the girl’s lip twitched. “I should have known you’d be too much of a pussy to actually get a job done.”

“We were just getting to it,” said Rafe, taking a few steps back. JJ had never seen him so uncomfortable.

“Oh yes, I can see that country club. Because two guys taking on one beach bum is real hard.”

“Well we got him cornered,” Barry nodded towards JJ.

“I can see that. Any old fool could do that. It’s not fucking hard. I don’t know why everything is so god damn hard for you, Barry.”

“If you would have just waited an hour.”

“An hour?” The girl tossed her head back and laughed. “You think I have time to wait while you pussy foot around and play games? You know what, get outta here. Both of you. Before I lose my shit completely.”

“Look—“

“Shut up, Cameron,” the girl glared at him. “Don’t think I haven’t forgotten about what you owe me.”

“Shit,” Rafe glanced at Barry. The pair stood still for a moment, exchanging fearful glances, before running off. JJ didn’t have time to be amused, though, because the girl came up to him and took a pistol out of her back pocket.

“So, you’re the piece of shit that stole my money?”

“Your money?” JJ swallowed thickly.

“Yeah, my money. What, you actually thought a low-life drug dealer like Barry actually had that kind of cash? He was holding it for me.”

“Well, he didn’t hide it very well,” JJ knew he shouldn’t be mouthy, considering she could blow his head off, but he didn’t know what else to do.

“No, that he didn’t.”

“I’ve got ten thousand,” JJ held out the small duffle bag to her.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” she snatched it from him.

“I bought a hot tub and a generator and they took it back but I couldn’t get all the money back on it and—“

“Do I look like I give a shit?” She opened the bag and inspected the money.

“I can get you the rest,” said JJ.

“Don’t bother,” the girl put her gun away. “I’d rather get Barry to get it for me. Watch him squirm a bit. Besides, it’s his fucking fault you stole it.”

“I guess,” JJ shrugged. Who was he to argue.

“So,” the girl leaned again the wall and sat down. “You’re Luke Maybank’s kid?”

JJ stiffened slightly. “Kinda. It’s a long story.”

“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna kill ya.”

“Right.”

“Too much on me,” the girl grinned. “Your dad’s an asshole, by the way.”

“You’re not wrong,” JJ shifted his weight uncomfortably.

“Sit. You’re making me nervous.”

“Well, so are you,” JJ sat down slowly.

“I’m Sam, by the way,” the girl watched JJ closely.

JJ nodded his head in acknowledgment. “JJ,” he replied.

“So, what did you need twenty-five k for, JJ Maybank?”

“My restitution.”

“Shitty deal,” Sam grimaced. “Mine was over forty k.”

“Jesus.”

“Yeah, well, that’s what happens when you get caught jacking a car and crash it.”

“Shit,” said JJ. “When did that happen?”

“Last year. Got dared to do it at my sixteenth birthday party too,” said Sam. Why she was sharing this, she had no idea. JJ wasn’t anyone to her. If anything, he could become a liability.

“You’re seventeen?”

“Hard to believe, huh?” Sam smirked and ran a hand through her hair. “Shit, I’m baby-faced and I know it. My dad says it works in my favour sometimes, though.”

“How?” JJ watched her.

“Get away with more,” Sam grinned.

“Don’t I know it,” JJ couldn’t help but grin back briefly. Then a question occurred to him. One that he knew he shouldn’t ask, but couldn’t help himself. “How do you know my ol’ man?” He looked down at the floor.

“Luke and my ol’ man go way back,” Sam rolled her eyes. “Both losers.”

“So you…”

“Work for my dad,” Sam finished bitterly. “Yeah. It’s a thrill.”

“And this money you need…”

“Is actually my dad’s. Yeah.”

JJ watched Sam’s lip press together in a thin line. It was the first time he actually looked at her. She was tough, there was no way around that, but she was pretty too. Not in the instagram model kind of way, but the classic way. Round face, fine features, blue eyes. She didn’t wear any makeup and for a reason that JJ couldn’t pin point, he liked that. Not that he was attracted to her. It was more like he respected her. Dug her.

“I’ll try and get the rest to you,” JJ said firmly. Because it was at that point that he realized if Sam’s dad was anything like Luke, she mostly needed the money out of fear. Lord knows what would happen to her if she came back empty handed.

“This’ll tide me over for a bit,” Sam replied quickly. “It’s cool.”

“Barry and Rafe,” JJ paused for a second. “They’re pretty fucking scared of you.”

“Yeah, they should be. I could beat them both up and they know it.”

“That’s bad ass,” JJ smiled.

“Trust me, you wanna make it in this rat race as a woman, you gotta get tough. Nobody listens to a chick unless they’re twice as capable as a guy in this business.”

“Oh,” JJ didn’t know what to say. He’s seen enough TV shows— Peaky Blinders came to mind— to know how hard women had to work to earn a measure of respect. “It’s bullshit, but I get it.”

“Thanks,” Sam offered JJ a smoke. “Helps that they both know my ol’ man.”

“I get it. Hey…huh—I know this is totally random and I mean, you don’t have to say yes or anything but—what’re you doing tonight?”

“You askin’ me out, after I point a gun at you, JJ?” Sam cocked an eyebrow in amusement.

“No, no,” JJ shifted awkwardly. “It’s just, me and my friends… sometimes we go to the boneyard and hang out. Drink and get high n’ dance… if you—uh—wanna join.”

“I don’t _do_ friends.”

“Everyone needs friends.”

“I don’t,” Sam replied smoothly. “All I need is Leon Bridges and a bottle of wine.”

“Wow,” JJ wasn’t expecting that. He’d only just mentioned Leon Bridges the night before and now here was this girl, who (without even really realizing it) had saved him and his friends, referencing him as well.

“What?”

“Nothin’.”

 _“_ Don’t tell me you don’t like Mr. Bridges! _By myself, I don't want nobody else, the world leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, girl…”_ Sam sang casually. “Instant classic.”

JJ could tell she didn’t think anything of her singing, but Jesus, she was good. Really good. “I like his stuff a lot,” JJ said, the ghost of a smile playing on his lips. “You’re really good.”

“You’re hilarious.”

They sat in silence for a moment. JJ texted Pope and Kie, requesting them at the boneyard later.

“I really wish you’d come,” JJ looked over at Sam. “You know, I don’t think you’re all that scary. And I don’t care what you think, you do need friends. Who knows, you might even like us.”

“Don’t like you very much,” said Sam.

“Well I don’t like myself too much either, so at least we can agree on that.”

“Fine,” Sam sighed. “Fine, I’ll come.”

“Really?” JJ’s eyes lit up.

“Shoot, sure. What’ve I got to lose.”

“Oh man,” JJ stood up and chuckled at Sam’s sour expression. “This is gonna be something else.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter's kinda filler, but it's actually my new favourite.   
> I know some of y'all are worried about the whole JJ/Sam thing, but you'll just have to see how it unfolds. (don't worry, I'm still committed to a slow burn Jiara.)  
> I hope y'all like it :)   
> Let me know what ya think! Your support and comments mean so much to me!! xoxo

At first, JJ thought bringing Sam to the boneyard would be a great idea. He’d done the responsible thing and texted Shoupe about staying out late, arguing that it was the last days of summer and he intended on getting some life out of it yet, but he didn’t mention anything about their latest near death experience. He figured by essentially befriending his enemy’s boss, he’d squared the deal.

It took all of one minute for Kie to spin on her heals and tug JJ away from Sam and the cooler of beer her and Pope and supplied.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” She hissed.

“I told you, I brought a friend.”

“Another wanted fugitive?”

“You don’t know that,” JJ argued in a low voice. Even though Sam and Pope were chatting on a washed up log, he didn’t want their conversation overheard. It had taken enough effort to get Sam to come in the first place.

“I read your texts. If it was her money to begin with, I guarantee she didn’t come by it honestly,” said Kie.

“Obviously. She works for her dad.”

“Drug dealer?”

“Smuggling, I think.”

“Oh, even better,” Kie huffed. “How the _fuck_ is this a good idea?”

“She’s smart,” JJ wiped the sweat off his brow. “She’s tough and she’s a good connection to have. As long as she’s around, Rafe and Barry won’t give us any more trouble.”

Kie processed this. She hated to admit when, on very rare occasions, JJ’s ideas turned out to be good ones. Now, bringing the daughter of a dangerous drug smuggler into the Pogues wasn’t exactly brilliant, but she had to admit, it had it’s advantages.

“Fine,” she begrudgingly admitted defeat.

“Sweet,” JJ smiled. Kie didn’t like how happy he was. Sure, she wanted nothing more than to see him smile, but she’d rather it be because of her and not because of some new wild girl. Kie shook herself; jealousy didn’t suit her. It was a painfully unproductive emotion. Completely toxic. She won’t succumb to it. Besides, she was the one who hadn’t fully resolved things with Pope yet so maybe JJ did have every right to look elsewhere.

“You okay?” JJ noticed her blank expression.

“It’s cool,” Kie shrugged. “At least Pope’s having some fun.”

JJ looked over to where Pope and Sam were chatting excitedly.

“Go figure,” JJ smirked. “Yeah, she is kind of a nerd.”

“No kidding,” Kie walked back to the cooler with JJ.

“Y’all done talking about me?” Sam glanced up at the pair.

“Oh I— we weren’t—“

“Smooth, JJ,” Sam smirked.

“We weren’t talking about you,” Kie said evenly. “I’m Kiara by the way.”

“Sam.”

“Short for Samantha?” Kie sat down next to Pope.

“Just Sam. Nobody calls me Samantha,” said Sam.

“Samantha doesn’t suit you at all,” said Pope. “So…” he paused and fiddled with the full beer in his hand. “You going back to school in the fall?”

“Don’t think so,” said Sam.

“Why not?” Asked JJ. “I thought you said you’re smart.”

Sam frowned. “I didn’t say that dumb-ass.”

“You basically did. When we were on our way down here you said you’d taken advanced lit in school and that you were on the debate team. That’s means you’re smart.”

Pope’s eyes widened. “Did you take your Pre-SAT’s?”

“Yeah…” Sam stared down at the sand.

“What did you get?”

“Pope!” Kie exclaimed. “Seriously?”

“What?” Pope glanced over at Sam. “Oh shit, sorry. I didn’t mean to—“

“It’s fine,” Sam chuckled at his awkwardness. “It’s cool. It’s not like it matters now ‘cause I’m not going back. Besides, it’s probably not even that great. I didn’t exactly have time to study. I don’t even know what people usually get. I think I got, like, 1310 or something.”

Kie and Pope’s mouths quite literally dropped.

“What?” JJ quirked an eyebrow suspiciously. “Is that, like, crazy good or something?”

“Uh— that’s pretty much in the top ten percent in the country, dude,” said Pope. “You seriously got that?”

“Pretty sure, yeah,” Sam kept her focus on the sand.

“Okay, that’s _insane,_ ” Pope emphasized dramatically. “You gotta go back to school. If you score SAT’s like that you could get a scholarship for Harvard or something!”

“Oh yeah, because every ivy league school wants the daughter of a notorious drug smuggler showing up to take law.”

“Personally, I think it’s hysterical,” JJ smirked.

“You would,” Sam chuckled in spite of herself. She glanced over at Pope who was still staring at her wide-eyed. It made her blush. Then it made her angry; she never blushed. “What’re you staring at?”

“Nothing,” Pope blinked rapidly. “I just can’t get over it. I’ve never even _met_ anybody whoscored even close to that high.”

“Would you like to shake my hand?”

“I mean…” Pope shifted awkwardly when Sam extended her hand to him.

“Nice to meet ya, Pope,” Sam tried to smile.

“Nice to meet you too, Sam,” Pope smiled back nervously. “Drink?” He handed her a beer.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

“Well…” Kie walked around to the other side of JJ and whispered in his ear. “They’re getting along real nice.”

“Kinda thought they would,” JJ grinned. “What’s it to you, Kie?”

“Nothin’,” Kie huffed. “My one friend invites a some weird girl and my other friend is crushing on her.”

“What are you, jealous?”

“Hell no,” Kie tried to deny.

“Sounds to me like you’re jealous.”

“Why should I be jealous? Pope’s just being friendly and it’s not like we’re together.”

“But you did kiss him,” said JJ. He regretted it instantly.

Kie cast a glare at him. “I’m getting outta here.”

“What?” Pope looked up suddenly. He’d been so engrossed in Sam’s extensive knowledge on Lord of the Rings, that he didn’t notice Kie stand up.

“Don’t go, Kie,” JJ looked up at her pleadingly.

“I’m just tired, okay? I’ll —uh—catch you later guys,” She looked over her shoulder at Sam. “I’ll probably see you around.”

“That’s not likely,” Sam replied.

“It was nice meeting you, anyway,” Kie tried to be civil. She waved at the trio and left, knowing full well she’d overreacted, but sue her. She was tired and stressed and she didn’t like that her one best friend was suddenly into a girl that her other best friend seemed all too keen on befriending.

“Well fuck,” Sam downed her beer. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” JJ said firmly. “Kie’s just… she hard to read sometimes.”

“That’s not too hard to read, dude,” said Sam. “She wants no part of me and I get it. I’m not very likeable and I don’t make it my business to be.”

“She’s just scared of letting anyone into the group,” said Pope.

“Okay well, I don’t want to create drama between y’all so as swell as this has been, I’m gonna split.”

“No!” JJ stood up. “Look… Kie’s just being weird. She’s protective of us Pogues and she doesn’t want us getting hurt anymore. We lost two of our best friends and we’re not about to lose anyone else. She’s come around, though. Cause you’re great, Sam. You’re really, really, great.”

“Guys…”

“Seriously,” Pope agreed. “Don’t ditch us before you’ve even given us a chance. You just need to get to know Kie. Give her some time.”

“Guys, this is all really nice and everything, but, maybe Kie is right. I’m not exactly someone y’all should be hanging out with.”

“Why don’t you let us be the judge of that?” JJ challenged her.

“You’re really smart, Sam,” Pope stood up as well. “And we need brains in the group. Real brains. I’ve got a head for books and useless medical factoids, but you… you’re clever and quick and hell, you’ve already saved JJ once.”

“You’re not gonna win this one, Sam,” JJ smirked down at her.

“Fuck, fine,” Sam muttered under her breath. Both boys smiled.

“You got a phone on ya?” Pope asked, swiftly awkwardly for a moment.

“Uh…yeah,” Sam held out her battered iphone.

Pope held out his hand. “Unlock it.”

“You gonna hack me or something?”

“No, I’m gonna put my number in your phone,” Pope kept his focus on her phone. “That way if you need one of us or just wanna hang, you can get in touch.”

“Oh,” Sam nodded stiffly as Pope handed her the phone back. 

“I’m gonna go after Kie,” he said. “It really was nice meeting you, Sam. I’ll see you around!”

“Sure,” Sam replied. She watched Pope go and then looked down at her screen. There was a new contact that said Pope with a smily face emoji after it.

“So much for not making friends,” JJ finished his beer.

“Y’all are far too persuasive.”

“So, do you wanna stay here or…”

“I’ve got nowhere to go,” Sam said quietly. She could have lied and said she had a place to crash and just slept on a park bench, but for whatever reason she didn’t want to lie to JJ. The words, though they were the truth, filled her with an unbearable amount of shame, all the same.

“I know a place. Nobody would look for you there.”

“Forget I said anything,” Sam got up abruptly. “I’ll figure something out.”

“Like hell,” JJ followed her. “I can sneak you into where I’m staying for now and tomorrow we’ll figure something else out, okay?”

“Your folks won’t mind?”

JJ thought of Shoupe. He’d mind. But frankly, he never checked in on JJ in the mornings. He was always late for work and more focussed on coffee. He wouldn’t notice an extra person in his room unless he opened the door to check.

“No,” JJ decided. “It’s no problem.”

“I could always go home,” said Sam. She could. Her dad’s place wasn’t that far away, but the thought of spending another night there made her shiver involuntarily.

“Yeah, no, that’s not happening.”

“Jesus.”

“Just let me do this for you, okay? I mean, you did pretty much save my life before so I kinda owe you one.”

“Well, if you put it that way,” Sam looked off into the distance as they into the twinky.

They drove in silence. JJ had texted Shoupe before they left, saying that he was on his way home and not to wait up for him. JJ managed to sneak them through the kitchen and into his room, only stopping to chuckle at Shoupe aggressive snoring, and shut the door softly.

“I’ll take the floor,” JJ whispered.

“Don’t be stupid,” Sam’s eyes adjusted to the dim lighting. There were books and papers all over the floor, mostly some kind of weird sheet music. She eyed it suspiciously.

“I’m learning how to play drums,” JJ pushed a pile of papers aside with his foot.

“Oh nice.”

“C’mon,” JJ opened the window and took out a joint. “Want some?”

“Oh, twist my arm,” the corner of Sam’s lip twitched. They sat on the edge of JJ’s bed while the cool breeze wafted in through the open window. He noticed Sam check her phone. Her gaze lingered on the new contact.

“So…Pope, huh?” JJ smirked over at Sam.

“I’m being an idiot.”

“How so?”

“It’s just…fuck,” Sam ran a frustrated hand through her hair. “I’ve always, _always_ , avoided feeling anything for anyone. I just didn’t think it was in the cards for me, ya know? I mean, let’s get real here, I’m not exactly arm candy and I’m sure as hell not a catch, so I’ve always avoided even having a crush on anyone.”

“Okay,” JJ nodded in understanding and passed the joint to her.

“But now I’ve gone and fucked everything up.”

“Because you’re into Pope?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re right, that is stupid,” said JJ. “Not you liking Pope. Pope’s great and I actually think you guys would work really well. What’s stupid is you thinking you fucked up. You haven’t fucked anything up.”

“You don’t get it,” Sam lowered her gaze.

“You’re not an idiot for liking someone.”

“Sure I am. Especially since I know there’s no way he’d like me back.”

“You don’t know that,” said JJ.

Sam rolled her eyes dramatically. “Shit, sure I do. You see the way he looks at Kie. He’s so into her it’s not even funny. Why would he look twice at me? Some girl he’s known for all of four hours.”

“So hang out with us more. Stick around. Stay in the chateau. Nobody’s living there right now and I know for a fact that we’re gonna need someone to look after it.”

“I don’t stick around anywhere very long.”

“Well stick around here for a bit. Give us a chance. Give Pope a chance.”

“I’m nothing like her,” Sam mumbled. “I don’t blame Pope for being so into Kie. She’s pretty much perfect.”

“Don’t I know it,” JJ sighed. “We’ve been dancing around each other for a while now and it’s just…complicated.”

“But you like her?”

“God, yeah.”

“But so does Pope and she doesn’t want to hurt him,” Sam handed the joint back to him.

“Something like that,” JJ took a long drag. “Part of me thinks she does like him though and part of me thinks she’d be stupid not to go for him. Pope…he’s got prospects. He can get outta here.”

“I don’t think you’re any less than Pope and I know Kie doesn’t think that either.”

“Sure,” JJ’s face remained expressionless. “For the record, just because I like Kie, doesn’t mean I’m blind. I know it’s hard to not compare yourself, but just because you don’t look like Kie, doesn’t mean you’re not good looking. I don’t mean that in a _I’m trying to hit on you_ kind of way, I mean—“

“I get what you mean,” Sam chuckled. JJ laughed.

“You have nice eyes.”

“What?”

“Like, they’re really green, ya know?”

“Uh—thanks,” Sam tried not to flush. She wasn’t blind either. Sure, she was hung up on Pope, but JJ wasn’t exactly hard on the eyes. And she’d never had a boy compliment her before. “You gonna go all Harry Potter on me?”

“Huh?”

“You know, _you have your mother’s eyes,_ and all that bullshit?”

“Hell no,” JJ laughed. “I never got into that stuff.”

“Yeah, me neither. A few of my buddies back home were obsessed and never shut up about it. I’m more into Lord of the Rings.”

“Totally! Pope _loves_ Lord of the Rings,” JJ smiled. “Shoupe gave me his old copy of the books. I read pretty slow, but I’ve already made it through half of the first book.”

“Oh dude, you’re in for a wild ride. I read them once a year religiously.”

“So you’re a nerd, is what you’re saying.”

“Basically,” Sam grinned. “I actually wanted to study law before shit his the fan with my dad’s business and stuff.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. I was actually doing real well in school and everything.”

“Shit,” JJ frowned. “That blows. I’m sorry.”

“Eh,” Sam waved off his sympathy. “It is what it is. I can’t afford college anyway.”

“I guess so.”

Sam finished the joint and put it out in a cup JJ kept by his headboard. “You ever thought of doing anything after you graduate?”

“Not really. I always just thought I’d try going pro with surfing or work in a garage on the island.”

“You’re too good for that,” Sam lay on her back. Christ, it felt good to lye in a bed with a halfway decent mattress. 

“Sure,” JJ made to leave the bed, but Sam stopped him.

“I’m not gonna kill ya,” she smirked.

“Good to know,” JJ chuckled under his breath. Sam made room so JJ could lie down next to her. She turned her head to face him slightly.

“You’re a good guy, you know that, JJ?”

“Huh?” Sam’s comment took JJ by surprise.

“Kie would be an idiot not to go for you.”

JJ wanted to respond, but he was sleepy and high and warm and even though the whole day had been another roller coaster of emotions, he felt himself drifting off.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda filler again, but more action coming soon!!   
> Thanks so much for reading this so far and I really hope y'all are digging it.   
> Let me know your thoughts and all that :)  
> Stay safe out there <3

“Hey, kid!”

JJ registered the voice, but didn’t react until he heard a knock on the door.

“Shit,” JJ bolted upright and shook Sam awake. She looked at him, wide-eyed with confusion, as the bedroom door jiggled and Shoupe let himself in.

“I don’t think I’m gonna be able to come back for lunch to— what the _hell_?”

“Don’t freak out,” JJ put his hands up in mock surrender.

“I think I’m gonna be sick.”

“You and me both,” Sam glared over at JJ. “You’re staying with a cop? You managed to leave out that little detail last night.”

“I didn’t think it was…shit, I should have… God damn it,” JJ’s eyes darted between Shoupe and Sam.

“You’ve got exactly one minute and thirty two seconds to explain to me why I shouldn’t ground your ass,” said Shoupe. The corner of Sam’s lip twitched in amusement.

“Okay, first of all, yeah, Shoupe’s a cop, but he’s cool!” JJ said quickly and turned his attention to Shoupe. Sam rolled her eyes. “Second of all, nothing happened. I mean, we fell asleep with our clothes still on for fucks’ sake.”

“Language,” said Shoupe. “You’re telling me that you snuck a girl in here last night just to have a God damn sleepover?”

“Language,” Sam repeated and got up from the bed. “And yeah, he did. Thanks a lot, dude, but I gotta run.”

“Yeah, that’s not happening,” Shoupe stood in front the doorway. “You look familiar.”

“I’ve just got one of those faces.”

“No, I feel like I know you.”

“That’s not creepy,” Sam shifted her weight anxiously. “Now can I go, please?”

“You can stay,” said JJ firmly. “You’ll be safe here.”

“Safe?” Shoupe looked down at JJ. “What do you mean, safe? And don’t you think that’s something you should have run by me first?”

“God damn it, JJ, I’m not staying with a cop,” said Sam.

“Her name’s Sam and she doesn’t have anywhere to go. I told her she could stay at the Chateau,” said JJ. He stood up and walked in front of Sam so he could face Shoupe.

“Which means you expect me to turn a blind eye to some girl squatting in a wanted fugitive’s old home?”

“Yeah,” JJ held out a hand to stop Sam from interjecting. He didn’t need her attitude making matters worse. “John B isn’t a fugitive. Rafe did it and you and I both know that.”

“I know, but the rest of the station and three quarters of the island doesn’t know that.”

“Look, she needs a place for a little bit.”

“I’m seriously fine, JJ,” Sam tried.

Shoupe took a good look at the girl. She looked warn. She wan’t thin or malnourished, but she looked bone tired. The dark puffy rings under her eyes made her look so much older than she really was.

“Till the end of the summer,” Shoupe said cautiously. JJ’s face lit up. “But I want you gone by the time school starts. I can turn a blind eye until then. That gives you three weeks to either get back home or I find you a more permanent place to stay.”

“Sure thing, sir,” Sam saluted the man.

“It’s Deputy Shoupe, or just Shoupe.”

“Alrighty Shoupe,” Sam grinned.

“You got your bags packed?”

“Didn’t bring nothin’. Just me an’ my bike.”

“Your bike?” Shoupe looked out the window. “Jesus, of course you have a motorcycle.”

“I didn’t steal it.”

“I didn’t say you did,” said Shoupe. “You kids figure everything out and I’ll see you at around four JJ.”

“Cool,” said JJ.

“And I expect it to be sans girlfriend.”

“Sam’s not my girlfriend,” JJ said quickly.

Shoupe raised an eyebrow. “Sure she isn’t.”

“I’m not,” Sam’s lips thinned. “I’m not into relationships.”

“Good for you, kid,” Shoupe patted her shoulder affectionately. “Neither am I. Waste of time.”

“You can say that again.”

“Right, well, you kids get settled and I’ll see you later JJ,” Shoupe grabbed his car keys and strode out the door.

“See ya!” JJ called after him. Sam walked back to the bedroom in silence. JJ trailed behind her anxiously. Her phone vibrated and they both looked down at it.

_Hey. Nice meeting you last night. You doing okay?_

_7:25am from Pope :)_

Sam unlocked her phone, read it, and put it away.

“You should reply,” said JJ.

“He literally just sent it.”

“So? I know for a fact that Pope likes a quick response.”

“Well I don’t. It’s clingy. I don’t do clingy.”

“That’s valid,” JJ nodded. He understood that. Frankly, he never got why so many people his age got so hung up on texting. If someone wanted to talk to him so bad, they’d call him or talk to him in person. Still, he knew Pope and Pope would want to hear back from her. “You should reply, though. Even if it’s like, hey, I’m busy but I’m good.”

“If I don’t reply, I’m pretty sure he can assume that I’m busy,” said Sam. The edge was back to her voice again.

“Yeah and he can also assume that you’re not interested in him.”

“I’m not.”

“Yeah, you are.”

“I’m trying not to be,” said Sam. “Texting him back won’t help me distance myself.”

“Why would you want to cut yourself off from someone you genuinely like? You were so happy talking to him last night.”

“Because!” Sam whipped around. “Because if I text him back, I’ll end up thinking about him. And if I think about him, I’ll start liking him more. And if I start liking him more it’ll hurt that much more when he inevitably rejects me ‘cause I’m cold or fat or weird or whatever!”

JJ stood rooted to the spot. He hadn’t expected Sam’s confession to hit home. Lord knows he’d spent _years_ in denial over how he felt about Kie.

“I get it,” JJ reached for his phone. “I understand. Trust me, I do. But you can’t go it in this fucked up world alone. I’d be dead without the Pogues. So here’s what’s gonna happen… you’re gonna text Pope back and I’m gonna message our group chat and get everyone over to the chateau. We’ll clean it up and get you settled in.”

“But your friends…”

“They’ll be fine with it. We haven’t even been back at the Chateau since John B and Sarah disappeared. We’ll need someone halfways sane around to help us pick up the pieces.”

“I heard about what happened,” Sam picked at a hole in the sleeve of her sweater. “I don’t think they’re dead either.”

JJ swallowed hard. “Yeah,” he messaged the group chat quickly. “You know, it’s kinda weird. I used to think John B was nuts for thinking his dad was still alive out at sea. He held onto that hope for months and months and I thought he was crazy for thinking that. And now, here I am, thinking the exact same thing.”

“You’re not crazy,” said Sam firmly. “Crazy would be going back to a parent who treats you like garbage just in the hopes that one day they’ll change for you. It’s not crazy to hope for the best when it comes to people who actually gave a shit about you.”

JJ digested her words slowly. “You’re really smart, you know that?”

“I try,” Sam smiled a small smile. “I also smell.”

“Oh shit, right, do you wanna shower or something?”

“That would be stellar right about now.”

“Cool, it’s just down the hall there. I’ll—uh— practice a little bit and then I’ll go in after you’re done.”

“Cool,” Sam turned down the hall. JJ stood still for a moment, still processing Sam’s words. He heard the water turn on and realized, foolishly, that he hadn’t brought her a spare towel. He grabbed one from the storage cupboard and quietly opened the door to the washroom. He dropped the towel on the toilet lid and was about to leave when he heard something mixed with the sound of falling water.

Sam was definitely crying. And he definitely wasn’t supposed to hear. He left the washroom quickly and reached for his phone. Maybe he’d live to regret it, but he had to do something.

“Hey, Pope?” JJ got as far away from the washroom as possible.

“Hey,” Pope’s voice sounded gravelly from sleep. “I already messaged back. I’ll be there. I’ll work on Kie. She’ll be there too.”

“It’s not about that.”

“Oh,” Pope paused. “What’s up?”

“Listen, you know I’m shit at this kinda stuff, but I just walked in on Sam in the shower—“

“Holy shit!”

“No, not like that!” JJ hissed. “I mean, like I was dropping off a towel for her and I heard her… crying. Like, I’m pretty sure she was crying.”

“Oh…” JJ could practically hear Pope thinking. “Damn.”

“Damn is right.”

“We’ll figure something out, JJ, okay? Don’t worry about.”

“Okay. I told her to text you back.”

“She told you I texted her?”

“No,” JJ sighed in frustration. “Her phone vibrated and we both just kinda looked down.”

“Oh.”

“Right.”

“I’ll see you at the chateau, JJ,” said Pope.

“Okay,” JJ sat down behind his drum set. “I’ll see ya.”

***

“Some place ya got here,” Sam tore up a strip of police tape as the Pogues entered the Chateau.

“Used to be Big John’s,” said JJ.

“Big John?”

“John B’s dad,” explained Pope.

“Oh,” Sam kicked an empty chocolate bar wrapper to the side. “You guys crashed here?”

“I used to,” said JJ. “Not so much now anymore.”

“Since the deputy took you in.”

“Since our friends disappeared,” JJ corrected. His voice was oddly quiet and cautious. It was as if he was afraid of breaking a kind of spell.

“Yeah, I get that. Too many memories,” said Sam.

“Maybe they will come back,” Kie’s voice seemed far away. “We gotta believe that they will.”

“It’s so weird with them not being here,” Pope stared one of John B’s Hawaiian shirts that slung over the back of a chair.

“In the meantime, it wouldn’t hurt to tidy the place up, right?” Sam tried. She knew why JJ had brought her here. Sure, it was for her own good and it was a place to stay, but she also knew that she was there to break the ice. Make what was a horrible situation, slightly more bearable.

“Can’t hurt,” Pope looked over at JJ. He was picking junk up off the floor and tossing it in a plastic bag.

“You know, this would be way easier if y’all didn’t buy single use plastic shit,” Sam picked up a solo cup.

Kie whipped around to face her. “I literally try and tell them that every day.”

“No shit.”

“It’s not like it’s a big thing.”

“And small changes can lead to big changes,” said Sam.

Kie smiled from ear to ear. “Absolutely.”

“Right well, now that you two have successfully bonded, why don’t we pick some of this shit up?” JJ looked at the two girls. They put their hands on their hips and faced him.

“Maybe if you didn’t buy solo cups in bulk and ate a vegetable once in a while, we wouldn’t have to do this,” said Kie.

“This shit is horrible for your body anyway,” Sam held up an empty Hostess cake wrapper. “You know one of these is literally forty percent of your daly sugar intake?”

“Are you being serious right now?” JJ’s eyes narrowed.

“Oh absolutely,” Sam picked up an empty bag of chips. “And these are more than fifty percent of your fat and sixty percent of your daly salt intake. Honestly, I’m surprised y’all are still alive.”

“Yeah me too, but before I thought it was because of the whole ‘almost being shot’ thing and not death by junk food,” said JJ.

“You should eat a vegetable once in a while,” said Kie. “It really wouldn’t kill you to not live off of fries and processed shit.”

Sam nodded and looked over at Pope. “Please tell me you’re not like this too?”

Pope froze. “I mean— I—uh—“

“I thought you were supposed to be into medicine and stuff.”

“I wanna be a mortician, not a dietician.”

“That’s hot,” Sam chuckled. 

The new and slightly modified group of Pogues spent the rest of the morning cleaning. Sam pretended like she didn’t notice Kie almost cry at the sight of one of Sarah’s shirts and JJ had to excuse himself more than once to get high. At one point, Kie and JJ shared a joint on the steps outside, leaving Pope and Sam in the kitchen.

“You doing okay?” Pope glanced over at the girl.

“Oh, I’m fine, dude.”

“Yeah? I’m sorry if texting you was…forward or weird.”

“Not weird,” Sam dried a plate. “I’m just new at this whole friendship thing.”

“I get it,” said Pope. “So besides Lord of the Rings and reading academic journals for kicks, what are you into?”

Sam took a moment before replying. “I dunno, really. I don’t really come from a place that really allows for hobbies.”

“Oh,” Pope digested her words. He understood. Sure, he had surfing, but he’d done decidedly less of that since the hunt for gold and his scholarship. “Yeah, I kinda get that.”

“I mean, I used to sing,” Sam said quietly and instantly regretted it. The words felt foreign in her mouth. They belonged to a past life.

“Really?”

“It was ages ago.”

“What did you sing?”

“You gotta promise not to laugh,” Sam stopped working on the dishes and made eye contact with Pope.

“You have my word.”

“My old school used to have a jazz band and our band teacher asked me to sing for this trio once and I dunno, we did a couple odd gigs and it was cool for a bit.”

“Trio… like, bass, keyboard, drums?”

“Yeah,” Sam could feel herself flushing and she didn’t like it.

“That’s awesome!” Pope smiled. “So you can sing jazz, is what you’re saying.”

“Jazz, blues…whatever. I wasn’t any good, but it was fun.”

“You should sing something sometime. I don’t know that much about that kinda stuff, but it seems really cool. What do you like about it?”

“I dunno,” Sam thought for a second. “It’s like… complicated. Lots of different chords and rhythms and I dunno. It’s like reading Bleak House. It’s really fucking hard to get through, but once you’re done you’re like, damn, that was such a good book.”

“I get that,” Pope nodded. “I read all kinds of medical journals, not because I wanna be a doctor, but because it’s interesting and challenging.”

“Yeah,” Sam’s voice trailed off as she went back to the dishes.

“Hey,” Pope approached her and put a hand on her shoulder. She flinched instinctively and Pope took a step back. “Sorry,” he murmured.

“S’okay,” Sam shook herself. God, she thought she was well past that.

“Not, it’s not. I’m sorry.”

“Well don’t be.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Pope studied her. He’d known JJ to be skittish around physical touch before and he’d been around some of Kie’s panic attacks, but he’d never known someone to literally recoil from comfort before. He’d hardly touched her.

“Dude, I’m fine. Chill,” Sam forced a smile.

“I’m chill,” Pope replied. He opened his mouth to continue, but JJ and Kie came back inside, arguing about something to do with veganism, so Pope chose to keep his mouth shut. At least for the time being.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one took me a bit longer to finish up, so I'm terribly sorry for the slight delay.   
> Some filler, some drama, some angst, and a good ol' cliff hanger.   
> Let me know what ya think! I'm so beyond amazed that y'all are actually reading this. Your support and comments make me smile so dang hard. Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!

They passed around a joint; the last of JJ’s cousins killer weed as the afternoon dragged on. Dimly, JJ registered that he should text Shoupe, but he figured the deputy would come down if he was desperately needed. Besides, it was the last days of summer. They’d be starting twelfth grade soon and damn it all, if that didn’t scare the shit out of JJ. Since when were they seventeen-going-on-eighteen and in their last year of school. As far as JJ could think back, he’d always wished he’d been older. He remembered being ten and wishing he was sixteen so he could fight back or run away.

There were a few things that were constant in JJ’s life. The sky, the water, surfing, a good tune— those were things he’d learned to count on. He’d learned to count on the Pogues too, but that had since changed. John B and Sarah were gone. His two other best friends could still end up together. They’d go to college and leave and then his only constant would be his memories. Those times he looked back on and wished he’d savoured a little bit more. Nobody tells you, when you’re fourteen, that life goes so damn fast. You want it to, when you’re that age, but you don’t realize that you can’t get it back.

“I miss them,” Kie broke the silence. “I know y’all don’t wanna talk about this, but I really miss them.”

Pope put a hand on Kie’s knee. “I miss them too. Every day.”

“We did the right thing, coming back here,” said Kie. “John B… he’d want us to keep the place nice.”

“Definitely,” said Pope.

“Sometimes I feel like they’re gonna walk in and surprise us and we can go back to normal.”

“They still could,” said JJ.

“Do you really believe that, or are you just saying that?” Kie passed the joint to JJ.

JJ sighed and took a drag. “I dunno. I want to believe it.”

“It’s hard to have faith in something that’s too good to be true,” Sam stared out at the water. The three Pogues all looked over at her.

“Exactly,” JJ said in a low voice.

“I guess that’s the thing. When you’re used to your life going to shit, you just kinda expect it won’t ever turn around. You can’t afford to hope. You know you’re going to be hurt so it’s easier to set yourself up for disappointment than to hope for something that you know, deep down, is a pipe dream,” Sam took a drag on the joint and handed it to Kie. She couldn’t smoke anymore or else she’d end up talking way too much. She was talking too much already. And it was because she felt safe. For the first time in years, Sam really felt safe.

“It’s kinda like a form of self destruction,” said Pope slowly. “Hurt yourself before you get hurt.”

“Yeah, something like that,” said Sam.

“Man, I should write a book on that,” JJ chuckled under his breath. He knew he was making light of the situation, but he couldn’t help himself.

“You and me both,” Sam tucked her knees under her chin.

“Can I ask you a dumb question?” Pope looked over Kie’s head at Sam.

“Sure.”

“What did you wanna be when you grew up? Like when you were little.”

Sam stiffened at first. She wanted to lie and say something cute like a ballerina or a pop star, but she’d done enough lying to last her a lifetime. She was done with that. “I wanted to be a teacher.”

“Really?” Kie leaned forward to look at Sam.

“Yeah, I mean, I know it’s kinda dumb now since I don’t exactly plan on going back to school. I didn’t like most teachers growing up, but I had this great English teacher in the sixth grade and she worked with me a lot. I won the school poetry contest and she let me read my poem out loud on awards night. I thought, for a while there, if I could be like her, I would be able to help a lot of kids.”

“Wow,” Kie breathed. “That’s not dumb at all.”

“That’s really amazing, actually,” said Pope.

“What about you, mortician-boy? Did you always wanna work with dead people?”

“No,” Pope laughed. It felt good to laugh. “I kinda wanted to be a chef.”

“For real?” JJ’s lip’s twitched in amusement. “Like Gordon Ramsay?”

“More like Jaimie Oliver.”

“Jesus,” JJ snickered.

“How about you, JJ? What did you wanna be?” Sam glanced over at the boy.

JJ didn’t answer quickly. He’d hoped they’d forgotten about him. “I dunno, dude… I guess for a while there, I wanted to be a race car driver.”

“I can see that,” said Kie.

Sam handed the girl a beer. “What about you, Kiara?”

“It’s Kie,” she smiled and JJ felt his chest lighten. Kie letting Sam called her by her nick-name was such a good step in the right direction. Kie continued speaking softly. “And I wanted to be a politician.”

“I can see you doing that now,” said Sam earnestly. “The world needs more people like you.”

“You said it,” JJ nodded.

They were quiet for a moment, the ghost of the last remaining puffs of smoke drifting away above them.

Sam finally broke the silence. “Hey look… I’m sorry I never texted you back.”

“Oh,” Pope looked at her in surprise. “It’s okay. I get it.”

“JJ’s right, I should have texted you. That was a dick move on my part. ”

“Not really,” Pope shrugged.

Kie leaned forwards to look at Sam. “You stayed with JJ?”

“Not now, Kie,” JJ muttered.

“Yes now, JJ.”

“She didn’t have anywhere else to go.”

“She could have stayed at the Chateau.”

“Jesus Christ, it took us all day to get it half ways clean today. I wasn’t about to drop her off here last night,” JJ took a deep breath to calm his nerves.

“Whatever,” Kie made to get up.

“Nothing happened!” JJ cried. “I swear, we just fell asleep and that’s it. She needed a place to stay and—“

“She,” Sam stood up between the pair. “Is right here. Now, I’m trying to like you, Kie, I really am. You’re a cool chic, but you’re making it awful hard for me to be your friend. And you,” she turned to face JJ. “I can speak for myself, you know.”

“I got the memo,” JJ muttered under his breath.

“It’s not like it’s a big deal,” Sam turned back to Kie. “Besides, what’s it to you where I crash for a night?”

“Forget I said anything,” said Kie.

“I don’t forget easily, sorry.”

“You know what, if JJ wants to add you to his list of conquests, be my guest!”

“Nothing happened!” JJ tried to interject.

“I say again, why does it matter to you? Aren’t you supposed to be with Pope?” Sam glanced over at Pope, who, up until that moment, hadn’t said a word. Kie ran a hand through her hair in frustration.

“Pope’s not my boyfri—“ she stopped. Pope stared up at her. JJ watched Pope’s expression go from shock to pure and crushing heartbreak, and it about killed him.

“Don’t finish that, Kie,” JJ said in a low voice. “Sam’s right. Who she stays with isn’t your problem. All that matters is that she’s safe and has a place to sleep.”

“Precisely,” Pope stood up. “And I don’t want to put any pressure on you, Kie. If you don’t want to be with me, I get it.”

“It’s not that simple, Pope, I…” Kie blinked rapidly. She didn’t know what to say. Pope was looking at her with all the love in the world and it broke what was left of her heart. She’d hurt him, she knew that, and she hated herself for it.

“It’s cool, Kie,” Pope sighed. “Let me take you home, okay?”

“Okay,” Kie nodded slowly. She looked up at Sam, who was shifting her weight awkwardly. “I’m sorry, Sam.”

“It’s fine.”

“No it’s not fine. I’m sorry I’m being such a bitch.”

“You’re not being a bitch,” Sam took in a shaky breath. “I’m the one who walked into the life y’all got here and fucked everything up.”

“That’s not true,” JJ said quickly.

“Yeah,” Pope looked back at Sam. “What he said.”

“I’m just sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to make you feel unwelcome or unsafe. Pogues stick together,” Kie said firmly.

“I’m not offended, it’s fine,” said Sam.

They were silent for a beat.

“Let’s get you home,” Pope put a hand on Kie’s waist. She instinctively leaned into his comfort and let him walk her to the Twinkie. Once they were out of sight, JJ flopped down on the grass.

“He loves her so fucking much,” he whispered, almost to himself.

“Yeah,” Sam sat down to join him. “And she really doesn’t want to hurt him.”

“Yep.”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what? You didn’t do anything.”

“I’m sorry this is so fucked up for you,” said Sam.

JJ’s shoulders shook as he chuckled under his breath. “You know, part of me thought she was jealous that you stayed with me. Part of me actually _liked_ the fact that she could be jealous. But the way Pope looked at her… how hurt she looked…”

“Yeah, it’s messed up.”

“I’m sorry for you too, by the way,” said JJ. “I didn’t realize how serious Pope was about Kie.”

“That’s why I didn’t want to text him back.”

“You knew how Pope felt about Kie?”

“No, I knew he’d be an idiot to pick me over her,” Sam said all too casually.

“Sam…” JJ propped himself up on his elbows. “I know Kie was a little out of order there before, but you really need to stop comparing yourself to her. It’s not doing you any favours.”

“How can I not?” Sam cried. “She’s gorgeous and perfect and how can I not feel like garbage in comparison?”

“Seriously, Sam?”

“Yeah, seriously! You know what, I meant what I said before. I shouldn’t have walked into your life. Everything I touch turns to shit.”

JJ shuddered. He knew those words all too well, though usually they being yelled at him. He’d never heard someone else say those words about themselves.

“Sam,” JJ leaned forward and put a comforting hand over one of her own. He was relieved when she only flinched slightly, but didn’t pull back. “Sam listen to me. If there’s one thing I’ve learned this summer, it’s that parents suck. It doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor or whatever, parents can still make life a living hell and it’s so fucking hard to not listen to them.”

“This has nothing to do with my parents or lack thereof,” Sam snapped.

“The hell it doesn’t,” JJ entwined his fingers with her own and squeezed. “Kie’ll come around and Pope… he’s just being an idiot right now…but to hell with that right now. Right now, I’m glad you’re here.”

“You tryin’ to sweet talk me or somethin’?”

“I’m being serious, Sam. For once, I’m being serious.”

“Okay,” Sam swallowed hard. “Just for the record, I don’t think Pope’s an idiot. If anything I think he’d be an idiot _not_ to be in love with Kie.”

“He just needs to get to know you.”

“JJ, with all due respect, I don’t really feel like getting to know someone just to have them reject me.”

“Why don’t you just be his friend for now?”

“Oh yeah, great plan. Why didn’t I think of that?” Sam’s expression hardened. She pulled her hand away from JJ’s. “How’s that working for you, by the way? You having a good time just being friends with Kie?”

JJ stood up in frustration. “That’s different and you know it!”

“How so?” Sam stood to join him. “You think you’re the only one who’s ever experienced unrequited love? I’ve only ever experienced that. Try looking like me! I don’t exactly have my pick of dudes. I’ve been alone my whole life for a fucking _reason_ , JJ. Nobody’s ever given me any attention or any consideration and as fucking sad as it sounds, I’m used to it!”

“Jesus, I didn’t realize this was a fucking pity party!”

“Oh get over yourself, JJ!”

“You get over yourself! You walk around all tough and devil may care attitude and you think you're such a sad case, but you know what you are?”

“What’s that? Oh wait—“ Sam raised a hand before JJ could shout his answer. “Am I just a scared little girl? You gonna play that card with me?”

“No,” JJ took a deep, shuddering breath. “I was going to say that you’re a survivor.”

Sam opened and closed her mouth again. “Wh—what?”

“You’re really good at acting tough and you’re way too good at lying. I am too. But I’ve always had the Pogues. They’ve always been my family. But you? You’ve done it and made it alone. Unless you have some secret gang of drug dealer friends back home.”

“Yeah, no,” Sam fiddled with the frayed cuff of her sweatshirt. “My ol’ man never let me have many friends.”

“Well he’s not here now, so you don’t have to put on the act all the time. You can… be you.”

“This is me, JJ,” Sam murmured. “I don’t know who else to be.”

“This is fine,” said JJ. “Just don’t run away from us. Don’t push us away just because we’re trying to get to know you. Look, I’m not into the whole _talk about your feelings_ bullshit either, but I’m starting to figure out that maybe if I did process and talk about stuff, I wouldn’t be a self destructive stick of dynamite.”

Sam looked down at the ground. “You know, you’re not as dumb as you think you are.”

“Thanks for that.”

“But there’s a problem with your plan, oh wise one.”

“Yeah? What’s that?” JJ took an unintentional step closer to Sam.

“Eventually you’ll trust someone enough to tell them why you are the way you are and then they’ll fuck off.”

“How about we cross that bridge when we come to it?”

“I do wanna be your friend, JJ, but—“ Sam stopped mid-sentence. Headlights approached the Chateau. “Cops,” Sam hissed.

“Probably just Shoupe,” JJ grabbed Sam’s arm and pulled her closer to the bushes. It was a police car, but it didn’t look like the one Shoupe normally drove when he was on assignment. Sam’s breaths came in short and fast.

“It’s not Shoupe,” she jerked out of JJ’s grip. “You need to clear out of here.”

“What?”

“Go!” Sam hissed. “Jesus, JJ, do you wanna get yourself killed tonight? Go!”

JJ whipped out his phone and sent a one word text to Shoupe. “I’m not leaving,” he watched a man get out of the cop car. He was in uniform.

“JJ, please,” Sam looked over at him pleadingly as the man drew closer. They were pretty much trapped, with the only way out being jumping into the water.

“Samantha,” the man sing-songed in a way that made JJ’s blood run cold.

“Dad,” Sam stiffened.

“You got my money?”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my loves!! I am BACK and in decent form (lol).   
> I disliked this chapter so much, I actually had to re-write it a good two (okay, more like three) times before I could tolerate it. Anyway, here we are, and I'm so so happy y'all are reading this and getting a kick outta it!   
> Let me know what you think of this chapter!! Your input and support makes me smile from ear to ear.   
> xoxo

JJ had been strong in the face of death more times than he could count. He knew anger and he knew cruelty that so many people twice his age didn’t know. He understood hatred, but yet he’d never seen someone quite as frightening as the man that stood before them at that precise moment. He just hoped he could stall for time until Shoupe came.

“I got your damn money,” Sam looked directly at the man and JJ wondered, in amazement, how she was even able to face him. Luke had been cruel, but Sam’s dad seemed unhinged.

“Give it to me.”

“It’s in the Chateau.”

“The what?” Sam’s dad snapped.

“Over there,” Sam pointed.

“So this is where you’ve been hiding out? Bit of a dump, wouldn’t you say?”

“Watch it, asshole,” JJ took a step forward, but Sam stuck her arm out in front of him.

“Don’t,” she hissed.

“Well isn’t that just sweat. Got yourself a boyfriend did you?” Sam’s dad sneered.

“I’ll get you the money,” Sam hurried towards the chateau. “Just leave us be.”

“You forget that you’re my daughter,” he followed close behind her. “Legally I tell you where to go, not the other way around.”

JJ ran up beside Sam. They entered the chateau with Sam’s dad hot on their heals. Sam rushed forward and dove between the pull out cushions to grab the small duffle bag of bills.

“Here,” she tossed the bag to her dad.

He opened the bag quickly. JJ grabbed Sam’s hand and made to pull her towards the back of the chateau. They could make a run for it through the window of the study. They only got halfway across the room when Sam’s dad cursed and threw a nearby glass. It narrowly missed Sam and hit the wall behind her.

“This isn’t all of it!” He bellowed. “You’ve got some kinda nerve, running out on me and then handing me a bag with a fraction of what’s owed to me in it!”

“It’s my fault!” JJ tried to control his shaking. Sam looked frozen. He wondered if she was just numb to fear.

“Excuse me?”

“JJ, stop,” Sam whispered. She squeezed his hand and glanced over at him. “Don’t make this worse.”

“What did you say, boy?” Sam’s dad strode towards them.

“I said it’s my fault. I stole the money from Barry. I spent it all and that’s all I got back,” said JJ. Sam expression tightened even further as her father walked towards them.

“You think you’re tough, boy?”

“Don’t you dare lay a hand on him. This is all on me, not him. Get outta here while you still can, JJ,” Sam cast JJ a sideways glance and it was the first time he saw a flash of genuine fear in her eyes.

“I’m not going anywhere,” JJ stood his ground. Sam’s dad laughed loudly, the sound practically shaking the walls of the chateau; a place that was rapidly becoming anything but a safe space.

“You little freaks think you can fight me off?” The man shook his head in amusement. He took another step towards the pair and the front door of the chateau burst open.

Shoupe scanned the situation quickly with his gun and hand outstretched.

“Peterson?” Shoupe lowered his gun. “The hell are you doing here?”

“Just dealing with some business, Shoupe. Nothing to worry about.”

“What the hell business does station two have here along the cut?” Shoupe’s grip on his gun didn’t loosen.

“Personal business.”

“Clyde, you know as well as I do that our personal lives shouldn’t ever blur with our professional lives. Especially when it involves my kid.”

“Your kid?”

“Yeah,” Shoupe stood beside JJ. “My kid. And he’s none of your business, last time I checked.”

“He became my business when he about kidnapped my daughter,” Clyde’s eyes narrowed.

“Your d—“ Shoupe looked over at Sam, who looked about ready to pass out. “Sam is your daughter?”

“Haven’t seen her in over twenty four hours. Your kid might have something to do with that.”

“Maybe Sam wouldn’t have run away if you hadn’t sent her to fetch your drug money!” JJ cried.

“Drug money? Oh that’s rich. Is that the lie she told you then? That her horrible father is off dealing drugs on the side?”

“You wouldn’t be the first cop to lie,” JJ spat. He was rapidly running out of fear, and hurdling towards rage.

“JJ, please,” Sam grabbed his arm.

“No!” JJ shook her off. “You’re not leaving with him!”

“He’s my dad, JJ, I legally have to,” Sam tried to sound sure of herself, but she could hardly manage a whisper.

“Shoupe!” JJ looked up at the deputy desperately. “Tell Sam she can stay here. She can stay with us. Her dad’s a fucking psycho! Don’t make her go back to him!”

Shoupe watched JJ practically shake with emotion, watched Sam reach out to JJ like her life depended on it. He looked over at Clyde Peterson, whom he’d worked along side on many an occasion, and watched his face contort with anger. A part of him wanted to trust Clyde because he’d saved him from getting shot once and he was a cop, but another part of him; the part of him that was growing more and more every day, wanted to trust the kids. JJ had seen enough pain and hurt in his young life, he deserved to be trusted.

“Hand her over, Shoupe,” said Clyde slowly.

“Afraid I can’t do that, Peterson.”

“Excuse me? She’s my daughter. I’m her legal guardian.”

“Yes and I’m also a station three deputy and this place is under my derestriction. I’ve seen enough to file a case against you.”

“You don’t know shit and you can’t prove shit!” Clyde yelled.

“Get out, Peterson. I’ll expect to see you reporting to station three bright and early tomorrow morning. For now, the girls’ a suspect, and she’s staying with me.”

“You’ll lose your job over this, mark my words,” Clyde glared at Shoupe. “You forget the connections I have.”

“You’re coming with me.” 

“You’ve got nothing on me, Shoupe. Nothing.”

“You’re coming with me,” Shoupe repeated evenly. Clyde looked back to glare one last time at the two teenagers, before he made a dash out of the chateau. Shoupe was too fast, though, and grabbed Clyde by the arm while he shouted a string of curses. The deputy shoved him out the front door and made quick work of forcing him into the back of his cruiser car. Once he was sure Clyde couldn’t escape, he returned back inside Chateau.

“I’m going to take him down to the station for questioning. I’ll make something stick for tonight at least,” he said, slightly out of breath.

“Nice work, deputy,” JJ shakily smiled up at Shoupe.

“Eh, all in the day’s work, kiddo,” Shoupe pocketed his gun. “You alright?”

“Fine,” JJ replied quickly.

“And you?” Shoupe looked around JJ at Sam. She swayed slightly and her gaze wouldn’t leave the door where her father had been.

“Sam?” JJ said her name softly. “You okay, Sam?”

She didn’t reply. She remained completely still and unmoving, as if paralyzed.

“You’re gonna come back with us, okay Sam?” Shoupe moved to stand in front of her slowly. “Everything’s gonna be okay.” Sam remained unresponsive. Shoupe, in a desperate attempt to bring her back to reality, reached out to put a comforting hand on her shoulder. She recoiled instantly and brought her fist up to meet Shoupe’s shoulder.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” She rushed backwards until her back hit the wall.

“Jesus,” Shoupe grasped his shoulder. “Nice swing you got there, kid.”

“Get away from me.”

“Shhh Sam…” Shoupe kept the space between them. “I’m not going to hurt you, okay?”

“You’re a cop,” Sam’s eyes darted around the room, looking for an exit route. JJ knew the tactic all too well.

“Yeah, but I’m a good one. Or at least, I’m trying to be,” said Shoupe. He knew all she saw was a uniform. A uniform that had probably, up until that moment, only caused her pain. 

“You’re all assholes.”

“The majority of us, yeah. But I promise you, kid, I’m not going to hurt you. If you come back home with us— with me and JJ— you’ll be safe.”

“JJ?” Sam blinked, as if finally seeing clearly.

“Yeah,” JJ took a step towards her slowly. “Yeah, I’m right here.”

“Fuck,” Sam ran her hands over his face and slid down the wall to the floor. “I’m so sorry. I’m so God damn sorry.”

“No, no, no,” JJ crouched in front of her. “You don’t get to be sorry for shit that isn’t your fault, okay?”

“M’still sorry.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Shoupe watched the pair carefully. “I need to take him to the station.”

JJ nodded stiffly. “I got this.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” JJ hovered his hand over Sam’s knee, but only put it down when she looked up at him and then nodded.

“I’ll be back home as soon as I can,” said Shoupe. He ruffled JJ’s hair affectionately and rushed out to the cruiser.

JJ knew as well as any other Pogue from the cut, that going through shit was one thing, but the aftermath and trauma was usually worse. Denial cut deep. He stroked Sam’s knee softly as she shook and took in quivering breaths between strings of _I’m so sorry, fuck I’m so sorry._ JJ knew Sam would be okay in the long run, but he also knew that what he’d seen before between her and her father, was just the tip of the iceberg.

“You’re staying with us, okay? You’re not going back to him,” JJ tried to cut through Sam’s breakdown.

“S—stay here,” Sam whispered, but kept her face hidden in her hands.

“Yeah, I’m staying too. But we need to go back to Shoupe’s. Christ, the Chateau doesn’t even have a lock anymore. It’s not safe.”

“M’kay.”

“Okay,” JJ closed his eyes to collect his thoughts. He doubted Sam really knew what she was agreeing to. JJ knew how she felt; when you’re desperate, you’ll do just about anything anybody asks you to do. JJ tentatively reached for her arms. “Can you walk?”

“Duh,” Sam said and JJ had to chuckle because, of course, even in the middle of what was obviously an anxiety attack, the girl had to prove herself. Sam tried to shrug out of JJ’s supportive hold, but her shaking was too much and she fell back against the wall again.

“Let me help,” JJ tried to hook his arms under hers again.

“I can do it.”

“I’m sure you can,” said JJ. “I’m just asking you to let me help you.”

“I don’t need your he—“ Sam closed her eyes. A wave of dizziness and nashua overcame her. She swallowed the sickness down.

“Sam, please,” JJ gently pulled her towards him so he could support some of her body weight. “We’re just gonna sit you down here, okay?” He maneuvered them over to the pull out and gently sat her down. He didn’t like the fact that she wasn’t reacting emotionally. She was reacting physically. Ever touch and every noise made her flinch, but yet she didn’t shed a tear. “I’ll be right back. Literally one minute. Time me.”

“Okay,” Sam stared ahead blankly.

JJ rushed into the kitchen where he hoped Sam wouldn’t overhear him. He took out his phone and called the first person he could think of, because realistically, he knew Sam was in no condition to ride a dirt bike to Shoupe’s bungalow.

“Pope?” JJ hissed urgently after the boy finally picked up.

“JJ? What the hell?”

“I need you to pick us up at the chateau.”

“Uh—“

“I can’t use my bike. Sam…” JJ tried to find the right words. “She’s in rough shape.”

“Sam?” Pope’s voice had a sudden edge to it. “What happened?”

“Her ol’ man showed up wanting the money.”

“Shit.”

“Right. We need a ride back to Shoupe’s.”

“Okay,” said Pope. JJ could hear him rushing around in all directions.

“Where’s Kie?” JJ asked.

Pope didn’t answer right away. “She’s asleep.”

“At your place?”

“No, I dropped her off at hers.”

“Oh,” JJ ran a hand through his hair. “Can you get here?”

“I’ve left her a note. I’ll be there in five.”

“Okay,” JJ breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks, man.”

“No problem, JJ.”

JJ pocketed his phone and felt his body relax. One thing still remained: no matter what shit was going down, his family would always be there for him.

JJ watched Sam from where he stood in the kitchen. She seemed shaken, but strong. It was also the oddest sensation for him; making friends with someone where there was little to no sexual tension. He was used to flirting and being flirted with. So used to girls being literally all over him. It was oddly refreshing to meet someone who challenged him; who was so like him, but yet so incompatible. Somewhere in the back of his mind he registered that his growing relationship with Sam was the first platonic male-female relationship he’d ever experienced. And it wasn’t because Sam wasn’t good looking, because she was. In her own way. She had striking blue eyes and her continuously mussed honey blonde hair was intriguing as all hell. Sam must have noticed him watching her because she shifted uncomfortably on the pull out.

“Hey,” JJ walked slowly and sat next to her. “You sure you’re doing okay?”

“Peachy keen, jelly bean,” she muttered. “Don’t worry about me.”

“Easy for you to say,” JJ challenged softly. Sam didn’t reply and JJ didn’t continue talking. He knew when to leave well enough alone. In the five minutes that they waited, Sam’s shaking came and went. She lost control over her breathing once and JJ had to remember what Pope had told him about Kie’s anxiety and how to work through it. Sam’s breathing stabilized when JJ heard Pope pull up with the twinkie.

“Ride’s here,” he said softly as to not scare her.

“Ride?” Sam looked up at JJ, but remained expressionless.

“Yeah. I just need you to let me help you again okay?”

Sam didn’t respond, but JJ sighed in relief when she let him help her up so they could walk. They made it half-ways to the Twinkie and then Pope, in all his awkward, best-of-intentions glory, ran up to them.

“You guys okay? What the hell happened? Sam? Are you okay?”

“Pope,” JJ stretched a hand out to stop him from coming any closer. He could feel Sam’s shaking increase. “Not now, okay?”

“Okay,” Pope nodded grimly. He watched JJ help Sam into the back of the Twinkie. He situated her across the back seats and sat near her head. “You guys good?” Pope looked back.

“We’re good,” JJ replied.

Pope checked on them once more and then drove them to the bungalow. The drive was silent other than JJ shushing Sam’s apologies a few times. When they got to the bungalow, JJ handed Pope the keys to the house as he helped Sam out of the twinkie. Sam argued about taking JJ’s bed half heartedly, because it was so like her to put up a fight even when she could hardly walk. She was exhausted. Dimly, she registered Pope and JJ talking outside the bedroom door.

“Can I talk to her?” Pope asked.

“Yeah,” said JJ.

“I’ll make it quick.”

“It’s fine, Pope. She doesn’t not like you.”

“She probably doesn’t want to see me right now.”

“Just… take it slow,” said JJ quietly.

Pope nodded. “Okay,” he walked into JJ’s room and waited for Sam to nod before he came any closer.

“Thanks for the ride,” she smiled weakly.

“Oh, no problem,” Pope smiled back. “You feeling okay?”

“Aces.”

“Cool,” said Pope. “Hey—uh—let me know if you need anything, okay? I’ve got loads of books and stuff you can borrow.”

“Nice.”

“And my dad has a lot of old records you can listen to and stuff.”

“Nice.”

“And I’m sure Kie can bring you whatever food you want from the Wreck and shit, I should shut up, right?” Pope stopped himself as Sam snickered. “What?”  
“I’m good, Pope. Trust me. I don’t need much. I’m kinda a minimalist that way.”

“Oh shit, are you gonna be one of those people who builds their own tiny house? I’ve watched so many of those videos on youtube.”

“Nah, I’d be more likely to just live in a cabin in the woods. You know, go totally off the grid and fuck the world.”

“Yeah,” Pope couldn’t help but smile at the thought. “That doesn’t sound half bad right about now.”

“Thanks though… for the offers.”

“No problem,” said Pope. “I’ll—uh—let you sleep. Mind if I swing by tomorrow morning?”

“Fine by me.”

“Can I text you?”

Sam processed his question carefully. “Only if it’s about the history of surgery or Miles Davis.”

“I have a text book on surgery and I’ve listened to Bitches Brew once,” Pope replied.

“Well then, text away buddy.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stuff gets interesting in this chapter and the next one is gonna be wild.   
> Thank y'all for sticking around and for reading this :)  
> Let me know your thoughts and all that 'cause I just love reading comments !! xoxo

At 7:30am JJ awoke to his cell phone vibrating aggressively.

“If you don’t get that…” Sam grumbled from the bed. JJ had insisted on her taking the bed the night before. It hadn’t been an easy task, but eventually her exhaustion got the better of her stubborn nature and she fell asleep before she could win the argument.

“I’m getting it, I’m getting it,” JJ stretched. It was Shoupe. “Hey,” he answered the call.

“Hey kid. I’m at the station.”

“Okay.”

“Won’t be back for a while,” Shoupe continued, his voice hardly above a whisper. JJ knew it was because he didn’t want Sam overhearing.

“Okay,” JJ replied again.

“I’ve still got Clyde Peterson in for questioning. I’ll be here for a good couple hours doing that. We’re trying to get as much on him as possible. It hasn’t been easy, with him being a cop and everything…”

“Yeah,” JJ tried to keep his voice optimistic. He knew Sam was gauging his every reaction.

“We’ll nail him with something, kid. We just gotta find something that’ll stick. So far everything’s slipping through my fingers. I can keep him in custody till tomorrow, but not much longer than that. I need you to do something for me, JJ.”

“Okay.”

“I need you to try and figure out what happened with Sam. Either you, Pope, Kie, whoever… just one of you try and figure out what Peterson’s been doing to her. Get her to come forward and talk to me. All I need is a couple pictures of bruises or a statement even…”

“I’ll do everything I can,” JJ said confidently. “I get it.”

“I know you do, kiddo.”

“Hey Shoupe?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks,” JJ tried to smile. “I know you’re doing everything you can.”

“We’ll get him, kid. I’m not letting this one go,” said Shoupe. 

“I know.”

“There’s pancake mix out on the counter for y’all. And if you use up all the chocolate chips, so help me God.”

“More batter, less chips, got it.”

“I don’t know when I’ll be home,” said Shoupe and JJ swore he could sense the deputy frown.

“It’s okay, Shoupe. We’ll be okay.”

“I’ll see ya, kid.”

JJ sighed. “See ya.”

Sam turned over and looked down at him. “You don’t have to sugar coat it, bro, I know this dance off by heart.”

“What?”

“The whole _we can’t get the conviction to stick because he’s a cop_ thing,” said Sam.

“Shoupe said he’d try everything,” JJ said as he stood up. He wasn’t about to lie to Sam for the sake of making her feel better. She was smarter than that.

“I know he will,” said Sam. “I just know that he could have all the proof in the world and my dad’ll still walk away a free man. I’m used to how this ends. It always ends the same way, dude, don’t act like you’re not surprised.”

“I know,” JJ ran a hand through his messy bed head. “I just trust Shoupe that he’ll do right by us. That he’ll do right by you.”

“That’s an awful nice sentiment, man, but I don’t believe in fairy tales. Now, are we gonna make some breakfast or what?”

“Pancakes?”

“Absolutely,” Sam grinned. “And how about we be healthy and use blueberries instead of chocolate chips?”

JJ snickered at this as they went into the kitchen. “We could make the pancakes from scratch too and to hell with the mix.”

“That’s asking a bit much of your culinary skills.”

“Ouch,” JJ gasped dramatically. “I’ll have you know, my scrambled eggs are second to none.”

“Cute,” Sam rolled her eyes. “How about I show you how to whip up a good vegan pancake batter.”

“Vegan?”

“Yeah, vegan. It’s good for you and good for the environment.”

“Uh-huh.”

“And you can surprise Kie with it one day and she’ll be like, _oh JJ,”_ Sam tossed her hair over her shoulder mockingly. “I _love_ it when you cook _vegan_ for me.”

JJ tried to hide his obvious blush and laughed out loud. “Eh, how hard can it be?”

“That’s what she said.”

“Oh my God,” JJ barked with laughter and almost dropped his coffee mug. “Seriously?”

Sam smirked in amusement. “Never gets old,” she took out a mixing bowl.JJ hadn’t even known Shoupe owned any kind of cooking supplies so he watched in fascination as Sam found a wooden spoon, a whisk (which was still in it’s packaging) and measuring spoons. The batter was, as Sam had assured him, very easy to make.

While Sam and JJ fried pancakes, Pope grazed his over the send button on his phone. He wanted to text Sam so badly. A part of him felt guilty (he usually texted Kie first thing) but life had become so complicated and frankly, he didn’t want to waste energy on feeling bad about doing something good. Besides, he was just checking on her, right? It wasn’t like he was putting the moves on her. (Not that he had moves per say.) So, after far too much over-thinking, he reasoned that something simple would suffice.

At 8:45am he sent: _Hey! You doing okay?_

And at 8:50am he received: _Heya. Yeah, I’m cool. What’s up?_

So, after waiting a reasonable amount of time, he texted back: _Not too much. Just finished helping my dad with the morning deliveries. What are you up to?_

He waited until 9:15am until he got an answer: _Not too much. JJ’s got a surfing lesson. Wanna hang out?_

Pope swallowed hard. Yeah, he wanted to hang out. He really wanted to hang out. Because, in his mind, she was smart and strong and undeniably cool. He’d dropped Kie off at the Wreck for her morning shift so he was technically free. The problem was the fact that he didn’t know if he was wanting to hang out with Sam because he wanted to make friends or because he was interested in her. In the end, he decided that hanging out with someone, even if a tiny part of him was harbouring a little crush, didn’t mean anything.

He soon found himself standing in front of Shoupe’s front door. He heard music from inside so he assumed JJ was still home, but when he opened the door, he saw Sam standing in the middle of the living room with her back facing him. She was singing along, clearly unaware of anyone else present, and even though Pope knew he was invading her private moment, he couldn’t help but stand and listen. She was good. No, not good; _really_ good. When the music stopped and Sam turned around to reach for her glass of water, she froze.

“Sorry!” Pope backed up quickly. “I’ll just…go.”

Sam blinked. “Do you normally sneak up on people or is this just a new thing you’re trying with me?”

“I’m sneaky. Like, really sneaky. Super sneaky, actually, but not in a stalker way or anything. Just, like, in a—shit,” Pope stopped himself from rambling. God, he had no game.

“Tell me something about decomposition rates.”

“What?”

“Before this gets even more awkward, I’m handing you a way to save the situation.”

“By talking about decomposition rates?” Pope still had one foot out the door.

“By making you stop freaking out. I’m freaked out enough as it is,” said Sam.

Pope took a small step back into the house. “It takes at least twenty four hours for internal organs to start decomposing after a person has died.”

“That’s a fun fact.”

“And did you know, a corpse actually changes colour from green to red after eight days? It’s because the blood is decomposing.”

“No, I did not know that,” Sam felt herself relax. “I did know that a peat bog can naturally mummify a corpse?”

“Bog bodies!” Pope almost jumped with excitement. “Oh man, I’ve read so much about that. Koelbjerg Man was found in Denmark and he died in, like, 8000 BC. Almost perfect preserved. It’s wild.”

“So’s the fact that victorian grave robbers used to take bodies from graveyards and deliver them to surgeons to practice procedures on.”

“Wild,” Pope breathed.

“Yeah,” Sam shifted her weight. “Wild.”

Pope looked around the room as if it would help him figure out what to say next. “So—uh—Shoupe’s not back yet, huh?”

“He’s questioning my ol’ man.”

“Right, yeah, I heard about that,” Pope scratched his neck. “You’re okay though, right?”

“I’m cool. No worries,” said Sam. “You wanna head out or just stick around here?”

“I’m fine with whatever.”

“Cool.”

“You’re really good, by the way,” Pope felt his face heat up.

Sam tiled her head. “Huh?”

“At singing.”

“Shit,” Sam waved off Pope’s compliment. “I haven’t been able to practice or anything in months so it’s sketchy to say the least.”

“Hardly,” said Pope.

Sam fiddled with the draw strings on the hoodie she was wearing. It looked like one JJ used to wear. Pope tried to not read too much into it. “Well, thanks,” Sam mumbled.

“No problem,” Pope shifted towards her. “I’m really sorry about what happened with your dad, by the way. I know you’re probably not one for sympathy, but…”

“It’s cool,” Sam shrugged and sat down on the couch.

“It’s not, actually,” Pope joined her, but kept his distance. “You shouldn’t have to live with that.” 

“Lots of people gotta do things they don’t wanna do and lots of people see things they shouldn’t see.”

“That’s true, but still. You know you can lean on us, right? We’ll help you figure out a way out of this,” said Pope.

Sam nodded. She didn’t reply right away. She looked straight ahead, as if far away in thought, and took a deep breath. “My ol’ man wasn’t always like this,” she muttered. “My mom…she had cancer. We were a family. We couldn’t afford the medical bills and they kept piling up and eventually…”

“Shit,” Pope didn’t know what to do with his hands. He wanted to hold her hand, comfort her in some way, but he didn’t know how to go about it. JJ made it look so easy. He knew how to read her cues and how to help her without making her feel suffocated. Pope felt useless. “I’m really sorry.”

“I just don’t want ya’ll to think I’m some kinda sucker, ya know? I wouldn’t keep forgiving and going back to someone if I didn’t think there was a chance they’d change back to the person they were before. ‘Cause before my mom died, my dad was pretty okay. Sure, he was a drill sergeant and had a short fuse, but he tried to be there for us. The only reason he got into the drug smuggling was so that he could afford my mom’s chemotherapy treatments.”

“Jesus,” Pope looked down at his hands. “You know that doesn’t excuse anything, though, right? I mean, Luke’s wife cheated on him and left him, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that he beat JJ within an inch of his life every chance he could get.”

“Luke did that to JJ?”

“He didn’t tell you?”

“No,” Sam paused. “But I figured as much.”

“Right,” Pope shook his head when Sam offered him a smoke.

“So…” she took a long drag on her smoke. “You wanna catch a few waves or something?”

“Sure I—“ Pope stopped as his phone vibrated. He checked it hesitantly. “Shit,” he muttered. “It’s Kie.”

Sam tensed ever so slightly, but then mentally slapped herself. She had no reason to be jealous or upset. Pope was Kie’s boyfriend. Or at least, that’s the impression she got from Pope. “You don’t have to bum around here, dude. Go to her.”

“It’s just…” Pope tried to find the right words. “After everything… it’s probably nothing, but I just wanna make sure and—“

“It’s fine,” Sam interrupted quickly.

“I can come over after?”

“I’m a big girl, Pope. I don’t need a babysitter.”

“Yeah, I know that. I just meant, we can hangout later tonight if you want. Or maybe they’ll be something going on at the boneyard.”

“Maybe,” Sam mumbled.

Pope got up and pocketed his phone again. “Hey Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m glad you’re here.”

Sam kept looking straight ahead as Pope left. “Cool.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy shit, an update??  
> So sorry for the delay, y'all! I just really wanted to make sure this chapter came out right and I'm really still not sure about it.   
> I wouldn't say there's anything worthy of a trigger warning in here, but I do caution you to read when an open mind. I'm sure some of y'all might not love the direction this chapter takes, but trust me that it isn't the end result and it's all part of the story. I am still a die hard JJ/Kie fan, but trust me on this one.   
> Anyway, please let me know what you think! Your feedback gives me wings!! xoxo

JJ knew full well he shouldn’t have gone to see Kie after his surfing lesson. The lesson was terrible— his focus was off and his mind was preoccupied— so he ended up in front of the wreck, close to the beach, where he knew Kie spent her lunch break.

“Hey,” he walked up to where she was making a new bracelet.

“Hey.”

“Can we talk?”

Kie looked up from her bracelet. “Sure.”

“Who’s that for?” JJ sat down.

“Sam.”

“Oh,” JJ didn’t mean to sound surprised. “I mean, cool. That’s awesome.”

“I don’t know why I’ve been such a bitch to her. She never did anything to me and it’s stupid of me to get defensive and weird around her,” said Kie softly.

JJ held the other end of the bracelet for her. “It’s not stupid. You’re just used to being the only girl.”

“Kinda, yeah.”

“Don’t over-think it,” JJ paused to watch her work for a moment. “How’re things with Pope?”

Kie looked up slowly. “I don’t know, JJ.”

“Do you like him?”

“Of course I like him,” Kie dropped the bracelet in frustration. “I just don’t know if I like him the way he likes me. I don’t want to hurt him, JJ. He’s my best friend and I don’t want to fuck anything up anymore. Everything’s already so fucked up…”

“I know,” JJ didn’t know what else to say. Yeah, it was fucked up.

“I can’t break his heart, JJ. I can’t do it.”

“Stringing him along while you try and figure out your feels isn’t exactly great either though.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Kie couldn’t help but raise her voice.

“You know what? I’m sorry I mentioned it. What you do with Pope isn’t my business. I actually came here to talk about Sam.”

“You putting the moves on her?” Kie knew she shouldn’t have said that, but sometimes her confusion got in the way of her logic.

JJ let out a dramatic sigh. “How many times do I have to explain this? I am _not_ macking on Sam. She’s super awesome, but she’s my _friend_. That’s it. Unlike you, I can tell the difference between my feelings for a friend and my feelings for someone who’s more than a friend.”

Kie opened and closed her mouth. “Fuck you, JJ.”

“Jesus Christ, Kie, you’re always the one going on about how we need to talk through our feels! Well here they are! This is how I feel. I’m fucking pissed, okay? When you’re upset, you turn to Pope. Every night, you’re going off with Pope. We kiss, and then just when I think there might be something between us, you go running back to Pope because what? Is it easier to lie about being in love with him than it is to legitimately be with me?”

“Leave me alone.”

“No, Kie. You’re running away from a conversation that you don’t wanna have. That’s the kind of dumb shit I do.”

“I wish things could just go back to the way they were before with John B and Sarah and we were all friends and…” Kie felt for her phone in her pocket.

“Yeah well, me too, but newsflash: this shit storm right now? This is our life.”

“I should never has kissed him,” Kie’s voice was hardly above a whisper.

JJ felt himself shiver. “Yeah, and I should never have given the phantom to John B. And I should have never taken the money from Barry. I’m afraid I’ve still got you beat, Kie.”

She almost laughed, but she couldn’t. Her half laugh came out as a kind of gasp. “I can’t hurt him.”

“You’re gonna hurt him either way.”

“Jesus Christ, JJ!”

“What?” JJ raised up his hands. “Sorry, but that’s the truth.”

“Can’t you leave me alone?”

“We haven’t even come close to taking this out. Plus, I still got shit with Sam and—oh fine, sure, reach for your phone!” JJ watched her take out her phone and clenched his jaw.

“Give me a break, JJ.”

“Gonna text Pope? See if he can pick you up?”

“Fuck. You. JJ.”

“You know what? Fuck this,” JJ stood up quickly. “I’m done with this shit.”

“You don’t understand,” Kie’s finger hovered over the call button.

JJ didn’t look at her. “You think I don’t understand what it’s like to have feelings for someone I’m scared of hurting? Yeah, I have no idea what that’s like.” He didn’t wait for Kie to respond. He walked away, eyes burning, knowing full well who Kie was turning to. “We’re gonna meet at the boneyard tonight for a party!” He called over his shoulder. “Plan is to get Sam drunk enough that she tell us something. Something Shoupe can use against her dad.”

“I’ll be there,” Kie replied weakly. When JJ heard Pope’s voice over Kie’s phone, his shoulders tensed, and he made his was back to the bungalow as fast as he could.

***

A party was, in theory, a great way to loosen up. A beer always helps to lesson the tension. John B had always said that and JJ was more than inclined to agree. He tried to stay away from hard alcohol (whiskey, in particular, reminded him too much of Luke) but a couple beers never hurt anyone. At least, that’s what he had thought before that night. He’d drank at least four beers, though it could have been more, (it wasn’t like the was counting) and was watching Kie laugh at something Pope had said. Kie had always been a flirtatious drunk and usually it played in his favour, because he sure as hell was too. But this time she was flirting with Pope and while it had never really bothered him before and Lord knows, he macked on his fair share of girls, it sure bothered him that night. It made his feelings— the feelings Kie had made so much about— seem inconsequential. Obviously his feelings didn’t matter if she was able to brush them aside so carelessly. JJ knew it wasn’t that simple. It never was. But it didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Even though JJ knew Kie was sensitive in her nature and that fact played into why she couldn’t break Pope’s heart, but that knowledge didn’t stop him from being angry. Because didn’t his feelings matter?

“Penny for your thoughts?” Sam appeared by his side.

JJ shrugged and tried to look unaffected. “Nothin’,” he mumbled. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Right so last time I checked, parties are for having fun and, just saying, you look like you’re having a real blast.”

“I supposed you’re having a ball then?”

“Something like that.”

“Shit,” JJ downed the last of his beer. “Want another beer?”

“I know why y’all planned this, JJ. I’m not an idiot.”

“Figures,” said JJ.

Sam pinched the bridge of her nose. “It’s gonna take more than a couple of beers to get me to talk.”

“It’s for your own good,” JJ tried.

“And when you were livin’ with Luke and he beat the hell out of you every other night, did you go to the police or the guidance councillor? Yeah, I didn’t think so. You know the dance, JJ, and I know the God damn steps off by heart.”

“Aren’t you just smart.”

“I try. If you actually went to school, you’d be too.”

JJ opened his mouth to fire back, but a familiar head of bushy hair stopped him.

“Hey you guys,” Kie made her way over to them as Pope fetched her a drink. “How’s is hangin’?”

“Pretty swell,” Sam gave her a thumbs up.

“Swell?” JJ quirked an eyebrow at her word choice. “What is this, Leave it to Beaver?”

“Shut it,” Sam eyed Kie’s empty hand. “So where’s your drink?”

“Pope’s getting me one.”

“Right,” JJ forced himself to look over Kie’s head. Eye contact would only make matters worse.

“I got a few people to sign the turtle petition.”

“Nice,” Sam forced a smile. Kie looked over her shoulder and saw Pope returning.

“Better run,” she turned her back. “Thanks Sam.”

“Yeah no problem,” Sam lit herself a cigarette.

“You signed?” JJ looked at her in slight disbelief.

“So what if I did? If I have to hear about those mother-fucking things one more time, I’m gonna lose my shit.”

“I thought you liked the turtles,” JJ smirked.

“Sure I do,” Sam grinned back at him. “I signed, didn’t I?”

“Somehow I don’t think that’s all you did.”

“Right the first time,” said Sam. “I actually signed five times without her knowing. Five different names.”

JJ’s eyes widened as he laughed out loud. “Fucking seriously?”

“Completely. Dude, I have a shit ton ID cards and stuff I’ve swiped off of people. Some guy named Kenneth Jones from Kentucky just signed a petition to save the turtles. Somehow I don’t think he’ll mind.”

“That’s—“ JJ barked with laughter. “Amazing!”

“So,” Sam tuned to face him. “You’re pretty much head of heels for her, then, huh?”

JJ took a moment. He couldn’t lie. Sure, he was good at it, but Sam would see right through it. “I’m pretty sure, yeah.”

“Shitty deal.”

“Yeah.”

“You’re totally a catch.”

“You’re just saying that,” JJ chuckled. Sure, he was always slightly cocky about his appearance, but a catch? That was stretching it a bit far.

“No, I’m not. You’re real good looking, talented, loyal as fuck, and you give a shit.”

“Well…thanks,” JJ looked down at the sand. “I miss him, you know.”

“Your buddy?”

“Yeah,” JJ fidgeted. “He was like the brother I never had.”

“From everything I’ve heard, he sounds like a real swell guy.”

“Sounds?”

“Yeah,” Sam took a long drag on her smoke. “Sounds.”

JJ nodded his thanks when Sam handed him her smoke to share. “You believe he’s still alive? Him and Sarah?”

“For sure. The dude’s got nine lives.”

“Something like that,” JJ smiled. “So what about you?”

“What about me?”

“Don’t you got some old flame? The one that got away?”

Sam chuckled under her breath. “Yeah, sure.”

“I’m serious,” said JJ. “I mean, we don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want to.”

“No, no, it’s cool. I just think it’s comical that you think I have a romantic past.”

“Why shouldn’t you?”

“Well, for starters, I’m not exactly the kind of girl guys want to date.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” JJ watched Sam carefully.

She tossed her head back with a hallow laugh. “I don’t know if you’ve seen me before, JJ, but I’m not exactly an instagram model.”

“So?”

“So…” Sam took the cigarette back from JJ. “Most guys I know want that kind of girl. Not my kind.”

“That’s a load of bullshit.”

“Yeah well, tell that to my old flame. I did like a guy once. A lot, actually, and you know what he said? I asked him if we could go to the school dance together and he said, and I quote, as friends sure, but you’d have to lose some weight before I’d take you as my date,” Sam recalled the memory with bitter clarity. “He’d been a good friend too.” 

JJ clenched and unclenched his fists. “Some friend.”

“He was being honest.”

“Doesn’t make him any less of an asshole for saying that.”

“You can’t help who you’re attracted to and let’s face it, most dudes do not find me attractive.”

“Well then, most dudes are assholes.”

“Absolutely,” Sam smirked at JJ. “Glad you’re catching on.”

“I try,” JJ took the cigarette back again and had one last drag. “Just for the record, I’d never say something like that. Even as a joke. Sure, not gonna lie, I like my insta models too, but I’d _never_ do something like that to you. And neither would Pope.”

“But he loves Kie.”

“They’ve got a history.”

“True,” Sam nodded weakly. “You didn’t have to say that just to make me feel better.”

“I’m not and I didn’t,” said JJ. “What your friend said, even if it was how he truly felt, it’s not okay and it’s bullshit. There’s literally nothing wrong with how you look and who you are. Maybe it’s just a matter of aesthetic.”

“Aesthetic?”

“Yeah, like, Kie’s more soft and effortless and hot and you’re more cool and smart and tempting.”

“Fuck—“ Sam laughed. “ _Tempting?”_

“Yeah, like, dangerous.”

“Stop it, you’re killing me,” Sam wheezed. She was so preoccupied with laughing and JJ’s words that she didn’t feel him turn her to face him.

“You know, I don’t do a lot of things right in my life,” he said was an odd sense of softness.

“Same.”

“By all accounts, I’m pretty much a fuck up.”

“Shut up,” Sam frowned.

“But I’m gonna set the record straight right here and now. I wanna say the right thing and do one thing right. You,” he swallowed hard. “Are not undesirable or unattractive or anything you might think you are. I don’t know what the fuck your ol’ man has done to you, and I wish to God you’d tell me so I can’t help you, but if you won’t let me do that, then at least let me convince you that you’re an awesome chic, okay? Pope’s an idiot for not looking your way. And that friend of yours? Sorry, but he sounds like a total asshole.”

“Yeah,” Sam sighed shakily.

They stared at each other for a beat, as if scared to shatter the moment.

“Sam, I—“ JJ reached his hand out slowly to grasp her own, but stopped half way. “You’re not undesirable. I promise you that.”

Sam didn’t reply. She simply stared at his hand that was frozen in place between them. It was at that point that JJ noticed her shoulders shaking slightly. Her head was bowed, so he couldn’t be sure, but it looked for all the world like she was crying.

“Sam…”

“No, don’t!” Sam brushed away her tears angrily. “God damn it, what’s _wrong_ with me? I don’t cry over guys. I don’t give a shit about them. I never have before. Only a stupid girl would get worked up over a guy she’s known for all of a week. When did I become a stupid fucking boy-crazy chic that—“

“Sam,” JJ pulled her back by the arm before she could run away. He didn’t miss the flinch. “Sam, please. You’re not an idiot for liking someone!”

“Sure I am!” Sam tried to hold back a second onslaught of tears. “I’m an idiot to think someone smart and handsome like Pope could possibly look twice at me. I’m not even close to being in his league!”

“Stop it,” JJ tried to wipe a few of Sam’s tears away, but she swiped at them herself.

“God, I’m such an _idiot,_ ” she took a deep breath. 

“Pope’s just hung up on Kie, that’s all. Maybe he’ll get over her and see you for who you really are. Maybe he’ll see you how I see you,” JJ said softly. 

“How you see me?” Sam looked up at JJ and he looked down at her and even though he knew it was a horrible idea and he knew it wasn’t right, he allowed himself to forget. He just wanted to forget. He wanted to forget that Wade Cameron was still out there and the fact that a murderer was his real father. He wanted to forget the father he’d lived with for sixteen years who beat him senseless on a weekly basis. JJ wanted to forget the fact that his best friend was lost at sea. That Kie still felt too guilty about Pope to commit to him. He wanted to forget the fact that Sam’s dad would be released soon and she’d have to leave and then he’d be one friend less. He wanted to forget how much it hurt him to see Sam cry over Pope. JJ wanted to forget everything and in that moment he knew Sam felt the same way. They’d managed to migrate over to the beach where nobody else was during their conversation. He looked into her eyes and tilted his head, as if giving her a last out, but she nodded stiffly and JJ, knowing full well it would result in an avalanche of repercussions, kissed her.

At first he thought it would be horrible and that the guilt of it not being Kie would drive him to hate himself even more than he already did and stop, but it wasn’t any of that. Kissing Sam wasn’t exactly incredible; it wasn’t sunshine and dreams like kissing Kie had been, but it wasn’t horrible either. It wasn’t bad at all. In fact, it felt pretty damn good. And in a way, it made sense. Maybe they were just two broken people who found each other and were okay with using each other to feel better. Neither of them wanted to pursue anything, but yet they wanted to feel good and feel wanted. Kissing Sam made him feel like he was at least making one person feel better about themselves.

There was something exciting about kissing Sam and it scared JJ a little bit. It scared him because it should have all felt wrong, but it didn’t, because she was all forbidden energy and adventure. It was the childish rebel in him that thrived off of kissing someone he shouldn’t. And they weren’t even making out; for all the pent of frustration and angst coursing through their system, the kisses were soft. Tame, even. Almost like a comfort. JJ put a hand on Sam’s back to pull her in closer, but the move seemed to break the spell. Sam made a kind of noise like a sigh caught in the back of her throat, and it was as if the noise brought her back to reality.

“Sam…?” JJ pulled back abruptly as he felt her stiffen.

“Don’t tell me that was a pity kiss.”

“Sam, I—“

“God damn it, JJ!”

“I don’t know what that was!” JJ cried. “Shit… fuck…”

Sam watched him pace. “We can just forget this ever happened. I can just disappear and never come back no problem. Actually, that would probably be for the best at this—“ Sam’s last word was swallowed by a gesture that shocked her more than the kiss. JJ wrapped his arms around her and hugged her.

“Don’t you dare fucking go. Everybody fucking leaves me, Sam. Let’s just put this behind us and forget it ever happened, okay?”

“Okay,” Sam patted JJ’s back awkwardly. He felt her body refuse to relax and pulled back.

“Sorry,” he whispered.

“It’s cool,” Sam shrugged.

“You’re amazing. You know that, right?”

“Whatever,” Sam brushed the compliment aside. “Look, let’s just forget about this, okay? You’re in love with Kie and I’m the idiot pining after Pope.”

“You’re not an idiot.”

“You get what I mean,” said Sam.

“Yeah,” JJ ran a hand through his windswept hair. “I get it.”

“So we’re good?”

“We’re good,” JJ said back quietly. But he’d forgotten one very important thing. Despite the fact that they’d both agreed on being good, he’d neglected to remember that they were both incredibly good at lying to each other and to themselves.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been a while, folks, and for that I am real sorry!!   
> It's been a nasty month for me mental health wise, and I've been trying to split myself into thousand directions.   
> Anyway, I managed to get this section done and I'm pretty pumped with how it turned out. It's a big turning point in the story and I hope y'all like it.   
> Just a trigger warning, there is a mention of sexual abusive (though it's nothing descriptive) just mind your triggers and all that <3

The fact that nobody had seen them only made it worse. Part of JJ wanted Pope or Kie or _someone_ to tell him he fucked up so he wouldn’t be tempted to do it again. But just getting away with it? It kind of made him feel like it wasn’t all that bad. It wasn’t like kissing Sam felt bad. It had been like going on a wild adventure that he knew would end in disaster, but the adrenalin rush made it worth it.

“Shoupe home?” Sam whispered. They walked up the porch steps as quietly as they could. JJ was about to answer with a quiet yes when—

“Do you not understand what curfew is or are you just purposely giving me more grey hairs?” Shoupe pulled the door open and glared down at the two teens.

“We’re sorry,” JJ stared at his boot-clad feet. “I’m sorry.”

“I’ve been losing my mind trying to figure out where ya’ll could be. Calling folks, asking around, making a damn fool out of myself! Dumb ol’ Shoupe can’t even control one kid. How do you think that made me look, huh?”

“Look, I’m sorry!” JJ raised his voice, but stopped short of shouting when he noticed Sam recoiling beside him.

“Oh, you’re sorry huh? You’re sorry I’ve been up half the night and waking up the entire island trying to find you?”

“I said I’m sorry. What else do you want me to say?”

“Tell me the truth! Tell me why the both of you have been out partying and doing _god knows what_ when her ol’ man’s got maybe another forty eight hours in custody! What could have possibly been so important that you kids completely disregard the rules and make like it’s the wild west and—“

“Shoupe!” JJ hissed and tried to glance over at Sam in what he hoped was a comforting way.

“You’re not getting away with this, mister! We’ve got some serious talking to do before I forget this stunt!” Shoupe continued shouting.

“Stop it.”

“What?”

“Stop yelling,” JJ kept his voice as even as he could. If he yelled, he knew Sam would bolt.

“Oh I’m sorry, did you think you were just going to waltz on in here, just as fine as you please? That’s not how it works, JJ! Your actions have consequences!”

“I get it! Just stop fucking yelling! Can’t you see you’re upsetting Sam? And—fuck— I’m sorry, okay? Just—“

Sam took a step away from the door. JJ, not thinking clearly, grabbed hold of her arm to tug her back. Sam froze, her eyes wild. “Don’t touch me,” she snatched her arm back.

“Shit,” JJ held up both of his hands. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

“Easy, kid,” said Shoupe. He took a deep breath and gazed down at a shaking Sam.

“Don’t fucking touch me.”

“We’re not gonna hurt you, kid,” Shoupe said, his voice low, almost to a whisper.

JJ tried to make eye contact with her, but Sam kept her head bowed. “Hey, Sam? Look at me. I’m sorry about all this, okay? I’m sorry about how tonight ended.”

Sam didn’t respond. She merely stood, shaking, with her head bowed.

“Why don’t you come inside, kiddo?” Shoupe took a slow step towards Sam, but she recoiled in response.

“Shhh,” JJ tried to comfort her, like John B had when he’d come to Chateau all traumatized and banged up. “Shhh, hey, you’re safe, okay? Tell me what you need.”

JJ could tell Sam wanted to speak. She kept taking in a breath, only to hold onto it and release again.

“Do you want me to call someone for you?” Shoupe asked.

“K—Kie,” Sam stuttered. JJ hated how weak she sounded. He knew she hated it too.

“You wanna talk to Kie?” JJ took out his phone.

“Here.”

“What?” Shoupe raised an eyebrow.

“Oh!” JJ found Kie’s contact quickly. “You want me to get Kie to come over?”

“Please,” Sam whispered.

“For sure,” JJ replied. “Gimmie one second here.” He left Shoupe and Sam for a moment and went a few feet away where he wouldn’t be overheard. He waited for Kie to answer as he paced around the lawn.

“JJ?” Kie answered, her voice rough from booze and sleep.

“Hey Kie.”

“What’s going on? Are you okay?”

“I’m good,” JJ tucked away the fact that Kie had been concerned for him and continued. “Sam isn’t, though.”

“What’s up with her?”

“Shoupe and I… we got into an arguement. He started yelling and Sam freaked and now she won’t talk to us and I touched her arm and she won’t even _look_ at me now and she’s asking for you and—“

“Wow, JJ…” Kie stopped his rambling. “I’ll be right there.”

“Really?”

“Really. Ten minutes, tops. I need to find pants.”

“Oh.”

“I was in the tub.”

“Oh.”

“Alone,” Kie sighed. “Pope went home after the party.”

“I don’t care about that,” said JJ. “I just need help with Sam.”

“I’ll be right there, okay?”

JJ looked back up at Shoupe and nodded. “Okay.”

***

Sam didn’t calm until Kie put a comforting hand on her shoulder and led her over to Shoupe’s sofa.

“You’re safe,” Kie said softly. Neither Shoupe nor JJ came close. They hovered within earshot and casted nervous glanced between each other and the two girls. JJ overheard Kie muttering soft words of comfort to Sam and she wrapped an arm around her shoulders and rocked her back and forth gently.

Shoupe glanced at JJ. “Can I talk to ya for a second, kid?”

“Yeah,” JJ whispered.

“Don’t worry, she’ll be okay. I’ll make sure Kie stays with her.”

“Thanks,” JJ followed Shoupe into his room. JJ instantly slumped down onto the bed, knocking a few books down as he did so.

“What did you mean when you said you were sorry to Sam?” Shoupe put JJ’s books back on the shelf and sat down on the floor.

“Huh?”

“You said you were sorry about how the night ended.”

“Oh.”

“So? What was that all about? You get into a fight again?” Shoupe took one look at JJ’s sharp glance and realized his mistake. “I’m not accusing you of anything, kid. If you don’t want to tell me, you don’t have to.”

JJ’s expression softened. “I’d…like to.”

“Like to what?”

“Tell you.”

“Oh,” Shoupe shifted on the floor and muttered about his hips.

JJ snickered. “I’m just no good at stuff like this.”

“Talking?”

“Yeah,” said JJ. “I”m good at joking and shit, but I can’t talk about anything that actually matters.”

“You and me both, kid.”

“Oh great, so we could just sit here awkwardly and perpetuate toxic masculinity forever?”

Shoupe chuckled and ran a hand over his face. “Oh for sure.”

JJ shifted onto his side. “I kissed her.”

“Kie?”

“No,” JJ swallowed hard. “Sam.”

“Oh…” Shoupe turned to face JJ. “ _Oh.”_

“Oh is right.”

“Well that complicates things,” said Shoupe. “Do you like Sam?”

JJ thought about it for a moment. “I’m not sure.”

“Do you still like Kie?”

“Oh yeah.”

“But it’s not the same with Sam,” Shoupe stated it like it was a fact.

JJ nodded. “Exactly. I’m not saying kissing Sam was awful or a mistake. She’s awesome. She’s super cool and tough, but it wasn’t right.”

“Have y’all talked about it?”

“Not really,” said JJ. “I mean, we said we’d make like it never happened and move on.”

“Okay,” Shoupe paused. “How does Sam feel about the whole thing?”

“Sam likes Pope.”

“Pope?”

“Yeah,” JJ sighed. “But he’s still in love with Kie so…”

“So you guys are just kinda comforting each other, huh?” Shoupe finished JJ’s thought.

JJ nodded weakly. “Something like that. Is that bad?”

“I dunno, kid,” Shoupe shrugged. “It’s not great, that’s for sure.”

“I know.”

“Just be careful,” said Shoupe.

“It’s not gonna happen again.”

“Oh sure, because two hurt teenagers have never repeated the same mistake twice.”

JJ rolled his eyes. “Point taken.”

“Look, what I’m trying to say is, be careful with how far this goes.”

“I know.”

Shoupe watched JJ’s nervously fiddle with the blankets. “She’ll be okay, JJ.”

“She can’t go back to him,” JJ said fiercely.

“I’ll do everything in my power to make sure she’s taken care of.”

“She can’t go back to him.”

“I know, kid. But if she doesn’t give me anything that I can use against him…”

“Fuck,” JJ stared up at the ceiling.

“You said it,” said Shoupe.

There was a soft knock on the door.

“It’s me,” Kie’s voice drifted their way.

“I’ll let you guys talk this thing out,” Shoupe got up and opened the door. “Door stays open.”

“Jesus,” JJ grimaced.

“No sex on the bed.”

“Holy shit, Deputy,” JJ threw a sock at Shoupe. Shoupe chuckled and left the door open a crack.

“How’s she doing?” JJ looked up at Kie.

“She’s sleeping,” Kie dropped down beside JJ. “We should call Pope and give him an update.”

“Why don’t you do that?”

“Why me?”

“You’re his girlfriend, right?” JJ continued to stare up at the ceiling. Kie didn’t answer. “I don’t get it,” he mumbled. “One second Sam’s doing better and I’m her friend and then it’s like, boom, out the window and she’s freaked out again.”

“Has she told you she has nightmares?” Kie asked.

“No,” said JJ. “I know she has them, but she won’t talk about it. I tried to put an arm around her last night and she lost her shit. Told me to fuck off and leave her alone. She wouldn’t let Shoupe near her either.”

Kie digested this. “That’s because you’re a guy.”

“A guy? What’s that got to do with anything? I’m her _friend,_ Kie, there’s nothing between us. I’m not coming onto her or anything. She knows I’m not into her like that and she’s not into me either so I don’t know what her deal is.”

“Her _deal_ ,” Kie sighed. “Is that you’re a man. She’s the same way around Pope too. I’m surprised you didn’t notice it. I noticed right away.”

“Notice what?”

“The flinching. The recoiling. The anxiety attacks whenever her dad’s around or mentioned.”

“Sure, I noticed that,” said JJ. “I did the same shit after my ol’ man… you know.”

“I know,” Kie murmured. “But I think it’s different for Sam.”

“Different, how?”

“Different, like, I don’t think her dad just beat her. I think there’s more to it. I kinda figured it out when she let me hug her. She didn’t flinch once.”

“You saying she’s gay? I can totally see that.”

“She’s not gay, JJ,” Kie paused to figure out the best way of phrasing her fears. “At least, I don’t think so. I think her dad sexually abused her. Or at least someone did. Someone who—“

“Wait, wait, wait, back up,” JJ stopped Kie’s explanation. “You’re talking…”

“Sexual assault charges. She could press sexual assault charges against her dad.”

“Holy shit,” JJ ran a hand through his hair. “Jesus, fuck, it all makes sense. Why the hell didn’t I see that?”

“Because you’re not a girl, JJ.”

“Still! This is bullshit. I should realized that— _fuck.”_

“JJ…” Kie held his hand tightly. “You’re her friend. You’re not a mind reader. Beside, I could be wrong.”

“Did she tell you?”

“No,” Kie swallowed hard. “Just call it women’s intuition.”

“Well, whatever it is, I trust it and it makes total sense.”

“It would be enough to charge him.”

“For sure,” JJ didn’t know whether to punch something, smile, or cry. It was small, horrible, victory that really didn’t feel at all like a victory.

“I should get back out to her. If she wakes up, I wanna be there.”

“Course.”

“I’ll call Pope tomorrow morning,” Kie got up. “See what he thinks.”

“Okay,” JJ rubbed his eyes. “Hey, Kie?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for coming.”

“Always,” Kie smiled and small, warm, sad, smile.

“And Kie?”

“Hmm?”

“I’ll talk to Sam about it, okay?” JJ watched Kie leave the room. Kie nodded and closed the door behind her.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of sexual abuse and child abuse in general. Nothing graphic and nothing explained. It's just discussed, part of the plot, and mentioned throughout this chapter. 
> 
> Sorry for making y'all wait but BRO, it's been a rough time for me mental health wise so writing has kinda taken a backseat. Hopefully this don't suck too much.   
> I'm already working on the next part so it shouldn't take toooo long.   
> Let me know what ya'll think. reviews mean the world to me <3

JJ waited until Shoupe was out the door before he sat closer to Sam on the couch. Shoupe had to report to the station early and Kie had left to inform Pope of recent events.

“You want anything?” JJ cast Sam a quick glance. He didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. He didn’t want her to feel like he was hovering.

“I’m good.”

“You sure?”

“Oh yeah,” Sam blinked rapidly.

“Do you wanna sleep?” JJ knew he was asking the worst questions. Christ, they’d only just gotten up. But he didn’t know how to be quiet. Especially when he was anxious.

“I’m good, JJ.”

“Okay,” JJ slumped forward and buried his face in his hands.

“Actually, you could do me a solid.”

“Sure,” JJ perked up slightly.

Sam managed a weak smirk. “You got any weed?”

“That’s like asking me if I got legs.”

“Funny,” Sam leaned back against the couch.

JJ took the joint he’d rolled not half an hour before out of his pocket. “This is my cousin’s stuff. It’s pretty intense.”

“So the same stuff you had at the boneyard?”

“Yeah, that’s the—what?” JJ back-pedalled. “When did I give you my weed at the boneyard?”

“You didn’t,” Sam’s lips twitched in amusement.

“You swiped weed from me?”

“Just enough for a couple hits. That shit’s strong.”

“Nobody swipes weed from me,” JJ wasn’t so much mad as he was impressed.

“Yeah well,” Sam took the joint from him and lit it using her lighter. “I did.”

JJ cracked a small grin as he watched Sam take a drag.

“I swiped a nail polish and pair of earrings from a drugstore once for my mom. It was her birthday and I wanted to get her something nice. I knew my ol’ man wouldn’t so…” JJ trailed off. He never talked about his mother or the time before she left.

“You don’t have to continue,” Sam nodded slowly in understanding. “I used to steal booze for my dad to keep him happy.”

“Luke’s a fucking asshole when he’s drunk, but he’s a fucking nightmare sober.”

“Go figure,” said Sam. She passed the joint to JJ. “So do you call him dad or Luke?”

“Oh—I—“

“Shit, that’s too personal. I’m sorry,” Sam muttered. “You don’t have to answer that.”

JJ shrugged. “Hey, no secrets between Pogues. You’re a Pogue now. So how about a trade?”

“A what?”

“A trade,” JJ handed Sam the joint again. “You know, like a truth for a truth. We ask each other things and we have to tell the truth.”

“Damn,” Sam took a longer drag. “That’s a bit heavy for me, but I’m down if you are.”

“I’m down,” said JJ. “And to answer your question, I called him dad. I’m thinking of calling him Luke now. That is, if I ever see him again.”

“I really hope you don’t.”

“That makes two of us,” JJ reached for the Mars bar that was acting as his breakfast. “Did you know your mom?” 

“Yeah,” Sam closed her eyes briefly. “Great lady. Sure, a bit conservative. But she had to be. You know, a cop’s wife and all that, but she gave a shit. She died when I was real young though so I kinda only remember bits and pieces of her.”

“Yeah, same with my mom,” said JJ.

“Your mom left because of your dad?”

“Yeah,” JJ said in a low voice. “I was ten and she left after this massive fight they had one night. Luke accused her of cheating on him and she denied it so he smacked her around and then…”

“She just couldn’t take it anymore,” Sam finished.

“Something like that,” JJ sighed. “Funny thing is, my ol’ man was right all along. She had cheated on him and I am a bastard son.”

“Wild,” said Sam. “You’re not a bastard son, JJ. I’m pretty sure you’re a damn good son.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” said JJ. “What’s your favourite album?”

“That’s easy,” Sam relaxed even further. “Miles Davis, Bitches Brew.”

“I just listened to that yesterday!” JJ exclaimed. “Shoupe’s got an original LP.”

“No shit. I didn’t peg you for a Miles fan, no offence.”

JJ shrugged. “None taken. I only got into it because my drumming teacher recommended I listen to some jazz records. I’m actually really liking it. Weird, huh?”

“Not really,” said Sam. “A lot of drummers I used to know listen to jazz. It’s got more to it, ya know? Kinda like how guitar players listen to the blues.”

“Sure.”

“What’s your favourite album?” Sam asked.

“Right now? The Who, Live at Leeds.”

Sam nodded her approval. “Sick record. I’ve got it practically memorized.”

“Sam?”

“Yeah?”

JJ took a deep breath and tried to plan out his words. “Your dad… he hurts you, right?”

“God damn it JJ.”

“Answer the question. A truth for a truth.”

Sam ran her hands over her face. “Fucking hell,” she cursed. “Yeah, he likes to take shit out on me sometimes. What did Luke do to you?”

“Beat the shit out of me. Burned me. Broke my arm twice. Can’t even count how many times he’s broken my ribs. Has your dad sexually abused you?” There. He’d asked. Sure, it wasn’t as tactful or cryptic as he would have liked, but at least it was out.

Sam held her breath. She ran her hands up and down her thighs and stared into her lap. “Fuck you, JJ.”

“Tell me the truth, Sam. Did you dad ever hurt you… that way?”

“ _Fuck you,”_ Sam hissed.

“I told you my truth, now you tell me yours. You know you can use this against him, right? They could lock him up for good.”

“Who the _fuck_ are you to ask me something like that? Who do you think you are, huh?” Sam started rocking back and forth.

“I’m just trying to help,” JJ remained still. “He did, didn’t he? That’s why you’re all nervous around Pope and you always flinch when me or Shoupe get too close. You know we’re not like him, right? None of us would ever do what he…did to you.”

“God damn it,” Sam swiped at her eyes angrily. “I thought I had this under control.”

“Dude, what happened to you is fucked up. You’re allowed to be traumatized.”

“Great psycho word babble, Kie teach you that?”

JJ chose to ignore her comment. “Just tell me, Sam. We can help you.”

“No you can’t.”

“Yes we can.”

“I’ve tried talking to people. School counsellor once even. They called up my dad and you know what happened? Nothing, that’s what. Everyone believes my dad ‘cause he and all his friends are cops.”

“So he did hurt you,” JJ tried to suppress his need to be sick.

Sam stared into her hands. “Sometimes he’d try, but mostly he just roughs me up a bit.”

JJ swallowed. He knew she was downplaying everything and God, it burned him to his very core that he related to her on some level. The beatings and the hurt; he didn’t want to relate to that. He didn’t want to meet another sad, broken soul, with wasted potential and too much baggage.

“You should tell Shoupe,” JJ said low and quiet.

Sam whipped her head in his direction. “Like hell.”

“If your dad…sexually abused you…” God, he could hardly get the words out. JJ could feel himself shaking, his legs bouncing almost uncontrollably.

“He didn’t.”

“But you said—“

“I know what I said!” Sam cried as more tears of frustration threatened to escape her. “I said he _tried_ once or twice _._ He never _did._ His buddies were more interested in me than he was.”

JJ pinched his eyes closed and took a deep breath. He was going to be sick if he didn’t watch himself. “His buddies?” JJ whispered.

“Never mind,” Sam looked away again.

“No,” JJ forced himself to get a grip and put a hand on Sam’s knee. She needed to feel his presence. Something solid and there for her. “Look, I hate sad feels too, but God damn it, Sam, if you come forward about this, it could really help you.”

“Really? Going to Shoupe about my ol’ man beatin’ on me and his buddies trying to have their fun with me— that’s going to help me? How exactly? Because I already know how it’s going to play out. I’ll tell Shoupe my sad story and he’ll feel real bad. He’ll say he’ll try everything and maybe, just maybe, he will. But it won’t be good enough. Because my ol’ man and his buddies are same ranking as him. There’s nothing I could possibly tell him that would stick! It’ll go to trial and I’ll have to tell my story in front of a whole bunch of fancy shirts who don’t give a shit and in the end I’ll still have to go back with my ol’ man! I doesn’t matter, JJ!” Sam panted. She refused to cry. “I don’t matter.”

JJ had to swallow his own tears. Again, he hated the fact that he could relate to her words. He hated the fact that he too, like so many kids born on the cut, believed they didn’t matter.

“Yeah you do,” JJ took his hand off her knee and raised it to her face with a few tears were finally falling. Sam flinched back, but JJ didn’t stop. He cupped the side of her face with such tenderness it about broke Sam.

“Don’t say that.”

“I’ll keep saying it until you believe it. You matter.”

“God damn it. Stop it with this positivity bullshit.”

JJ understood her retaliation. “You know, John B used to say what you said a lot too.”

“Huh?”

“The _I don’t matter_ thing,” said JJ. “He used to say it if Big John was gone too long or holed up in his office studying maps too much. He figured his dad didn’t care because he didn’t matter.”

“Oh,” Sam fiddled with the strings on her hoodie. “What did you tell him?”

“Same thing I’m telling you and the same thing the Pogues used to tell me,” JJ looked directly at her. “That you matter.”

“Oh.”

“Sam?”

“Yeah?” Sam met his gaze.

JJ caressed her cheek with his thumb. “I’ll go with you. We’ll go tell Shoupe together.”

“No.”

“We’ll all go,” JJ tried.

“No,” Sam remained firm. “I don’t wanna drag all y’all into this. I don’t want Shoupe to know and I fucking hate that you know.”

“You need to tell someone, Sam.”

“No I fucking don’t,” Sam bit her lip. “This is my life and my choice and if I wanna live with this and go through this alone…”

“Okay,” JJ let out a broken sigh and dropped his hand. They’d gotten too close. Shoupe had definitely been right about two hurt teenagers making the same mistake again. “If you don’t wanna go to Shoupe right now, okay, I get that. But at least think on it?”

“Not much to think about,” said Sam.

JJ opened his mouth to reply, but Sam’s phone vibrating stopped him.

“Who’s that?” He watched her fumble.

“Pope.”

“What?”

Sam held up the text. “He wants to see me.”

“Nice,” JJ tried to sound chipper.

“Do the other Pogues know about this?” Sam stared down at her phone.

“No,” JJ lied. He was good at lying.

“Bullshit,” Sam could see right through it.

“Okay, so Kie suspected something and talked to me about it. I don’t think she told Pope though.”

“Jesus Christ on a cracker.”

“Go see him.”

“Yeah, because going to go talk to your crush about sexual harassment is a treat.”

“Stop being abstaint and go see him,” said JJ.

Sam huffed. “It’s obstinate, you idiot,” she got up. “And I’m not going to see him because I want to, I’m going to see him to get away from you.”

“You keep telling yourself that, Sam.”

“Fuck off.”

“Yeah, yeah,” JJ watched Sam storm off and fell back against the couch. He had to think of something to tell Shoupe when he came home for lunch and it sure as hell wouldn’t be pretty.

***

Pope almost fell off the beanbag he was reading on when Sam pounded on his front door. Thankfully his mom and dad were both working so he didn’t have to explain the somewhat wild-looking girl’s appearance. He stumbled out of the beanbag Kie had given him and opened the door. He tried to keep his cool.

“Hey.”

“Uh—hi,” Sam looked down. “Sorry to put you out or anything, but—“

“It’s cool.”

“I didn’t know where else to go and—“

“It’s cool,” Pope took a few steps back so Sam could walk in. “I invited you, right?”

Sam nodded. “Something like that.”

“You okay?”

“I’m cool,” Sam echoed Pope’s word choice in a low voice.

Pope didn’t seem convinced. “You’ve kinda a had a rough few days.”

“And it just keeps getting better, huh?”

“Look, you can stay here for a bit. No questions asked. Till things cool down. My folks won’t be home again for a while.”

“No questions asked?”

“Yeah,” Pope nodded earnestly. “It’s not my place to ask questions. All you need right now is a place to chill out and relax for a bit and let’s face it, JJ’s kinda…”

“A lot.”

“Yeah,” said Pope slowly. “That’s one way of putting it. He’s a great guy, though.”

“Oh, I know,” said Sam as she followed Pope to his room. It looked more like an office with a beanbag. “Nice place.”

“Thanks.”

“I like the beanbag.”

“Kie gave it to me.”

“Ah,” Sam tried not to deflate. “Those your records?”

“You wanna listen to something?”

“Sure,” Sam walked over to the pile of records. “Do you mind it I…?”

“Go ahead!” Pope smiled nervously. He watched Sam pick up one of the records on the top.

“Charley Parker?”

“It’s JJ’s. He swiped it from a goodwill store the other day and then loaned it to me.”

Sam chuckled half-heartedly. “Have you listened to it?”

“Yeah, twice. Do you like it?”

“One of my favourite records. Do you mind listening to it for a third time?”

“Not at all,” Pope smiled and shoved the beanbag so it backed against the wall by the window. “The sound’s best from here,” he explained.

“Right,” Sam turned on the album and watched Pope stare down at the beanbag.

“Go ahead,” Pope moved to the side a bit. Clearly the beanbag was big enough for two, but Sam was sceptical.

“Uh…”

“If you don’t wanna…?”

“No, no, it’s fine!” Sam sat down quickly and concentrated on the music. “I’m fine.”

“I can sit on my bed.”

“It’s fine, Pope,” said Sam. She looked up at him and braced herself for him to join her. She tried her best not to flinch when he sat down. The sides of their bodies were touching, though Sam noticed Pope sliding off the beanbag slightly so she wasn’t so squished up against him.

“He went back to pay for it, you know.”

“Who?”

“JJ,” Pope continued softly. “After he listened to this record for about six hours straight, He went back to the store and paid for it and then forced me to listen to it.”

“Go figure,” Sam smiled a small smile.

“There’s nothing… going on between the two of you, is there?” Pope glanced at Sam.

She shrugged. “We’re learning how to be friends. I’m learning how to have friends.”

“Okay,” Pope watched her face carefully. She seemed to be relaxing. “Because I think you’re really cool, Sam. Really cool and… super smart.”

Sam met Pope’s gaze. “Okay.”

“I mean, you like Lord of the Rings and have the best taste in music.”

“Okay.”

“And you know about decomposition rates.”

“And you’re in love with Kie,” Sam said as she noticed Pope inching closer towards her.

“I mean, I think so, but…”

“But…?”

Pope put a careful hand on Sam’s arm. “It’s complicated.”

“It shouldn’t be,” Sam could feel his breath on her face and he was leaning in more and—

“Shit,” Pope pulled back as his phone rang. “It’s JJ.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks everyone! Hope y'all are keeping safe and happy! :) xoxo


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